so i'm probably going to get out on my own. i really screwed up last weekend (dont' care to share) and i'm 5050 on it. my mom told me if it happens again i'd be kicked out and that she doesn't care what i do but i'm not going to be living off her (i am paying my portion of the rent) and going out partying on the weekends. she also told me i can't have company over there much if at all because that's one thing she allowed my brother to do and he abused that privelage. yet saturday night, he had a girl from military come over after kids went to bed-he's married (wife is pg), she's married-and she wound up stayign the night-slep on the same bed as he did (????huh????). *I* have been taking the party out of my mom's house. sharing hotel expenses with my friends and i'm not allowed to do that anymore because i'm supposed to be saving and paying bills. it really irritates me because i can do the EXACT same thing as my brother, he's praised, i'm in trouble (always has been) yet my family wonders why i'm not fully confident in my choices. then my brother told me (because my fuck up involved the kids) that when i get the girls (niece and sister-will give more details furhter) that i need to respect his wishes. the only thing is........i DON'T get them FOR him, he's fully capable of making life choices that would involve him in BOTH of his kids' life, HE choses not to be involved, i get his daughter (plural) because HE'S not here, so *I* WANT her.

so to give a little background, when neice was a baby, he joined the military. it's in the decree that someone is allowed to get neice in place of him-but he's not military anymroe and there's NO reason he cant be here for her. his x doesn't even follow decree with that (with me) anymore, i can pretty much come get them when ever i want to, or go over to her house to play with them if i can't keep them myself.

nieces sister-that's a fucked up story-she has a different dad, not biological to us. My brother in the begining asked that we DON'T have the same relationship with her as neice-well, i disagreed-even cost me my relationship with mom and bro for a while. soon after i started getting her. her dad lost all rights to her due to drugs. about 2 years later, my brother praised me and followed suit and has even asked recently if she can call him dad (that was shot down) because he's not really there for his own daughter

the sad thing is, our dad did this same shit to us (not quite as bad) but still in and out like our dad was.

so yeah, i think i'll be finding my own place, cause well, i don't always agree with my brother or my mom when it comes to the kids-and x gf has full custody of both-but i can't legally do anything about it if he steps in. and the fact that i went over his head (verified through xgf) to override what he wanted ...... i fucked up

yet SHE'S the one that ultimately can take them BOTH from me-which i KNOW she wont do, but with HER having custody and my brother only being here a few times a year for drill and doesn't always get his daughter/make time for her....that's fd up-why should i have to bow down to a part time parent just because they are in town and think they are god............reminds me so much of my sperm donor

ok vent over.