Bm and the men
I normally like to stay out of the business between DH,SD,and BM.And I still plan on staying out of that business BUT I still need to vent about it lol
Serial dating.BM is a serial dater.She brings these strange men home and gets all cozy with them for a few months then tosses them and bounces back to a man she has been dating on and off for the last several years.She introduces the new men to SD and talks about them with SD then before ya know it,she's back with the original guy and they're one big happy family.
I realize I have zero control over the example BM is setting for SD but I'm really concerned about the negative outcome.SD has no idea how to behave around boys,no idea how to restrain herself from slutty behavior,etc.When she turns into a teenaged pregnancy statistic,I know that DH will be footing the bill to fund her little 'teen mom' experience.
Aside from the obvious outcome of not teaching a girl proper boundaries with men and giving her the example of "hey it's ok to date multiple guys at the same time as long as they don't know about each other", what about the emotional consequences? SD is being taught that friends are the end all be all and if you have no friends you may as well be dead.She posts things on her FB like 'thanks to my friends.my reason for living and waking up every morning.'
she threatens to kill herself anytime someone doesn't like her.It's just a mess.
i know i'm babbling right now i just needed to get this out bc it's eating at me.as you all know,talking to Bm or DH about this stuff is POINTLESS
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It's sad but you can't
It's sad but you can't control it. Our bm is the 'female' lesbian, but dates the very butch lesbians....most of them not only look horrible and sketchy, some have been felons, agressive, get in physical fights with her, bullies.
She also is a serial dater with those type of people rotating in/out of sd's life every couple of months. AND she'll move them in and have multiple of these creeps in/out of sd's life constantly. THere is no 'lets see if we work out for a long time before the kids meet you'...nope, so SD learns from bm that relationships/people are disposable, nothing is consistent, and because she witnesses agression has become very much in mannerisms like these butch women bm dates. Acts very much like a boy with 10 times more agression and chip on the shoulder. It's sad-i'd be just as upset if she dated guys on rotating basis.
Dont get me wrong, i spent 5 yrs single before meeting bf, and i had my share of fun and rotations...but in all that time my kids met NOBODY, nor did I talk of anyone-and I strictly saw them if it was a wknd the kids were w/dad. THey didn't even come to my house. I had one serious relationship before bf and thats the only guy they met-except this guy had TWO daughters, missed a major bullet there lol.
THe only consistent sd has seen is bf and I who have been together approaching 3 yrs...we didn't introduce the kids until well after the 6 month mark when we started getting more serious. It's sad but you cant control it, but there WILL be effects on your ss because of it, I guarantee you that.
My only solution was to disengage entirely, not for only this reason but a million others...emotionally and physically disengaged-made my life easier and much better...maybe not sd's but i have to worry about myself and my own kids first.
It sounds like mom is acting
It sounds like mom is acting more like a friend than a mother. Being a mother takes sacrifice. If she wants to serial date, more power to her, but she shouldn't bring them around her kids unless it is serious.
You're right. Her behavior is teaching your SD to be slutty. That is really too bad. The only think YOU can do is sit back and watch the trainwreck. Hopefully you and dad are teaching her better values when she is with you. At least she'll have some sort of conscience to war with when she starts dating.
oooh Druzilla you are onto
oooh Druzilla you are onto something there!lol
I personally LOVED dating.It was the most fun ever.But like overit2 said,NONE of the people I dated got anywhere near my kid.I did my personal stuff when he wasn't with me.
If someone wants to be a total slut,that's her business.But when she starts dragging her child into then we have problems.
Ha... I think they must all
Ha... I think they must all be dating disasters. Why our wonderful DHs fell for their charms (barf) I'll never understand!
BM#1 was strictly a short term bed buddy for DH who (oops) got knocked up with SD13.5 Since then she has had 3 more kids with another guy who supposedly was very violent and beat the crap out of her on numerous occasions. BMs brother who we are friendly with told us how BM used to ask him to watch her kids so she could go out and meet up with random guys. In the last 6 months or so, she just started dating this other guy, who apparently she fights with alot and her brother told us that the guy actually got pissed and took all her stuff (and kids stuff) that she had at his house and threw it in the front yard of the trailer park. BM called the cops, but couldn't be bothered to pick the shit up and the garbage men took it away 3 days later. And these are only the stories we catch wind of.... I PROMISE there is so much more... such a wonderful relationship role model for SD
BM#2 was the on again off again stalker GF of DH who (oops) got knocked up with SS 12.5. DH left her when SS was about 6 months old because she was such a jerk. After that, she moved in with another BF, then got kicked out by him when SS was about 3. Cried to DH she had no where to go, so he let her stay at his place with SS and her other son that she had in high school with some other guy (who was then in Prison). DH slept on a mattress in the laundry room during her stay. That lasted about 3 months and DH couldn't deal with her so she moved out. Promplty got a new man who she dated on and off for the past 6 or 7 years. Moved in with him once and then moved out a year later, then moved in with him again about 2 years ago and then moved out again in September and now has a new boy-toy boyfriend who is apparently only a couple of years older than her kid she had in high school (who is 20) such a wonderful relationship role model for SS.
I would be doing damage
I would be doing damage control on SD. Planned Parenthood, birds and bees talk...birth control...talks of self worth....major damage control.
I lived it up when I was single..don't regret a second of it...bed hopped a bit...it was awesome! However, my kids met ONE guy during that time...and now he's their stepdad.