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Resentments Building against SD5

MyMyMillie's picture

I just found this forum and really need to vent or talk to someone who has been through this before. Im finding that discussing these issues with my s/o are probably not too healthy, although she agrees completely with me about her daughters behavior.

I am finding that I have some strong feelings and it bothers me. We just had a baby and some little things have turned into big things. I completely understand that sd is only five and is going through some serious feelings and emotions herself. My level of stress skyrockets when she is around. She always wants to be very close to the baby and touch her and try to pick her up, she has very litle awareness of her surroundings and is constantly falling running into things etc. I realize that this is typical 5 yo behavior but when she is around, which is always, I am very tense. I am terrified that she is gonna accidently hurt the baby by trying to be a big helper..I also dont find her interactions with the baby cute at all..i really dont find anything she does as cute..it becomes annoying bc she whines constantly..

She also is very emotional and needy and when she dosent get her way she throws a tantrum then a pity party, sometimes they last 5 minutes, sometimes over an hour, but they happen daily. I feel that my whole life has been consumed by her and i cont even enjoy time with the baby. I have only been with s/o about a year and i do realize that the bond with sd will take time to grow, but right now its very tough. I dont see her as the babys big sister, though i know that she is. She is a sweatheart 90% of the time but that time is clouded by all of the tantrums and the stress that is caused. I count down the days till she goes to stay with her dad which is every other weekend. I dont want it to be this way and am troubled by these feelings that I have. I feel like i am getting robbed of enjoying the time with my dd bc she takes up so much time and energy.

I know that I have alot to work on but I cant continue to feel this way daily. Im a horrible writer so i apologize about the ramblings

smdh's picture

So you've been with your gf for a little over a year and already have a baby together. THat is a lot of change for a little girl.

How are the temper tantrums / pity parties handled?
How does your gf feel about the way she is with the baby?

I get that you're stressed and anxious. Those are normal feelings with a step and even more normal with a new baby. She shouldn't be allowed to hold the baby or pick him or her up. SHe is too little for that responsibility. Make out a list of things she CAN safely help with and praise her for that. Lifting the baby should be punished consistently.

MyMyMillie's picture

Yeah things moved qiuckly with my s/o and i know that it may confuse a little child

As far as handling the tantrums, pity parties-we started ignoring them and sending her to time out. she stays up there until she processes the emotions. the start with anger then go to self pity..we also do stickers to reward good behavior. The thing that is tough, and we talk about it all the time, is that she pushes and pushes when mom is nice and takes advantage of it. Its almost like sd has a built in reflex to argue with everything that mom says..no matter what mom suggests sd says no. "time for a bathy" i dont want to, "lets play a bord game" no. i want to play outside! ansd the list goes on and on..its beyond normal 5 yo behaviour..

so is concerned at times but doesnt worry like i do. she has scolded her for trying to pick up the baby (4 lb 10 oz) and we try to get her to wash her hands before she starts rubbing all over the baby but often that turns into a tantrum.."i dont want to wash my hands" it seems like whatever is suggested she doesnt want to do..we try and give her options and it helps sometimes..i constantly tell her shes a good big sis and sd adores me which make sit more difficult to deal with these feelings that I have

janeyc's picture

I suspect that you would rather just it be the 3 of you, that is completely normal, my sd6 is a handfull as well, she constantly needs attention from me, I understand how wearing it is, sounds to me as though you are handling the tantrums well, I put sd6 in her room and leave her when she has one, as for telling her that she is a good sister that is spot on, I think that as she settles and grows up a little she will calm down a bit, just keep doing what you are doing, she is very lucky to have you as a positive female infulence in her life, I know this must be difficult for you and I would insist that your sd never touch the baby when no one else is there.

Disneyfan's picture

If she's a sweetheart 90% of the time, she's handling the changes in her life pretty well.

In one year, her mom met a man, they started living together and had a baby. I'm 44 and that's too much too soon for me handle.

MyMyMillie's picture

I again agree, and we have been seeing a child psycologist to try and ensure that the transition with the baby will be as smooth as possible..

Toooldfor this's picture

Sounds like you are being very responsive and responsible parents to me! All new parents are protective of their children and I bet, even if the SD was your biological child, you would feel the same way. Tantrums are exhausting and five year olds don't have the emotional intelligence to deal with major life changes gracefully. Hang in there! This is a major transition for all of you!

Orange County Ca's picture

Listen to the others advise but above it all remember you are the adult. You pay 10% of time with her to enjoy the other 90% according to your estimate. I think that's pretty normal in fact abnormally good for a kid going through this.

There are no unwounded children in a divorce.