I just had an epiphany
My wife and I have been having real problems for a few years and I have been losing my mind trying to figure out how to make her happy..
We have just filed for a legal separation for financial reasons (see previous blog) but she wants to stay and work it out.
Well her list of things I do wrong is very very long even though I work my a$$ off trying to make her happy and I really don't do anything wrong.
But today it hit me, I belive she Really married me to be a father to her then 13yo son. After she had a few bad marriges and the father was gone, I looked pretty
good. But when after a few years of trying with this kid and finaly figuring out why I couldn't parent him.(he had the spousal status) I gave up and just tried to get along.
This made my wife crazy and then because she didn't marry me for the right reasons, I then became the person she really didn't like but because I don't do anything wrong
she couldn't leave eather.. just stuck around to make me crazy. I can't belive it took me 5 years to figure this out.. She wants to go to counseling so maybe I will
bring it up then.In the mean time if I am right I have been beating myself for years for no good reason. Being a step is a tragic plan.
This all came to a head when he left for college, that was when I thougt things were goning to get better.
Thoughts?
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Comments
Sounds like a possibility. If
Sounds like a possibility. If you love her, then I agree that you should try the counseling to see how it goes, but if things don't start to improve, don't feel bad if you feel that walking away is the best thing for YOU.
Make her a list of the things
Make her a list of the things you feel you do to try to make her happy. Then see how many match up. It's hard to meet someone's needs, especially if they aren't communicating them to you. Add the step dynamic...BAM!... Instant initial stress on the marriage when it should be the honeymoon phase. Do relationship building exercises, like I said above, making a list of where you each see yourselves in 5 years, what you expect from one another in marriage, then come back together and discuss with an open mind. See how close you guys are on even the idea of marriage, etc. maybe try counseling. Good luck.