asshole in-laws and DH is finally seeing the light
DH and I are having the church wedding and the big party at the beach in a couple of months. Well, we had to go this weekend to meet with the caterer and the florist and we didn't take SS. This is the third time we have gone to see wedding stuff and we have never taken SS. The first time, when we were barely looking at the locations, I asked DH to please not take SS because I had lined up interviews with about 10 hotels and we had pretty much one day. DH was a bit hesitant but after we finished he told me he was glad SS hadn't come because there was no way we could have done it with him. SS is 5. Ever since then, DH has not asked to take SS to see wedding stuff because he knows even though it is at the beach, this isn't a vacation.
Well this weekend, SIL decided she had a problem with this and called DH out on it and tried to make him feel bad because we didn't take SS. I don't know when this became her business but whatever. Well, DH and I left and we get a call from SIL that she and FIL called up BM and asked to come get SS. They went behind DH's back and went to get him even after DH specifically asked FIL not to get involved anymore. Ever since FIL started talking to BM again to try to get SS on times not assigned to DH, BM has been a huge bitch to us. She has changed the pick-up/drop-off time and place EVERY SINGLE TIME. If DH says no, she says well you can't get him then because I won't be here at the CO time and later we find BM called FIL and had him babysit. DH finally exploded on FIL, he said they had a good talk, and the very next day FIL and SIL not only go get SS, FIL keeps him overnight! I don't even know what to do with these people anymore, I am at my witt's end!!! How can they not UNDERSTAND that they are messing everything up? They say it is for SS and they just want to be with him and blah blah blah but DH is their FAMILY I mean even if they don't understand or agree with every decision he makes, shouldn't they back him up? Isn't this what family is for?
I am sick to death of these people and honestly at this point I don't even know if I want to be in this mess for the rest of my life, MUCH less bring my own child into the drama. I just don't know.
Also, DH told me this weekend he doesn't know if he wants SS at the wedding or not. I don't want him there, but I never told DH this because I figure it is his son and should be his decision and I was honestly preparing myself mentally for SS being there. I had however, mentioned SS would be the only child there because this is NOT a kid party and I didn't want any other children there. So out of the blue, DH tells me he just doens't know if SS should come, he said now that we were meeting with the vendors and everything he realized this isn't a kid thing and that he would not feel comfortable having SS there and he knows he would end up watching him all night. I wonder how that is going to go down when everyone finds out...
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As for the wedding, you
As for the wedding, you absolutely have to have someone assigned to him. We assigned DH's mother--who did an okay job--but DH still ended up having to chase the kids around a bit. She also took the kids home early, so we didn't have to worry about them all night.
About your in laws . . . I absolutely relate. We have the same trouble with DH's family pretty much constantly, and he has cut most of them out of his life due to their nonsense.
I can honestly say that dealing with DH's family has put alot of stress on our marriage and has made me really miserable in the past.
You need to put down boundaries NOW. If they don't accept those boundaries, then I'd really suggest cutting them out of your lives until they can do so.
The problem is that your husband needs to be the one doing this. You can't make these kinds of decisions for him or insist on these choices without screwing up your relationship.
I am not the one to give advice on stuff like this because I am STILL struggling with DH's family. We're about to have our first kid together and I am at the point that I want them to have NOTHING to do with our baby.
I didn't have SD at our
I didn't have SD at our wedding. She was 10 and my DD was 5. MIL was pissed!!! DH did not cave!! I ended up having my exhusbands first wife watch the kids!!
It was his decision not to have the kids there and it was wonderful without them.
He needs to put everyone in their place once and for all. They have no business interfering in your lives!!
The wedding is at night, at a
The wedding is at night, at a small hotel and all of the tables will be arranged around the pool and we are having a dance floor mounted kind of like a brige over the pool. NOT kid safe, but like I said if DH wanted him there it was his call.
DH is a worrier and I know that even if we assign SS to someone (we had discussed SIL but who knows anymore) DH will check on him at least 1x per hour. Also, SS is very clingy when he is around people he doesnt know and most of the guests are MY family since DH doesn't have very much family and I do. We have tried to introduce him to my family but he always gets whinny and throws tantrums and I hides behind DH (literally once he hid behind the couch) and I just don't want to bring him to family things anymore so I was worried about him getting shy around everyone and wanting to be w DH all night and then throwing a tantrum if DH isn't w him and then DH trying to calm him down and then someone having to take him away crying and well this is why I didn't want him there but I figure it is DHs call and he has decided against having him there. I guess we will see how things go but the thing is, when DH and I first met things were crazy! No CO, BM only let FIL pick up SS, DH was literally throwing money at her so he could see SS one hr a week. They finally straightened everything out and FIL backed off, didn't even call to talk to SS until he bought him a phone so he could talk to him w out going through BM (and don't get me started on a 5 yr old w a cell phone!!!). Things have been calm for so long and about a month and a half ago everything goes to shit again. I don't get it!
Drama Drama Drama. It almost
Drama Drama Drama. It almost sounds like what I married into and this is pretty much reason why I decided to elope.
