newmommy05's picture

How do your parents treat your Skids?

I'm just wondering how everyone's parents reacted to them having Skids? Mine are not that keen on the idea and I know that so I try to keep SS from going to their house for family functions. MY DH knows it but doesn't seem to mind. I feel kind of bad for SS that my parents don't care for him but on the other hand I understand my parents. At Christmas if SS is there, they will usually get him something small like a little toy or something but for DD they will get her lots. They don't give her the presents in front of SS or anything, I doubt he even notices. I'm just not really sure how my parents are supposed to be in terms of interacting with SS.

supawoman's picture

My family has always been

My family has always been kind and polite to my skids. That's all I expected from them. They never gave my skids presents and that was okay. The relationships are different.

Life is like a stage play. You are the playwright and the stage manager. What story do you want to tell? Choose your words, supporting casts and audience carefully.

Echo's picture

My parents told me when my

My parents told me when my husband and I got married, that if I loved the boys and accepted them as a part of my family, then they were a part of their family as well. If you stood back and watched, you would never have known which was a step grandchild and which was a blood grandchild. They spent the same amount of money on gifts, had them over to spend the night, etc. Just like "real" grandkids. My parents are loving, caring and compassionate people. To a fault. They're simply amazing.

They'll do anything for anyone. But, mess with their family and it's on. So, once my SSs and I parted ways and once my parents knew some of the things they'd said and done? They were done with them. My Dad has made it abundantly clear that they are no longer welcome in their home.

So, when the boys were little, my parents treated them a their own. They're sad it's taken the turn that it has, but no longer want anything to do with them.

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

janeyc's picture

Oh that is such a shame, but

Oh that is such a shame, but how lovely your parents are, I live quite far away from my parents, they love my brother's ss and I know they would love my sd and treat her as a grandchild too.

overworkedmom's picture

Once it was clear that FSS

Once it was clear that FSS was going to be a part of the family he instantly became a grandchild. He is included in everything that my kids do with the grandparents. He gets post cards from trips, presents, everything. They treat him just like my kids.

janeyc's picture

I think that that is the way

I think that that is the way it should be, its lovely Smiling

herewegoagain's picture

Really, unless the kid lives

Really, unless the kid lives with you full time and has no other family contact with the other side, then I can understand that the kid should be treated the same. But if they have a bio-dad or bio-mom, other bio-family that they visit, etc. then honestly, I think it's your parent's right to do/treat them as they wish. That does not mean they should be mean to the kid, but I do not think they are wrong for spending more on their own grandkids. At the end of the day, these kids of divorce many times get 4 times as many presents, blah, blah, blah...so they need to learn to deal with the fact that they have 2 parents/2 families/2 sets of grandparents...just like ALL other kids.

newmommy05's picture

I think its great that your

I think its great that your parents are able to accept Skids as part of their family but that means the Skids get twice the number of parents and grandparents. They have BM's parents, BD's parents, SF's parents and SM's parents. That usually means twice the number of birthday/christmas presents, etc. How do your Bio's feel about that?

young_step_mom's picture

My parents have never met SS

My parents have never met SS because we live in a different country and everytime my parents have come to visit BM has managed to keep SS from us (how she knows they are coming I have NO idea). Anyway, even though they have never met my mom always asks about him when she calls and always brings him a present when she comes for a visit. She loves all kids that age though, she is a pre-school teacher. My father, however, doesn't even mention him. I don't think he has asked me about him once and neither of them have ever asked to meet him. Who knows what will happen when they do meet.

stepmom1989's picture

My parents treat skids well.

My parents treat skids well. At first they thought I was crazy for going from no children to taking on 3! But after I told them that I love DH and the skids are apart of loving him, it comes with the territory. They backed off. My Dad drives me nuts now because when we all go over to visit, he showers them with candy and cookies! My Mom, on the other hand is still a little leery. She loves them, but knows how it feels to be a SM and don't want me tied down full time with 3 kids from another mother. She wants a grand baby who is blood, and I understand that. However, she does treat them with total respect and care; which is alright by me.

Identitycrisis's picture

My parents are kind to the

My parents are kind to the skids whenever they come over but my mom is a little distant from them. This is mostly because I have confided in her the dynamics of the stepfamily. If skids were going to be at their house for Christmas, they would buy them a present. If not, they don't. But I am encouraging SO to attend his family functions when he has the skids for EOholiday rotation. So my parents don't see the skids much at all. If you were to visit the farm when the grandkids and skids were there, they would all be treated the same.

SO's parents are kind to my bios and it is a similar situation. For instance: if we had gone to their house for Easter, my bios would have Easter baskets from them. Since we didn't go, my bios didn't get baskets from them, which is totally fine. I know they got baskets for all their grandkids, even if they weren't there but I agree that it is different with my kids and don't expect it from them.

Last year they did presents for the bios, even if they weren't around but I think they know we are having problems so they've stopped doing it. I don't mind at all and my bios don't know the difference.

my.kids.mom's picture

My mom was good to my sd. But

My mom was good to my sd. But she quickly saw the "child has a gazillion grandparents" and backed off, especially once I had my own kids. One gma in particular spoiled the crap out of sd so my mom figured she got enough stuff.

