At the beginning of my court ship we concentrated pretty much in our self (my wife & I) and we made the decision to get marry without even looking into her child & me. She’s been divorced since her child was 2 yrs old, have been into other relationships and we got together when her child was 14 yrs old. For the purpose of this and to shorten my writings I will call the child C and my wife K. I have to admit that I give a cold impression on C right from the beginning, I was cold and often didn’t talk to her. The raison I was cold and didn’t talk to her, it’s because I did not know how to react to her behaviour & felt she was disrespecting pretty much all her surrounding & was verbally abusive towards her mom. Right from the beginning I consulted with K to make a schedule for C to take some responsibilities in the house. What I wanted was: she goes to bed at decent hours (no later the 11 pm), she picks up herself, keep her bedroom clean, and do the dishes once an while. Now C is 18 yrs old and at the present time C washed her own dishes (only) yesterday for the first time since the therapist suggest to make a work schedule for all of us, months ago. My wife gets upset when I talk about C’s behaviour, so I’m not talking about it for a while now. But here are things that really batter me in C’s behavior that I see pretty much every day. C live dirty close all over the house, just now I went to the washroom I saw dirty under were & braw in the computer of the washroom. Just yesterday again, we came back from breakfast, C had time to drop everything on the washroom floor. So momy gently pick up her close and told her for “ I don’t know how many time in the four years” to not let her dirty close on the floor. C thinks she knows everything about everything and she able to communicate and express herself loud & clear of what she wants to get across. When K wants to talk to C often there is a negative into C and more then often C will play with words and make K feel stupid, but with love a patient sometime K will be able to express herself to C. When C want something (which is several times a day) her tone of voice changes into a more loving way. What I’m trying to say is C is very selfish and thinks only about her, nothing els matter but her. I’ll tell you a litter adventure happen last month. C wanted to travel to see a guy (while she is into another relationship locally), but K told C it wasn’t a good idea, C replied i’m an adult now and I do what I want. So C took off on a bus on a Thursday and was suppose to come back the next Monday. C decided to extend her staying and when time to come back, C rain out of money came. So C called K to ask for money, but we K & I was at friends and didn’t not heard her phone. So C decided to call K’s mother (grand mama) to ask for money to pay for her return home. Several hours later K check her text massages and you could read something like this: “How could you buy me a fucking return ticket and make me wait 5 yrs in NY ......” So C called her local boyfriend (student) to pay her a hotel room in NY. Than nany wok up C at 7 am at the hotel so C would not miss her bus living at 8am C answer why are you calling me I’m a big girl and know what to do. I’m sparing you a lot of details here.
So basically I feel invaded by the presence of C pretty much all the time. I don’t like the fact that: she only eats, shit, wash herself and go out of the house, the way she talks to her mom, the countless asking without seeing any improvements, the verbal abusive towards her mom, the knowing it all, the make you feel stupid when you try to talk to her, the arrogance she has towards people, the dirty under were she drops pretty much all over the house (washroom, hallway & kitchen), the night live in the house and act just like nobody is living there (K is sleeping through it all at night). Basically C does whatever she wants when she wants and I can’t do it any longer. My wife wants me to try to have a relationship with C and I have been telling her that if you (my wife) cannot have a respectful relationship with your daughter, how m I suppose to have one? My wife resent me of being cold towards her daughter and something feel I should live them to them self and be away from all this crap. Them I imagine a few years later “see I told you, see I was right see see see” but at the end it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong because we love each other very much, and I feel (on my side anyway) there would be huge lost & extreme pain that I would regret all my life. And on the other side I swear not to live into another abusive environment never again. Need good advice on how can I go throught this?

Thank you very much to take time to read and answer