SMof2Girls's picture

BM wants to get SD6 a cell phone .. thoughts?

The only reason she gives is that she wants a way to be able to get ahold of her directly and that she thinks she's old enough.

DH has made it clear in the past that the expensive gadgets she buys the skids are not allowed in our home. Ipods, laptops, etc .. stay with BM. We do not want to be responsible if something breaks or gets lost (she has tried that a few times and demands reimbursement only to find the thing turn up a few weeks later). Saying the same thing about the cell phone would defeat the whole point of having it in the first place .. but should we allow it?

I think it's unacceptable for a 6yo to have a cell phone, but I know SD6 well. She will lose it or forget about it after a day or so and it will end up in the bottom of her toy box, probably damaged or broken, but definitely without a charged battery.

Have any of you dealt with this?

Also, we NEVER deny access for her to call the girls. She just doesn't. Skids haven't talked to BM since Sunday. No missed calls, no texts, no attempts. And the girls don't ask to call her either, so I'm not sure what a cell phone solves?


SMof2Girls's picture

I agree. BM does not think

I agree. BM does not think OUR house rules apply to her (obviously).

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

Helena.Handbasket's picture

It doesn't matter. When the

It doesn't matter. When the phone gets left with BM or taken away during skid visit, she'll have to deal with the fact that your rules DO apply.

—

There's no need to interact with me, I'm just here to observe. -Sheldon Cooper
Formerly *Alwaysanxious*

Kes's picture

I don't think it's desirable

I don't think it's desirable for kids under 10 to have their own phone, and then only if it's a necessity or a safety issue, and DEFINITELY not a smartphone. You CAN still get phones that just do calls and texts - I have one!!

—

Veteran disengaged SM of 12 years.

SMof2Girls's picture

Oh don't even get me started

Oh don't even get me started .. she has already asked DH what type of car he thinks they should buy the girls when they turn 16 (in 10 years).

She gets paid, blows a bunch of money on crap, and then whines that she needs more child support. She'll never be financially savvy enough to afford anything more than a couple hundred bucks.

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

Jsmom's picture

Whoa!!! I totally

Whoa!!! I totally disagree....My son got a car at 16 and it has worked out fantastically for all involved. It truly depends on the child. I do think these are conversations that parents have early with their kid and your expectations. Mine are easy, I pay your insurance and maintenance. You cover your gas. Straight A's - nothing less acceptable. No tickets or accidents and the car is gone. Also, will not be taking it to college. It stays here for when you are home. Not paying for the permit on campus.

Also, this was my decision to give him a car. He has no father, so this is all on me. You can not blame the dads for this....

You can not mandate something like no car at 16. If they are good kids, they deserve freedom, until they abuse it. My son alway knew he would get a car when he turned 16. He knew I would decide the car and when. But, my expectations are high. SS13 has seen what BS17 has received because of good grades and he is trying to do the same. He will also get a car as long as he does what is expected of him.

You can say a 6 year old shouldn't have a cell phone due to their age and responsibility level, but you can't say that all kids should not have a car at 16. Totally depends on the child.

Disneyfan's picture

THIS

THIS

SMof2Girls's picture

I understand what you're

I understand what you're saying, but I disagree.

Being a good, responsible kid with good grades at 16 is not grounds for a car (free of cost) IMO. I know things are different with kids and parenting now, but when did meeting the minimum expectations warrant these huge gifts? It's like getting a sports trophy for participation ..

Every parent makes their own parenting decisions and if it works out great for them, wonderful!

If DH decides he wants to give her a car when she's 16, that's on him and BM (cost, insurance, everything). If she wants to get a job and work to save one, I could get behind helping her out. Free hand outs? I don't think so.

The whole point, however, was that she is currently 6yo. Who is thinking about what kind of car to buy your 6yo in 10 years? And to clarify, they never discussed that they would buy her a car in the first place .. BM just assumes DH will.

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

Jsmom's picture

I was thinking of a car at 16

I was thinking of a car at 16 for my son. I had my plan for him formulated then. I plan everything. That is my way of parenting. It works for me. I am not one that wants to wait and see what will happen. I am gave him expectations everytime he mentioned a car...

He did not get a new car, he got a used pick up truck.

Planned that as well, because it only has two seats and a jumpseat and a cover on the back so no teens can joy ride in it.

Planned it all out and it has worked for us. As I write this he just got back from volunteering at the church resale shop. Planned that for him as well because he didn't get a job for the summer, so he is volunteering. Jobs are hard to get for teens around here.

My DH does nothing to maintain this car or pay for it. That is on me and BS17. Not his kid, not his problem...

Jsmom's picture

You can't plan everything

You can't plan everything but, you can certainly try.

I see nothing wrong with her planning this out now and sounding it out to your DH. That way they come to an agreement together before the time comes and the child has their own ideas. If you tell them the expectations early, they know mom and dad's limits and what they will do so the child can plan accordingly.