For families that live close, you should really try and do Christmas with extended family when the skid is not with you. They should really only focus on spending time with both bio-parents' families, unless the other bio is not around. There are 364 other days of the year to visit!

knucklehead's picture

My parents have treated SD

My parents have treated SD like a "regular" grandchild since day 1. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference as an outsider.

As for DH's kids? Well, they hardly know them. When/if they are around, they are polite.

BSgoinon's picture

Most of my family treats him

Most of my family treats him just like they treat my girls. I have one sister and brother in law that DO NOT. And it really makes me angry. They will buy the girls really nice gifts for Christmas and SS gets a DVD suitable for a 4 year old (he is Cool. I haven't said anything to them about it. I am not sure that I ever will. I may have to if it gets to the point that SS notices it. That's just not right. He has been living in my house, and my SON since he was 1 year old.

"They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that is why they hated me."- Sheldon Lee Cooper

christinen's picture

My dad passed away before I

My dad passed away before I was with DH so he never had the chance to meet him or SD. But my mom treats her as well as can be expected. She was really against me marrying DH in the first place because of all his baggage (I've never been married and have no children). I mean she is nice to SD, she doesn't treat her badly in any way, and she gets her a small gift for holidays but nothing extreme. She still doesn't really approve of me being with DH so I'm not sure how it would be if she did approve.

Ondasash's picture

My parents took well with my

My parents took well with my SD 10. But as I married her dad... she changed into this manipulative bitch and she does evil thing to my 4 year old son that now my parents aren't crazy about her. My mon was so happy to have a grand daughter to buy shoes and dresses for but as the SD started showing her true colors... my mom stopped. She buys alot for my sons but when it comes to SD she may get one thing because my sd is so ungrateful. Sd goes to her BM's house every other weekend so my parents get my 4 yr old when she is gone so there is no tension. My baby can't go yet he is to young but he'll go too in time. I believe that its okay for GP's to treat skids a bit different but I also believe if skids are great, then why not treat all the same? I wish I didn't have a skid so mean but I do so my parents are careful what they do for my son in front of her.

Orange County Ca's picture

Sounds like your parents are

Sounds like your parents are perfect.

trystme's picture

My mother has tried for 13

My mother has tried for 13 years to be good to SD who is now 30. But, SD has just been a bitch to my Mom.

One year on Christmas when SD was 19 years old, she didn't like the Christmas present that my Mom gave her and she pouted the whole time she was there. Ridiculous.

Invisible Woman's picture

My parents have tried very

My parents have tried very hard to include SS and his behavior is the worst when he's around my family. My family is exceptionally close and we all live in the same area and DH's family is all out of state and not that close. We do things together with my brother, sister and parents all the time but it's just ackward when SS is here.

It's also hard because he's the oldest "grandkid" by about 8 years, so there's no kids around his age. I have a feeling SS thinks my parents treat him like he's a little kid. My mom was asking about what to get him for his birthday and I don't even know and things are so different than when my brother was his age.

SS barely sees DH's parents who are divorced and not all that involved in DH's life, so my parents could be surrogate grandparents for him. They're so great with kids and so loving and giving, you'd think any kid would love to have them as grandparents. But not SS.

dledden's picture

my mom treats ss8 much nicer

my mom treats ss8 much nicer than I do, LOL..but she certainly doesn't love him like she does my bio kids. I think my fiancee's parents are the same way, they like my kids, are nice to them, will buy them gifts, etc. but not sure they LOVE them. And, that's OK by me, that's why my kids have my parents who see my kids almost every day!

If GOD wanted me to LOVE my SKID, he'd have made me his BIO MOMMA!!!

misskiya's picture

My parents and grandparents

My parents and grandparents treat SS5 like he is their own. They shower him with gifts, have him over whenever my daughter goes to visit. He is a complete equal to my daughter.

DH's family, on the other hand, treat my daughter like a burden. She spent one night with his mother (at M-I-L's request) and was hounded constantly for "bad behavior" while SS5 was "such an angel". Uh huh...have you met these two kids? She has backed my daughter into corners aggressively, in order to blame her for anything and everything she can. Including us missing an easter dinner because we had a horrific day and couldn't make it. The determining factor, two sets of poopy pants from SS5 (not sick, just angry because he lost his toy after throwing it). It's ridiculous.

I wouldn't wish that on any child.

inadequate33's picture

My family treats the skids

My family treats the skids like family...In fact, two years ago, my mom bought all the granddaughters (my BD and my SDs) a half dozen roses (in their favorite color) for their birthdays. Guess who thanked her? My kids and the "good" SD. They all get Christmas presents (two out of the three aren't appreciative at all). I have begged my mother to stop...but that's her personality.

My dad works on their cars, will let DH use his truck to move them in and out of dorm rooms, and would give them the shirt off his back. Only one of them stops to see him, and has a good relationship with him - the other two just use him.