New and just need help & advice
Hello all, I am new here, but have been reading everyones post for a few weeks now. I am so confused and unsure about what to do. I have 2 biological children of my own (BD 8 and BS 7) and I am with a man who has 3 children and full custody of all 3. (SS 8, SD 6, SD 3). He wants me to just step in and be mom to them. My problem is they drive me crazy. The SD3 absolutely drives me nuts & I hate to say I really do not like her at all. Their mother is not in the picture at all, so we have them all the time. SD3 is sooo manipulative & thinks she should get away with everything & most of the time her dad lets her. She and the other two lie all the time and my SO doesn't think it is that big of a deal. SD3 constantly goes into BD8's room and steals her stuff and all SO says to her is "don't do that again". I don't even feel comfortable leaving her in my house with my SO because I know she is allowed to do and take whatever she wants,including my $200 watch. (he actually let her play dress up with it!) I want to be with him, but I am not sure I can take dealing with his kids from now on. To add to everything, I am almost 6months pregnant. I just do not know how to tell someone I love them, but do not want their children. It is even harder because he is very good with my two kids & acts like they are his. He is a good man and I just don't know what to do!
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Sorry to say it doesnt get
Sorry to say it doesnt get any better. I disliked SD16, knew her since she was 10 or so. Now just hearing her name makes me ill.....sorry
Try not to stress yourself so
Try not to stress yourself so your pregnancy can be healthy and full-term. I lost my baby last Thanksgiving and stress is not making getting pregnant again any easier....My SD is 20 months and I've known her since she was 4 months and it definietly gets worse as Skids get older. I'm new to here too and i've read sooome blogs and oh boy!
So no...it doesn't get better but you have find something to help you....so you can be healthy, happy, and all that jazz!
I'm still searching for mine........at least ur pregnant...congrads!!!!!!
Thank you! Right now it is
Thank you! Right now it is hard for me to be really excited about what is to come because I feel like my house has been taken over and I never get a free minute to myself or with my biological kids. I cannot imagine how it is going to be bringing a newborn into the picture. My So's kids are so wild and are never quiet. I just want my peaceful house back. I feel guilty because I know these kids need a mother, but I feel like I am having to sacrifice my relationship with my Biological kids and I'm having to give up my entire life just to take care of his kids. I have tried disengaging from them, but it is almost impossible to sit back and watch them destroy my house & do what they want and just not say anything.
Sorry I didn't quite get all
Sorry I didn't quite get all the details! Are you all living together now? How is SO with the older 2? Do you think that that the 3 yo is just getting a case of I am the baby? Maybe she is figuring out that once the new baby comes she won't be the baby anymore?
1-2-3 magic was a great parenting/discipline book for my kids. It is a no yelling/no spanking/ no nonsense approach. I really liked it and it gave my kids boundaries and expectations quickly. Maybe your SO would be into giving the principals of the book a try? And since it is no yelling or spanking it would be good for you to use since you aren't the "bio" parent.
I know you must be stressed out to the max, 5 kids with one on the way is A LOT for anyone to handle. We have 3 combined, and FSS is with us full time. It gets really really hard sometimes when all you want is a break from kids that aren't even yours! Good luck and keep that baby you are growing healthy!
We are living together. We
We are living together. We have been for about 5 months now. My SD3 has been acting this way long before she found out we were going to be having another one, so I don't think that is the cause of her behavior. It seems like everyday it just gets worse and worse. SD3 and SD6 have gotten to a point where when I ask them something they just look at me and walk off. I finally had enough and told SO that he would make them respect me or else. Now, he gets on to them about 1 out of 5 times they do it. SS8 is better than the girls, but still has a major listening issue. He argues with everything you say to him (including with SO) and starts crying if he gets an answer he doesn't like. My Bio kids are not angels, but they do listen to me and my SO and know what I will and will not take. SKids just do not care what we expect and will lie over everything if they think they are going to get in trouble. I really think they have issues over their mother not being there for them, but my SO refuses to think there is anything wrong. He truly believes they are just being normal kids, but I know some of the behavior is not normal. I am terrified about what I will be having to deal with as these kids get older. Does it ever get better???
I have had a lot of issues
I have had a lot of issues with FSS. His mother abandoned him too. My FDH let's me have free range in disciplining him though which helps (I do the same to him when it comes to disciplining my kids as well, its a 2 way street). He even gets upset with me if I don't discipline. We have expectations for our house and all 3 kids (mine and his) are expected to act appropriately. When they don't there are consequences.
That being said, we are by mo means perfect. There are days that FSS is acting up from the moment he wakes until he is in bed. Problems at school in sports, everything. Those are the days I want to rip my hair out!! Its a battle of wills but there is no way a 6 yr old is going to better me. So, I lay down the law and he spends a lot of time in his room alone. The thing that kills me though, is when FDH asks me what I did to cause a "bad day". He is getting better after I lit into him about it last time, but I think every parent gets a bit defensive about their own kids.
I think the key is that you all have to be on the same page, back each other up, and stick to the rules you lay out. You are a mom, you know this. You just have to make your SO see that being a disney dad is going to bite him in the ass big time down the road and that his kids deserve a real dad, not a guilty one. He stuck around for them, now he has to follow through.
I have 2 bios, DH has 2 kids.
I have 2 bios, DH has 2 kids. When we got together they were, BD8, BD4, SD8, SS3. DH was like your DH - good man, great with my kids, his kids a terror and his form of discipline was to 'tell them not to do it again' - boy oh boy did he 'tell' them not to do 'it' again.
We only have them 50% of the time.
Its been 4 years.
The only thing that has changed is that DH ignores more things, he still only says, don't do that again. SS6 is flunking the first grade due to behavior issues, I have built up resentment because of DHs lazy\lack of parenting and can't stand SS6, I am able to tolerate SD12 in small doses. Its not getting better and now I have 4 years invested and my kids have a relationship with skids and DH.
I still love DH - but I don't know if that will be enough.
I cannot imagine living like
I cannot imagine living like this for 4yrs. I stay so stressed out all the time. I actually got up the nerve last night to tell him I did not want to spend my 3days at the lake with all his family this weekend and that he should go and take his kids and have a good time. He was very upset and said that I was just trying to get rid of him. Every part of me wanted to yell out of course I want to get rid of you and the monsters for 3 days! All I said was that it would be nice to have a stress free quiet weekend. He cannot understand that I am 6months preggo and do not want to spend 3 days at the lake chasing kids around while he sits back and has a good ole time with the men in his family. It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.