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Going Crazy!!

Browneyedgirl1023's picture

We have been together for almost 3 yrs, married a little over one year. I have a SS that is 12 that lives with us and two biological children my daughter is 13 and my son is 10.

My SS believes that I treat him unfairly and show favoritism to my daughter. When we go to her volleyball tourneys and she comes off the court thirsty and we head to the concession stand he sends my son with us to "keep track of how much money is spent" on my daughter. He expects dollar for dollar treatment! I attend all school events for ALL kids, I take them all to all of their practices, I attend all sports games, birthday parties, etc. My SS's BM doesn't bother to show up. I am actively involved at all of their schools....my SS's teachers are on a first name basis with me!! I am SUPER involved. Yet, my SS thinks I am unfair and treat him badly. To the point that he has told his father that he wants to live with his mother.

The problem is that my SS has been bringing home bad grades and not doing anything to earn him special rewards, etc. But my BD and BS are! They are honor roll ALL A's type of kids... My SS brings home F's, D's, C's and B's (rare). SS feels that I am always yelling at him, but half the time when I speak to him he ignores me! BM is horrible to me and in fact caused a scene the other day at a doctors office...and a few months ago tried to run over me in the street in front of my house while I was walking to get the mail.

I have just about had enough! My SS "snitches" on me all the time to my husband, mostly by text messages about things that I do that he feel justify why he treats me like he does. It seems that my husband agrees, because he doesn't respond to the texts and never tells his son to stop nit-picking and looking for issues. My husband NEVER wants to go to show support for my BD at awards ceremonies, provides her with minimal positive feedback and instead wants to criticize IN FRONT of his son when my daughter isn't doing dishes, etc. "like a 13/14 yr old girl should." My BS is not treated much better, it seems sometimes that the only time my husband speaks to my kids is to lecture them on the cleanliness of their room, their bed not being made up properly or the mess in the bathroom.

I am soo tired. HELP!!!

instantfamily's picture

Why are you with this guy?
First off: sending one kid to "spy" on another to find out how much is spent on them is ridiculous. We don't let my DH's older son parent younger daughter because it sets a precedent of a child in the role of a parent as well as sets him up to think YOU are not trust worthy. Your DH sounds like he has some serious inferiority issues. Sorry his son is a mess right now, doesn't mean that your daughters don't deserve props for being above average. He sounds like he's almost plotting against you and using his kiddo as a pawn. Insecure man = not very attractive. How does he react when you’ve talked to him about this? Does he acknowledge at all that he’s being petty and not taking responsibility? If not, will he go to a family/couples counselor and perhaps hear that he’s being nuts??

Browneyedgirl1023's picture

To clarify: It was his SON (SS) that sent my biological son to "spy" on me and my daughter at the concession stand..... The problem is that my DH doesn't put a stop to his son behaving like this. And the bottom line is I dont think he can put a stop to it because he feels his sons feelings are justified.

I read somewhere that as a stepparent we shouldn't be expected to LOVE our stepchildren as if they are our own biological children. I do everything for my stepson - his mother does NOTHING! he lives with us FT and visits with her and she is the "Disney mom" when they are together....I get stuck being the disciplinarian, the parent/teacher conferences, you name it! But, the bottom line is he ISN"T my son! I don't love him like I love my own children. And when push comes to shove if I did want to do something special for my own children - I am made to feel guilty about it. But they are MY KIDS! I should be able to do special things for them.

Mrsbmckee's picture

WOW, that is a tough situation. It seems like if you are as involved in all the kids lives he should be as well. There would be no different treatment for your children if they brought home poor grades. Maybe try to explain this to your husband as a way of motivating his son and see if he can get on the same page with you.