Am i being unreasonable??

Forums:

I am in a bad situation. I have a step child who is 11. Her mom lets her wear short skirts. Some may have shorts underneath but honestly you could see her butt cheeks. I asked her father if maybe he could let her know to sit like a lady. This was not getting through to her so he wanted her to change. She called her mom and the mom got mad and said she was to never listen to us and not to ever change. Her mom came and got her and her father and I said if she is going to disrespect us by not listening to us then she is not welcome. Are we wrong?? I mean , is it only logical to respect other adults in their home?? The mom felt i shouldve contacted her and talked about it. Even though she said her skirt was beautiful and not a problem. She said i was being childish and put her daughter to shame. I had family coming over and I only wanted the best for her. Mostly men coming by. Her mother said I was sick for even thinking like that. 11 year olds get molested too...the world is crazy...

BM sounds like an idiot. She

BM sounds like an idiot. She did not help matters. However, if you are concerned that your male family members would be looking at your SD... I wouldn't invite them over. Dress code is an area I would stay out of. Let DH handle it. It seems harsh to say she's not welcome...sounds like things got heated. I'd advise DH to have a heart to heart w her that leaves her knowing he loves her, thinks she's beautiful, and wants her to cover up even if it's what all the cool kids are wearing. Taking her shopping for jeans and a shirt might ease the blow too. Compliment the outfits you do like.

Thanks for replying.Things

Thanks for replying.Things did get heated. We have taken her shopping. She still comes over like that. Not concerned abt family(some male children) its just been a problem for years. I want her tocome over our home I just want her to have respect in our home. Period. I did admit to BM that we shouldve sat down and talked about how to handle different situations.She said I needed to get over my ego. BTW i talked to hubby to avoid any nonsense from her mom from asking for SD to sit more like a young lady. That still failed...

Of course you are in the

Of course you are in the right here....she should sit properly. I don't know how you can explain it to her that will get through. It sounds like BM is the one who needs to lose the ego. She's not your friend, you don't need her approval. Not now. Not ever.

My God there are enough

My God there are enough perverts out there without tempting them even more, I would not have let any of my skids wear inappropriate clothes, good on you for saying no, BM is being silly and she is so wrong, perhaps she is being so defensive because she realises that she is in the wrong, as parents it is our responsibility to make sure that our kids/skids are wearing appropriate clothing.

As for sitting with her legs

As for sitting with her legs open, perhaps you could warn her that everyone at school will laugh at her if she dos'nt learn to sit with her legs together, not nice I know, but it might work.

Maybe buy her some leggings?

Maybe buy her some leggings? It is uncomfortable to "sit like a lady" all the time. Men have it so much easier. Maybe take her to a nice restaurant where she has to dress up a bit? She's dressing this way to fit in or because she's insecure. Address those issues. It's not about obedience to you or DH. That isn't going to motivate her to change her behavior.

Yes thats a good idea, those

Yes thats a good idea, those 3 quarter ones are good. Lol my sd6 of course has no idea how to sit without flashing so if its a little warm she wears them. In an idea world we should all be able to wear/not wear what we want, sadly this world in not like that, making sure a child is appropriately dressed is part of protecting them.

Thanks for all of replies! I

Thanks for all of replies! I have been up all night trying to figure out what to do. I feel horrible. In the end my SD gets hurt and that is not what I'm aiming for.
Lisabeth, BM told us in a text she told her daughter never to wear leggings if we buy them. Also, that she is never to change out of her clothing. I honestly am left without anything left to say.

She said said the right thing to do was to teach her how to sit properly instead of putting her to shame.

DH can tell her there are

DH can tell her there are different rules for different homes and she can stay in her room until she's dressed.

Yes thats right, if sd6 says

Yes thats right, if sd6 says I can do that at home, I reply I don't care, this is what you will do in this house.

Thanks so much for all your

Thanks so much for all your help. I feel at ease.

Its nice to see that a Step

Its nice to see that a Step Mom cares so much, good for you

We asked her mom to come and

We asked her mom to come and get her because I was trying to explain to her father we have to stand as one not divided. He didnt understand what was going on at first because he didnt see her with legs flying open. So DH and I were not seeing eye to eye at first. I tried to have a good relationship with her mother I am not the one for drama. My DH refuses to talk to her only text about SD. Period. I just tried to be a nice person. Obviously it didnt work so Im done. Told her not to contact me whatsoever

You need to let the

You need to let the bio-parents make these decisions. Point out to Dad what he may not be aware of but at that point leave it to them. You will live a happier life if you remember you are the powerless step mother and not responsible for this kid.

A man is not a pervert if a 11yo flashes her crotch at him and he looks then looks away. Touching is another matter of course. Considering a man a pervert because he is hard wired brain requires him to look simply confirms that you don't yet understand how a man is wired from birth to re-populate the earth. Without that hard wiring most men would not bother with a woman at all and of course some women would think that just fine.