rosie33's picture

50/50 Custody - Child Support

Am I the only one that thinks if you have 50/50 custody of your kids, there should be no child support?! I don't think its fair at all that a man/woman should have to give the other parent money when they share custody. You each have equal responsibility therefore when they are in your care, you pay for whats needed and vice versa…just don't get that system at all. Puzzled

not.the.crazy.one's picture

If the kids are with each

If the kids are with each parent an equal amount of time, then I don't think either should pay CS. In the state I live in CS is based on overnight visits, which I think it stupid. We have skids EOW, but we also have them at least 3 days during the week from the time they get off school till about 6 or 7. Meaning DH does the homework thing with them most of the time, and they eat here and they shower here. So our food bill is higher than BMs. DH also pays for at least half of their clothing (usually more), he pays at least half of their after school activities (usually all of it). But because BM has them overnight more than we do, he has to pay child support.

I wish DH would tell BM that since he pays CS, SHE has to feed them and that they can shower at HER house (I get so sick of seeing them go through a whole bottle of body wash and shampoo and conditioner in the space of two showers). But he won't. Because he's an effing idiot.

"I am so unbelievably sick of your imperious bullshit. I never said I was June-fucking-Clever..."

rosie33's picture

I have a feeling thats what

I have a feeling thats what our situation is going to turn into as well. Right now they have an agreement where he pays for everything for one kids and she does the other. Idk how he will handle it once child support is in order. He carries insurance and she wont even pay for the meds and co-pays. One time it was her week and she refused to get the meds that were a total of $12!

steptwins's picture

How about that "system" where

How about that "system" where BM gets child support but never has skids? I guess its should be called BM system LOL. AND of course, BM never ever pays one cent towards skids expenses b.c. "she's in school and has no one to help her". Makes cents to me BM.

Willow2010's picture

I don't care if one parent

I don't care if one parent makes 3 zillion dollars a year and the other parent makes minimum wage. No CS should pass hands if it is 50/50.

It is actually sick that people would expect/accept money when the other parent has the kid 50 percent of the time too!!

Echo's picture

We had what was legally

We had what was legally defined as 50/50. One week with me, the next week with their Dad, etc.

BUT...two nights during his week, he worked so I had the kids with me. I DID get CS because of that. Our state bases their CS calculations on the number of overnights. I'm good with that.

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

rosie33's picture

I don't disagree with that bc

I don't disagree with that bc you said he even started getting him less and less. You gave him the opportunity to do his fair share and he couldn't.

rosie33's picture

My BF does have 50/50 and

My BF does have 50/50 and makes good money. She just filed for support. My whole issue is this; she has a nursing license and used to be an RN. She was "forced to resign" from our local hospital and go to rehab bc she stole pills. They made an agreement with her that she wouldn't have any disciplinary action on her license if she left and went to rehab, which she did. She did have a Dr's note saying she couldn't work in the nursing field for a year (that has come and gone). She has no intentions of getting a job, she's been living off unemployment which was about $500/WEEK and made it abundantly clear that when that runs out she was going to "stick it to him" and go for whatever she can. So here is a woman who can very well go get a nursing job within 20 minutes of where she lives making good money but instead she has the option to sit on her ass and let her ex-husband pay for her life. My neighbor is an officer at domestic relations and she said they won't hold her at her previous earnings as a nurse, instead they will hold her at an earning capacity of minimum wage! what?! ugh. She has NO bills except cell phones. She lives with her parents & drives her moms car. I just don't get it. THANK GOD she was stupid enough to admit she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion while they were still married so she was denied alimony. I used our state (PA) child support calculator and I think he will end up paying $600/mo. Doesn't seem like much compared to some of the astronomical figures Ive read on here, but for us, that sucks. Together we have four boys so we have a household of 6 WITH bills and she has a "household" of 3 WITH NO BILLS! I am a mother and receive child support. I have custody of both my boys but I get $375/mo FOR BOTH! idk, the whole thing blows my mind.

