It may not get better when they are 18
I have been a ST reader for years and used to have an account, i closed it like alot of people, so I wouldn't get discovered.
My story is this, I remarried 6 years ago to a women with a 13yo boy, a nice kid but very loud and a little out of control.
I did my best to parent him for a few years but always came up short, I then found this site and discovered what spousal status was and disingagement.. Well my ss has severe spousal status, and I soon discovered I was actually the 3rd in this marrige.
But I stuck it out waiting for him to leave for college, he finaly did and I thought ok now things will be better.
Well i discoverd last week that my DW was co-signing for a student loan for over $50.000. She knew I wouldn't do it because
I would not do it for my own kids, I will help show them way but I want them invested in their own future.
So when I talked to my DW that night she said she was doing it and it really didn't matter what I thought. :jawdrop:
I told her we cannot do this it is way to much and a 9 year loan (the 1st of many) but she is going to anyway.
So after all these years and all of the headaches I have now filed for a legal separation.
So my advice to all of you out there who are waiting for Kids to leave so it will get better, you may be in for big surpise like me:(
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Comments
Wow...I am so very sorry. It
Wow...I am so very sorry. It is truly amazing what some of these parents do. Honestly, it makes you understand wy the first spouse couldn't deal with their crap. Make sure that you are not responsible for that loan in any way. Good luck to you. If you have no kids, please make sure you find a woman with no kids. There are plenty of them out there.
FYI On student loans you
FYI On student loans you don't even have to be told.. But in my state I am still responsible if it de-faults
(Community Property State)
So there is no way to protect yourself unless you get divorced or separated before the loan is activated.
I called the bank where the loan was coming from but they would not talk to me about it.
Very scary stuff.
you can still get this
you can still get this corrected in your divorce decree:
"(Community Property State)
So there is no way to protect yourself unless you get divorced or separated before the loan is activated."
if you don't get divorced, and even though you are "responsible", it shouldn't go on your credit report, b/c you didn't sign or authorize anything.
Sigh.....you just voiced what
Sigh.....you just voiced what may be my biggest concern for the future.
I'm not sure of this, but I
I'm not sure of this, but I was recently told by a friend whose son is going into college, that on some loans I guess it is considered a student/parent loan, or the kids can't get them by themselves? So the parents are responsible if the kids don't pay it. And you are certainly right...for all those on ST that say, can't wait until they are 18, or out of HS, it really doesn't ever go away...no matter how old they are. The only thing you have going for you, is the law, and in some states I guess you have to pay CS way over the age of 18, and in some states you are required to pay for college as part of the divorce. I wouldn't live in one of those states for my life...would be worth the move. Paying for 18 years is long enough. It's really up the parent after that time, if your strong you'll tell your kid they have to make it on their own, but hearing about some of the Disney Dad's out there, if they are enabling now, they will continue to enable. That's why I don't get married...my money...his money.
You are so right on it not
You are so right on it not stopping after 18.
SD is 21 in less than 3 weeks. Her mother is still receiving support. The kid hasn't lived with her mom for 2 months. When we filed for emancipation, the papers read that we will maintain health insurance on her until 26!
Bm is stalling on the paperwork.
Dh got stuck with 57% of her dorm room text books, and was required to pay an allowance!
Paying for college is an
Paying for college is an issue in my house, too. SD18 packed up and moved out. She has an amazing job and will move into her own apt in a couple of weeks. College begins soon for her. She signed up for a teensy courseload- 2 classes. I will NOT be paying one dime of her college education.
DH told her yesterday that she will have to come up with the tuition herself for the first semester, unless she can get a student loan. Was there any talk of help from BM? Nope. SD18's reply, "Well, I may just have to wait to start college."
Bad move on her part..she will lose her fabulous job because she has to be enrolled in college to keep it. I told DH that she didn't HAVE to move out. She CHOSE to move out. I refuse to help her with college, especially now that she claimed she was ready to move out and is, after all, an adult now.
It is sad that after years of
It is sad that after years of trying to figure out how to step parent and going through all of the bs,
that at the end of the day you were just somebody filling in the parent spot.
The strange thing is my DW (or whatever I am supposed to call her) is not planning on moving out any time soon and her son 19 yo
is still home for the summer. That is wacky :O
I am still trying to figure out if I want to work on this mess or call it a day
BTW the college he is going to is $40.000 per year and the first loan was $50.000, thats gonna be alot of money