I did not want my SD's at the wedding I knew if the SD came so would the BM. Or the BM would have found away to stop the wedding.
Elope didn't do any good either. The husband found away to piss me off anyways. We got half way to our destination and he said something really stupid. Like he wished his little daughters were here. I sure didn't wish that. That’s why we went out of state is get away from the trouble and yes unfortunately his daughters would be connected to the problem! Their BM! I was not shy with my answer. I told him I was glad they weren't here on the trip. This was a marriage and honey moon trip and Fars I am concern honey moon means sex. Did he want his daughters there bluing the sex out? We surely couldn't do that little deal. Oh yea he didn't think of it that way but he had time to think about his daughters missing out on a trip... then again I don't think the BM would have allowed it anyway.
When BM found out we were married she filed some crap up at the courts that froze our accounts and we barely made it back to our home State to get home. I ran my card to pay for gas being 600 miles away from home and found out the accounts were frozen.
I found out the ex found out we got married and she became very angry and cried her eyes out to her sister about how she had tried to get this man to marry her for 8 years and had children with him and he up and marry someone else in a year’s time and that she was going to punish us from day’s end with every power she had to get it done she would find away to make us miserable. She was out to punish him for not ever marrying her after she treated him like a husband for years and I was going to be punish for not taking the warning to step away! She may divorced him by state law but it was to teach him a lesson to straighten up because she had a plan to return back to him and I stepped in her way.
The family at first liked me but when we went to another state to get married the family disown me. His cousin was pissed off at me because she wanted to plan the marriage with me and didn't get a chance too, the whole family wanted his daughters there and that didn't happen, they say since we eloped and none of the family was there to see the marriage happen the marriage does not exist no more than it did with the ex. So to them even though we do have a marriage license in another State the marriage doesn't exist.
how was that bitch able to
how was that bitch able to get your accounts frozen?
I'm sorry but why are you
I'm sorry but why are you doing this? It sounds like a horrible life ahead of you. Hate the step kid, hate the inlaws.
Soon you will be hating DH. Guaranteed.
Walk, no RUN, away. You may "love" him but you will NEVER change this situation. And even if you do, you'll end up bitter and he will end up blaming you. Guaranteed.
SD was 4 when we married &
SD was 4 when we married & she was the flower girl. There were a lot of kids invited so it wasn't difficult. You do need to assign someone to watch him. You and FDH will be busy.
You might also was to set some ground rules for how to deal with his family before you marry.
The thing is up until about a
The thing is up until about a month and a half ago his family was NOT like this. When we first met we had trouble w BM but all of DHs family was on his side and when they made the CO, FIL completely stepped to the side, no problem. I don't like or dislike my SIL, we have always been friendly but we aren't friends if that makes sense. As for FIL I love him! He and MIL have always been wonderful to me and my family and I really care about them as I do my own parents, but this is so unlike him and I don't know why he and SIL have suddenly changed. BM's sister had a baby about 2 months ago and now that he isn't the baby in her family it is like FIL and SIL need to make up for that by over compensating and spoiling him. And as for SS, I don't hate him. I don't love him like my own but I do care about him and care for him. I try to do activities with him, he has an apron and special kid knives and he helps me cook or bake something every weekend. He does annoying kid things, throws a fit if he doesn't get his way or doesn't listen sometimes and it bugs me but really the same way any other kid would bug me (except my own when I have them :)). But I didn't want him at the wedding because honestly I just think it would be very stressful, however I was not so opposed that I put my foot down about it. I guess this is so frustrating for me because DHs family is really NOT like this!
Oh dear god that is the
Oh dear god that is the scariest thing!
I think you are between a
I think you are between a rock and a hard place. If SS attends the wedding, and you do not have someone to watch him, and/or he gets all clingy-it is going to be a long night. Your SO is going to have his hands full, and that will upset you. However, if you do NOT have SS there, your SO is probably going to feel guilty, ESPECIALLY if his family starts with him. NONE of this will be good for your wedding. Or you.
It sounds to me like the inlaws may have decided they do not want to see you and your SO get married. To them, it may "bad" for SS. If they are truly not supportive/cannot handle it and do not change, you are in for a world of problems down the road.
I am dealing with young adult skids who I will not even allow in my home-they are horrible. My MIL, however, has this idea that one day, they will wake up and be fine. I do not see this happening. When I met DH, I almost ran because of the way the skids were. But, he set boundaries, and finally put a stop to their abuse. However, MIL was a big problem. She basically wanted DH to buy their love. She almost had DH convinced that the more he did, the sooner they would wake up and be "nice and loving." As their behaviors continued to worsen, she finally stopped-them calling her vile names probably did it. But, now she is back on this subject again, and it is driving me nuts. Luckily, DH ignores a lot of it. I hope he stays this way. My MIL is a bit naive, and she does not understand the severity of the skids' issues.
The point is, inlaws can be a HUGE strain. You have many more years, and it does not end when they turn 18.