rosie33's picture

See that is also why I am

See that is also why I am pissy, they originally told him when her unemployment does run out, she would be held at her previous wages of being an RN - NOW they say shes going to be held at minimum wage if she doesn't have a job. GRRRR

rosie33's picture

and I understand that BUT I

and I understand that BUT I don't think the BM should just be allowed to never get a job. Unless they are physically/mentally not able to, thats a different story. They should have to be willing to support their kids just as much as the father. Our BM has been unemployed for two years and she can VERY WELL find a good paying job!

steptwins's picture

How about into driving their

How about into driving their own cars? That gets rather pricey for twin boys... BM pays 0, DH pays 100% in the BM system. BM owes gov. taxes so she can't title any cars right now as they could get repo'ed. And insurance, well BM says "I'm not getting ripped off by the insurance co., that's your fault exDH that insurance is high, you & SM shouldn't reveal everything to insurance..." i.e. DH & SMBF are morons & BM is smart. End of the day, she's right.

TheBrightSide's picture

I COMPLETELY agree with the

I COMPLETELY agree with the OP. And the theory is that the children should have the same "standard of living" in each household.

I think what happens is that there is NO INCENTIVE for BM's to work. None. Or they work part time, or limited hours. And why not when DH is forced by the court to "make up the slack" and "even things out".

Its bullshit.

"GET A JOB BM!!!!"

Willow2010's picture

If one parent makes 60k a

If one parent makes 60k a year and the other is unemployed but they have 5050 custody, someone has to pay for things.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes...both parents. If one can't afford them, then give them to the other parent.

rosie33's picture

Agreed! If she doesn't want

Agreed! If she doesn't want to work, great. Let us keep them and support them financially, I would have no problems with that scenario.

TheBrightSide's picture

Sure, in a perfect world

Sure, in a perfect world however, the courts DON'T agree. We tried that route this past summer. We were able to show that although the agreement stipulates 50/50 we ACTUALLY had SD 70/30.

We tried to have the agreement amended to reflect the 70/30 and stop the CS.

BM didn't agree. She wanted her CS. And she got it. The COURTS don't look at "who can afford the children"...they look at "whats in the best interest of the child" and they think that its 50/50.

rosie33's picture

ugh!

ugh!

Purplemom's picture

So even though I work 2 jobs

So even though I work 2 jobs (got married and had kids at 20, was a SAHM for 9 years, XH cheated and left even though I busted my ass in counseling to fix it) and go to school, because I can't compete with Xh's 70k a year job I should just "give him" the kids?

I am the one who does homework- XH does not
I am the one who does 100% of activities and dr visits, etc. - XH does not.
I am the one who set up DD's IEP (XH doesn't believe she has leanring disabilties and was fine letting her fail 2 years in a row- till I said no- because she just needed to "catch up")

So even though he is completley un involved and doesn't really care about the kids I should give them to him because he makes more money?

I'm sorry but I have to disagree.

I speak 3 languages, English, Sarcasm and Innuendo.

FormerAAGirl's picture

I will punch you in the face

I will punch you in the face if you don't take any CS from Bobble, should it be ordered. For ONCE the courts would be on your side, and you can always put that money toward things for the skids....you know, food, clothing, cheer leading, football, all that stuff.....

herewegoagain's picture

Nope. And if the kids are

Nope. And if the kids are entitled to the same standard of living at both houses, then the BM should be required to cook and clean at the ex husband's place to keep the same standard of living. Lol

whatsup

cant win for losin's picture

i'm gonna chime in and

i'm gonna chime in and prepare to have my head on a chopping block. I share custody. 50/50. Worse choice I ever made in my life. My thoughts were during that gawd awful divorce, that children should be able to see their father just as much as their mother.
That SOB ex of mine has done NOTHING but made my life a living hell. He is soooo emotionally unfit to parent it's not even funny. My poor kids.

Anyway, yes this man makes over 7 times the amount i do. This does NOT include one penny of overtime that he soaks up like a sponge every week. The amount of money he pays me a week is pocket change. I work. I work damn hard. But I work for pennies, compared to him.
Could i find a better paying job? I might be able to. But then my income would go for daycare. Some would say that fdh should pay daycare then. Well he can't afford that either. We keep our heads above water every month. And yes, there are times fdh helps me out with my two bios financially.