SMof2Girls's picture

Sounds great in theory,

Sounds great in theory, right?

With two parents who communicate well and work together for the best interest of their kids .. I couldn't agree with you more. If a car is what you want for your kids, talk about it, plan for it, make it happen.

That is not BM's intention. When one parent is crazy, manipulative, materialistic, and unstable .. it's not really a matter of strategic planning for your children .. it's figuring out BM's real motives are.

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

SMof2Girls's picture

spot on!

spot on!

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

ybarra357's picture

"I would not buy my child or

"I would not buy my child or a step child a car. That's an expense they need to foot themselves, once they are old enough and mature enough to understand the responsibility!"

Agree

Disneyfan's picture

If BM wants to spend her

If BM wants to spend her money on a cell phone, you can't stop her.

Just because SD has a phone, doesn't mean she gets to use it in your home.

If I were in your shoes, the phone would stay in the car. Once the kids step in the car, it would go into the arm rest. It would stay there until drop off.

BSgoinon's picture

^^^THIS^^^ 6yo is clearly too

^^^THIS^^^ 6yo is clearly too young for a phone. But you can't stop her. I didn't want my 10yo to have a phone yet, but her dad bought it for her. Once she is home, it goes in my room until she leaves. She is given free reign with it at her dads, and she has so much drama going on with her friends because of it. Kids that age are not equipt with the skills and maturity needed to manage a relationship via text. I don't care WHO the relationship is with, friends, parents WHATEVER. Texting is dangerous at that age and taken advantage of. Your house, your rules. No phone at age 6.

—

"They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that is why they hated me."- Sheldon Lee Cooper

Anon2009's picture

I agree with Disneyfan. I

I agree with Disneyfan.

I also think you're right on about not allowing it in your home. I have young cousins under 10 who have friends who have iPod touches (the newer fancy ones) and iPhones. I think that is crazy.

—

Chapter 3, Ecclesiastes, vs. 1-8

Ommy's picture

my future mother in law

my future mother in law bought a 3 year old (SD3) an IPod touch. It is FDH's. There is no need for a child to have anything like that.

smartone's picture

Six is way too young. My 11

Six is way too young. My 11 yr old lost his after about a month. My 9 yr old has kept up with hers so far. They have text/call only phones (do NOT allow your kids to send/receive pics!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and only because they go places without me. My daughter dances 5 hours a week and I'm not gonna sit there that long. She also carries it across the street, to the neighbors, etc. so she can tell me when she leaves one house to go to another. But six...that's just crazy.

silver ring's picture

What does she need a cell

What does she need a cell phone? She can't even read properly yet.If BM wants to buy a cellular, let her. But tell her that the girl is not allowed to use it while she is at your house. Bottom line.
My stepson was asking his biological mother to buy him an Ipad so he can watch Disney junior on it. I caught him telling her on the phone and I put him in his place immediately. I told his dad too, my husband, and he said point blank " No Ipads, Iphones, cell phones in my house until you are old enough to handle them. Like close to 18 years old."
If you can't say that directly to the BM, advice your husband to enforce the rules.
Your house, your rules.

SMof2Girls's picture

Agree

Agree

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

Jsmom's picture

Stupid. If BM wants her to

Stupid. If BM wants her to have one, it can be on her time. Not on yours. SD got one earlier than we liked and she got addicted to it. So DH made her put it up when she was on our time...BM got pissed, but it was not her house and we told her that.

Orange County Ca's picture

She's 6 of course she'll lose

She's 6 of course she'll lose or break it.

Leave it with BM.

SMof2Girls's picture

That's part of why it's all

That's part of why it's all so stupid. If we do allow it, it won't last. It will break, get lost, be forgotten. If we don't allow it, it's just another point of contention in the situation for her to throw a fit over.

But I feel like if we give her an inch, she will take a mile. Boundaries are not something she is used to, which is surprising considering she's active duty military.

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

SMof2Girls's picture

Oh there is. A house phone

Oh there is. A house phone AND DH's cell phone.

She doesn't call.

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~

smdh's picture

Did you ever get unwanted

Did you ever get unwanted advice and just smile and nod and do whatever you want anyway? That is how you react to what the BM thinks is a good idea. My mantra is McCrazy can do whatever the hell she wants, but when SD steps foot in my house, she lives by our rules and within our boundaries, so if McCrazy gets her a cell phone and we disagree with it, we smile, say that's nice and promptly remove it from her person while she is here. She can have it back when she returns.

SMof2Girls's picture

This is precisely what I

This is precisely what I think we'll do. Our rules are our rules. They are not abusive or unreasonable and they've worked pretty darn well so far.

Thanks Smiling

—

*~* Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder *~*

~*~ Examine what you tolerate. ~*~