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Close to the end of my rope!

arielyn's picture

Submitted by arielyn on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:20am

I am at the end of my rope. I have three step children with me. Actually they are no longer children. The youngest is 18 year old girl. The middle son is 19 and the oldest son is 21. The daughter has always lived with her mother and therefore has lived with me for a long time. The oldest son couldn't handle his father anymore and moved into our home. We got him a job an his father got him a car. His car broke down and I started letting him use my old truck to get back and forth to work as he worked night shift in our tourist town. However the season is over and he has not worked but for four days a month for the past two months. On top of this his car is still not working and he keeps flipping back and forth on what to do about it. The middle child moved into the house and has not even looked for a job. Correction he got a bunch of applications yet has not filled a single one out. I can not afford for them both to stay up all night playing around and eating everything in the house. With it being the end of the season my hours have been cut as well as their mother's and yet they both won't get off their butts and get jobs to help. I don't mind them living there but they have to help out and get jobs or get out. I can not afford for them to just live there and play. I am at the point where I am going to have to get a second job due to the increase of the bills. Any ideas out there on how to light a fire under these guys butts???

Comments

arielyn's picture

Submitted by arielyn on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:32am

She lives with me and is always talking to them about this. She is trying. She is actually a good mother to them. She is also talking about getting a second job to help out. The boys both know this and they act concerned for alittle bit and then go back to the "normal" routine for them.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:51am

Maybe you and their mother could agree to a plan. Both boys need to be paying xx dollars a week for rent and utilities and food by xx date. If they wish to stay on living there they must have their own transportation and continue to pay the agreed amount. If they chose not to pay you both then they have 6 weeks to make other acoomodation arrangements. Asnother option is they can move in with their father for a while.

Someone has to throw them under the bus to adulthood. And turn off the cable at night. Disconnect the aerial (if you have one)for your computer network and take it to bed with you. Tell them that while they do not contribute to the household they don't get a vote.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:41am

I must disagree. She is not being a good mother to them right now. You and the wife need to talk and make a time table for what is about to happen.

If they are not in school...they must work FULL time. 40 hours a week minimum.

If they are in college, then must work part time. 20 hours per week

Once they have full time jobs for over 6 months, they need to move. UNLESS IN SCHOOL.

If they can not keep a job, or do not geta job, they must be out with in two weeks.

Your wife needs to head this up and stick to it.

arielyn's picture

Submitted by arielyn on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:53am

The thing is my wife and I have talked about this and to the boys and yet they boys still go about their routine. The oldest thinks that his job will get better. We live in a tourist town and the season is over here. Neither boy is in school. The youngest just has no clue. Both actually dropped out of high school when they lived with their father. I love the children and have been in their lives for 16 years but I am at the point that it is taking money away from me taking medical care of my wife and myself and that is not cool with me. She means everything to me and to see her do without does NOT set well with me.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 11:23am

You must miss understand.

When you sit the boys down this time, you need to have a FIRM plan of attack. You and your wife make the rules and they will abide or get the hell out of the house. Not so sure why this is so hard.

arielyn's picture

Submitted by arielyn on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 11:40am

To Willow2012, I believe it is hard to a biological parent due to the fact that it is their "offspring" if you will. I understand this to a point as I have had been part of these three's lives for 16 years. However, it is time for things to change. They are adults and I am slowly getting my wife to stop being a friend and be a parent. I understand how it is hard on her due to personal things that happened in which the boys protected her when I was not in their lives for a short time frame. I am ready to spend time with my wife and the short time we have with our wonderful daughter before she starts her life. I just wish the boys had the same urge to do the same. Where the boys say they want it, our daughter actually goes and does it!

I think tonight is the night that the rules are going to be laid down. "My way or the highway" so to speak.