Here is our situation -it is a little convoluted so bear with me.

a little background... my wife was married for 4 years to the devil... he started beating her the week after they were married.

I was trying to figure out the other day why I feel different about SS than the bio-young men (my grown kids were just as annoying at 16 -how come I had so much more patience with them)?

H and I have been married 5 months-dated for a number of years. He works out of state and is here only on weekends-his daughters live 30 miles from here w/their mother.

I've been married to my husband for almost two years. His ex wife has BPD, and -- to say the least -- it isn't fun dealing with her. She's turned my husband's eldest teenage son and teenage daughter completely against him (PAS big time). His youngest teenage son lives with us, as does my teenage daughter. Here's my issue. My SS's mother has taught all of her children that everybody lies. Now, she didn't teach them this as a life lesson followed by "but it's still wrong." She taught them this as an excuse for her own behavior. As a result, everyone of them are proficient liars, including my SS. And when I catch him in a lie, his response is always "Everybody lies." He makes things up about everything and everyone all the time. He comes home from school with stories about his teachers that I know aren't true, but I'm not sure what to say. His father just laughs, and I don't want to be the wicked stepmother, so I just sort of laugh and change the subject.

I'm new but old to these issues. Here's a little background:

I married Dh at 25, took on full custody of SS 9 and SD 2--The BM has disappeared and never surfaced. I wish she would come back and take her darling daughter with her. SS has been a joy and is now 25 and on his own. We still maintain a great relationship. You'd think having SD since 2 yrs old and the fact that she calls me Mom would mean something but it doesn't. We cannot stand each other. I have bent over backwards through the years, was a true mother in that I completely took over the role--made lunches--drove to practices--supported--saved report cards--you name it. My only regrets are losing my patience and yelling probably too much but good god I cannot allow myself this guilt because a person can only take too much. Here's a time line:

Hi,

I've never seen this issue addressed in any forums and, because of my current issues, I'm curious about something:

I've had my SD since she was 2 (17 now) and she's called me Mom since that time--but don't let that fool you. She hates me and I swear she continues it only to fool her father into thinking otherwise. These 15 years have been the absolute worst nightmare. I cannot tell you the struggles SD has put the family through. The two of us have argued, raged at each other, and even, to my regret, wrestled a few times.

After much deliberation and lots of kind/wise words from many here, I have disengaged from my teenage stepdaughter. I'm not getting involved in disciplining her, no longer offering suggestions to improve her physical fitness, not trying to get her to take more pride in her physical appearance, not checking her homework, not getting involved when she treats her mother like a dog... And the stress level I'm experiencing has been reduced so dramatically!!!

I'm engaged to a wonderful woman, and she and her 15-yr old daughter have lived with me for the past year. For the mom, who has been single and struggling for 12 years, its a great situation and we have a dream relationship. That is...when the daughter is not intruding on it and trampling it to shit. She's rude...crude..fat...lazy...disrespectful...flunking school...

I put my foot down. The 16 year old man/child will get "visited all day" by his father every other weekend. No more over nighters.
I was all in knots three days before the visits & and I reall didn't do well (INSIDE) during the visits. I did it for 4 years-----with a smile.

I have one son from my first marriage that is 15 years old. I had been divorced for 6 years before remarrying. My “new” husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary this month. My husband has a son that turned 18 this year and graduated from high school this month.

The gas prices are astronomical & my dh is struggling financially. He picks up his 16.3 man/child EOW around 60 miles away, brings him home & returns him the next day.

My dh is REALLY IN A FINANCIAL BIND and this has got to be redirected.

I’m at my wits end. My stepson is in junior college for an Art degree (we are paying the bill no loans)and also agreed to pay for a state college for his bachelor degree. We pay for his car, insurance, rent food, cell phone etc...

Sometimes I just hate being a step mother!!! I have two sd, ages 12 and 18. I love them as if they were my own. We get along good most of the time. However, the mom resents me. She is remarried, but doesn't seem to think that the step dad is a step parent. Well, anyway, the 12yr old had to have two rods put in her back to correct severe scoliosis. She is in ICU, and at times, only parents can visit. We had a big fight with the hospital. All four of us wanted to visit her, but in twos. Since we were step parents, we were not allowed to see her. After much fuss, and me and the bm pitching a total fit, they finally let us do it that way. We had to get the doctor involved! It is 2008, and there are a lot of families that are step families. This hospital was toally living in the past! It was a christian hospital, didn't believe in divorce, and therefore didn't believe step parents count.

I've been in a step-mother roll (living together) for about four years. We are, for all practical purposes, married but haven't gone legal because I don't trust his ex - a selfish, greedy control freak, and those are her good points (I could go on and on about the issues with his CRAZY ex but it would take DAYS!). He has two sons, now 15 and 12. Things are fine with the younger son but the older is contrary, argumentative, disrespectful and lazy. He gets away with everything at his mother's house and is currently flunking out of school, the consequences for which are a driver’s permit and a vacation of his choice this summer. His dad is very good about setting boundaries and expectations but there is only so much impact you can have every other weekend. Now we have a more clearly defined problem… last weekend the older son and I were at home while the younger and his father were out. An issue (I asked him to pick up a couple of things in his room, I'm so unreasonable!) resulted in further “discussion” and eventually a phone call from him to his mother asking to get picked up early because I'm just so hard to deal with. This would not have been an issue had his father been home, he does not talk back to his dad, nor does his dad allow him to be disrespectful to me. In the days following he has told his mother he doesn't want to come back to our house if I'm there. Truthfully my initial reaction is that this would be fine with me, but it obviously puts his father in a difficult position. I should also mention (for a full picture)