FigNewton's picture

Husband going on vacation with grown daughter...not me, his wife of 2 years

I have been married two years to a man with 5 grown children. My relationships with each one of them is very different but can be summed up by saying that our interactions are awkward and they continue to be disrespectful, unthoughtful and rude to me. But I am writing today to ask for advice on a particular tough situation that I am dealing with. My husband had always "promised" to take his daughter on a vacation to a particular place. His ex-wife would never agree to a family vacation to this particular place, so they never went. Now his daughter is in her mid-20s and married and next week going on that vacation...just the two of them. Mind you, my husband and I aren't going on vacation this year. Nope. Just his daughter and him are going on the vacation. From the minute they started planning this, I expressed my disappointment and frustration to him about this vacation. It didn't matter. His fatherly guilt about promises unfilled were more valuable to him that my feelings. And truly if I knew that this trip would erase all of his fatherly guilt, then I would be packing his suitcase for him. But I know that isn't going to happen. His fatherly guilt will return on the plane with him. He gave her a good childhood, he gave her an expensive wedding, he has been a good dad. But honestly, she is a married working grown woman going on vacation (that he is paying for) with her father. And my husband, although he says he understands where I am coming from, is still going on this trip. It's like he could never stand up to his ex-wife about this trip but he has no problem disrepecting my feelings. He keeps saying he is sorry that I am hurting but it doesn't matter...I am still hurting.


stepdown's picture

I go on short trips with

I go on short trips with DD26. Just two of us, we obviously share a hotel room and often have a to share a bed if only one king bed is available. Plus we go places where DH would not want to go. Plus we are two women and do girl stuff, and it doesn't cut into my vacation time with DH. DH and I still have our vacations that we enjoy just two of us. I do sometimes enjoy my time with DD separately as I don't see her often and miss her and she is single.

My OSD is married and her DH is extremely cheap, he refuses to go on vacation and gives her hard time if she spends any money. So she wants to go on vacation with us because it is paid by us. She insists we take her on vacation with us even if it is clearly romantic trip or places we like to go. We used to do it but we got fed up, she is very high maintenance and it is too expensive! They both make very good money are way in their 30s!

She is visiting here for Christmas and just yesterday she asked again to inform her when we go on our next vacation so she can make sure she joins us. WTF? She even said why don't you guys go to the areas that are driving distance from her (flying from us) so she can drive there to join us and we should get a cabin or two room hotel suite(of course for free) WTF? DH told her we are not going on vacation this year. Of course we do just without her, he just didn't want to start a fight again. This is really messed up. We do like when she visits us, and we go places around but we don't want 30s something married woman with us on romantic trips.

TinyMontgomery's picture

Stumbled upon this as I was

Stumbled upon this as I was looking for some ideas for travel adventures with my 12 y/o duaghter. What a bunch of crap all this is. This guy goes on ONE trip with his daughter, of which the circumstances are barely known, and I read things about how insectual it appears? What a bunch of psycho basal jealous BS! Let them go on their trip ,live their own lives and deal with your household and marriage and don't air out your petty jealousies on a web site. Why in the hell do you feel any need to be threatened by his KIDS! Sounds like a you problem not a them problem. To all the bleeding hearts on hear that find something wrong with this go live your own F'n lives and stop meddling like a bunch of gossiping Glendas. Love your Husband, don't turn every action in to a slight against you and trust each other with confidence. You married the man knowing he had a prior marriage with children. You should have doen a whole lot more soul searching if you thought that any of that would bother you. Not really being honest with him or yourself. It makes me so mad tinking of this poor guy probably innocently living up to a promise to his daughter, I mean you only get one chance in life, and he's being bashed by the majority of you because his Wife went behind his back to find solace in a website forum of a bunch of like minded strangers. What is this world coming to? Puzzled

ybarra357's picture

Insectual LOL!! is that a

Insectual LOL!! is that a new kid of kinky thing LOL too funny....

sandye21's picture

The closest word I found to

The closest word I found to insectual is 'insectival': "pertaining to, or resembling an insect." The closest thing I could find on the Intenet was the article 'Bug Beings and Mantis Men'. But then, when I think of the habits of the Praying Mantis, there ARE certain similarities when it comes to SD and DH. They DO bite off their heads, don't they? LOL

StepAside's picture

Sounds like a Bug Carnival.

Sounds like a Bug Carnival. I like bumble bees!!! Can I be one?

Smooth seas don't make great sailors.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

LOL. You can get off

LOL. You can get off your soap box now. Thanks for the advice, we were managing quite well without your holier than thou input.

71smurfs's picture

lets see you always feel like

lets see you always feel like second best no matter what you do. you not got a good friend go on holiday the day he is due back leave him a note saying my friend invited me didn't want to spoil your holiday by bringing it up see you in a week. then go have a good time might make him think twice.

jackie