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Another post has me thinking....suggestions please?

IAmALady77's picture

So I was reading through another posters blog and someone commented that if their BM took them to court, the 7 years of documentation that the SM has wouldn't matter because it would just look like they were bringing up the past and being vindictive or something??

Well then what's the point of me documenting everything?? So we need to file police reports EVERY SINGLE time BM is being a bitch or SD comes home with bruises or SD comes home sick??

Becausae I am documenting to show a pattern of neglect and craziness....whats the point then if it all becomes obselete after a period of time??

Comments

IAmALady77's picture

It hasn't taken me seven years?! I'm just confused. For instance, we have a daily journal and for the past 2 years, everything has gone into the journal. Grocery lists, receipts for things spent on SD, BM's nuttiness ect. WE are waiting for HER to take US to court again. If she does, we will coounter file for more time.

So what you are saying is that we should only document enough to prove our case and take her first? Because I've noticed that our judge isn't very fair to the "plaintiff".

SW1403's picture

I didn't realize this was the case either. I do the same thing - document everytime we hear that something inappropriate went on. However, I guess its hearsay because it came from SD's mouth most of the time and she's just a kid.

I would keep documenting - it will give your DH a timeline to look at and remind him of the specific arguments to make his case.

hereiam's picture

I think it depends on what you are documenting and showing to the courts. Patterns of neglect/abuse are one thing, hearsay and "BM was a bitch this day" are another.

I would keep documenting but not everything needs to be brought up in court.

IAmALady77's picture

Plus most of our documentation is just what we would show to our lawyer so that he can catch her in her lies under oath kwim?

lawyergirl06's picture

It depends on a few things....here's how it works. You have to have a "material change in circumstances" i.e. a reason that the court should change it's order. It has to be something that if the court knew then what it knows now, the order would have been different. Depending on the nature of what you are trying to show as a "material change in circumstances" is what depends on your time period of documentation.

For example, you are looking for a decrease in child support, you need proof that your income has changed, it was not voluntary and it will last for six months or more. So, if you have a business for example, and it has been slowing down, you may need documentation of more than six months to show that it has had a gradual decline and is likely to continue.

A situation where you want to show that the mother is in contempt and refuses to follow the court order to the detriminent of the child's health or well being, could take years of documentation.

An immediate safety risk or concern, you need only have current documentation that it's a risk.

There is no specific timeline, it's mostly (and don't take offense to this) common sense. Think about what you are keeping documentation of....if you were a judge, what kind of pattern would you expect evidence of before making a ruling. Some timeframes are shorter than others depending on the needs of the parties and the best interests of the child.

It's hard to answer these questions because the reality the answers are often too vague. What I will tell you for sure is this....if your documentation preceeds the last time you had an evidentiary hearing on a child support/custody issue, it's really no good because you should have brought it up at that hearing. So if there has been a modification in the last three years which is after some of your documentation, throw that documentation in the trash because more often than not the judge isn't going to look at it. It's almost like, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Jsmom's picture

Our lawyers didn't want the timeline, just some of the Facebook postings and emails from BM. But, most of the documenting that we did was a waste of my time....

tweetybird74's picture

I agree with "hereiam". You need to document what shows neglect/abuse. If Bm was just bitchy or rude or said something that pissed you off then that does not need to be brought up. But lets say every time the skid(s) come back from BM's they have not eaten all day or they are dirty from not bathing or have dirty clothes then that should be documented (always).

IAmALady77's picture

Alright good to know. Our BM isn't bitchy though, she is straight up certifiable. Would that be considered showing a pattern of mental instability?

OKCStep's picture

When we went to court for custody (which we won) we could only go back about 3 years. The attorney really wasn't comfortable with anything longer. We didn't take journals, though. We had voice recordings of everything. Every converstaion, on the phone or in person, was recorded. In our state, as long as one party is aware of the conversation you can record it. Documentation doesn't show the tone of the conversation and I found the judge in our case was less than impressed with how she spoke and treated us around the kid.