Yes two parents should be equally responsible for their kids financially. I am. Some would say right now, "no your not you accept the child support." Well ladies, I get $50 a week. NOT PER KID, that is $50 total. In today's age, $50, does not go far. I can spend that at the grocery store for a few days worth of food. That is spent on one trip (gas) to my son's football game. I still have my daughter who cheers, $20 a week, the list goes on.

I'm not comprimising his household with $50 dollars a week. He has no other children, his women works at a univeristy. They are very comfortable. I hate that I am bonded to him with that $50. But when my kids are able to have a birthday present, school clothes, or a few christmas presents, then I am thankful I have that little bit of money.

And I'm not gonna lie, if the support even went down to $20 a week, I'd still take it. He can pay for harrassing me, tormenting me, stressing me, the way he does.

Wrong? I don't care. I am able to give my kids just a little bit because of it and I will keep putting up with that shit for 5 more years.

rosie33's picture

I don't completely disagree

I don't completely disagree with "cant win for losin" every situation can be different, I realize that. I think Im just annoyed that she CAN find a good paying job, she just refuses to and that really gets under my skin. I'm hoping that she will realize $600/mo isn't going to be much to support her lifestyle of drinking and smoking weed AND her kids. They have an agreement now where they each pay for everything for one kid. It has worked fine. Now that her unemployment has run out, she needs $ for her too and I dont think thats fair.

cant win for losin's picture

i can definitly understand

i can definitly understand your situation rosie33 and i feel you have every right to be frustrated. And ya know, I would do an agreement like that with my ex (we each provide for one) but I won't ever tell him that. I have never ever went once to have it increased. But boy has he dragged me back to get it reduced. And if there ever is a day that it is reduced to $20 a week, I will still take that too! JERK! Evil

TheBrightSide's picture

It comes down to raising your

It comes down to raising your sons daughters differently right from the start and drill into them that when they should be completely independent (emotionally and financially) BEFORE they get married.

None of this bullshit of "the woman stays home while the dad works". Because guess what? You'll get divorced and the Father is screwed and the Mother is screwed.

AND if you want children, you better make damn sure before hand that you CAN financially support them...BOTH PARENTS together AND Separately.

In other words, if you're going to have a baby, make damn sure you can support them if you end up divorced.

Before you buy a house the bank ensures that you have enough $$...yet anyone can have children.

rosie33's picture

Our BM did though, not that I

Our BM did though, not that I disagree with your post, but she WAS an RN making $30 something per hour! No one could've predicted she'd steal pills and have to resign. However, she DOES have the ability to get back into nursing just won't. Don't get me started on her "enabling parents". They missed a lot of life lessons with her.

TheBrightSide's picture

Our BM is of the mind that SD

Our BM is of the mind that SD is not her financial responsibility, period. Even if she has her 50%.

I'm sure there are other BM's who believe the same thing.

(we may CS and DH pays ALL extordinary expenses). And he doesn't have an exhorbitant salary by any stretch.....but BM doesn't work and when she does its barely part time.

Its difficult where we live to "impute" an income on her.

So...DH pays.

z3girl's picture

DH paid $1000 per month to BM

DH paid $1000 per month to BM for one child, and she makes about $20k per year more than I do. SD never wants for anything, but they live beyond their means. BM is always asking for more money, but she has also proven she is not very good with money.

DH and I have 2 sons together. Things have not been going well, and we've been threatening each other with divorce quite frequently. I know that if that happens, even if I get what is by the book what is ordered by the state, DH will consider me a money grubbing bitch like BM, even though I am much better with money, and thanks to me, we have savings set aside. I've said to DH, and feel this is the truth, that if we divorce, NEITHER of us is better off. We will both be hurt financially, and the kids will not be seeing their father everyday. I work from home, so I am able to be with the kids all day.

I guess since I know that it will never be 50/50 custody with DH if anything happened, this isn't exactly the situation stated. I would love to be proud and refuse anything from DH, but I also would not want my children to go without, since they will already be going with less.

I agree with whoever said that there is no one size fits all, so it's a tough situation.

It wasn't until I had my own children that I had a little more compassion for BM (just a little...can't have too much pity who always buys designer everything for herself and SD). A divorce hurts both households, and that just sucks.