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most DH's and SO's seem totally clueless with their offspring-agree?

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:19pm

I don't want to find any excuses , but in the last few weeks I read so many stories about dads doing such a lousy job in parenting their children that I came to the conclusion that many of them seem virtually incapable of parenting at all.
I know, I know, there are many hopeless BMs , too, but it strikes me lately that those dads are really don't know what parenting is.
All this extreme spoiling and overcoddling....which is so obviously harmful for the child and their wives , it seems as they are helpless and truly believe that this is the only way to do it.
Is it maybe because when their children were born in the traditional and first marriage the mother was the main responsible parent??And that they were the breadwinners?
Example - my ex- yes, I was the stay at home (but still working) mum who looked after the kids for all these years.And even after being separated for 4 years now, he still doesn't know how to make sure the children are clean, hair brushed and homeworked, lol.
The other example- SO-though he is a really great father most of the times now, I remember clearly how he would declare openly that "spoiling"was his main parenting method.And allowed SD7 to rule his world and he would dance to her pipe!!
where does that come from, what are your thoughts?

Comments

Riamama23's picture

Submitted by Riamama23 on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:05pm

I dont understand why men parent like this at all! I have been trying to figure this out!It sets their children up for a big rude awakening.My ss12 is a real joy until Dad gets home,it's a damn shame!I feel as though he tries to make up for not having him all the time.Whats really funny is that fh can be anal and, he always tells ss he can live with us.lolThat kid would really get a swift kick in the ass to find out we dont go on outings everyday or he can't stay up to 3 am during the week.Sometimes,I wish I could be the fun care free parent,then I remember I want my bk's to be independent,goal setting, respectful and,ready to enter real life!

imthewife's picture

Submitted by imthewife on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:06pm

I couldn't agree with you more.

I gave my DH way to many excuses out of raising his daughter properly, with firm limits and him being involved when she was young. I have helped to raise her since she was 3.

I think it's one part guilt and one part having not the slightest idea what good parenting is.

As my SD has grown up, now in college, I still have to battle him in all the common sense stuff. I really don't think they take these kids as seriously as they should.

They baby them to keep them happy...and in the end...it's us who have to deal...personally, I feel sorry for the poor sucker who my SD gets her claws into because I see alot of character flaws in her because of all her coddling....she is gonna expect way more than any guy in her generation is gonna stick around for.

imthewife's picture

Submitted by imthewife on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:09pm

Riamama23...you said it!

Kids need to be ready to enter the real world...where NO is a regular occurence...what will these pampered kiddos do when daddy isn't at work with them?

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:18pm

I sometimes dare to think that the good old role model of the" man being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home with the kiddos "could be the reason for this weird behaviour.Maybe many men simply struggle with being a hands-on-parent if they in the past just played with the children for an hour after work and on the weekends while the BM's did all the main parenting work?Or is it in general something about men being helpless with kids????