IDK WHAT TO EVEN DO
OKAY.
Heres my story. I am a 22 yr old step girlfriend to put in to terms. atleast feels like it. my bio pretty much sums it up. but basically i am here because i found this site months ago. and was thankful i am not the only one feeling the way i feel. because well the boyfriend doesnt get it. He doesnt get how frustrating it is having to constantly be reminded of his ex wife because his daughter looks just like her and she acts just like her and also has his bad attitude and shes only 4!!!!! but dont underestimate a 4 year old she knows when to be good and to be bad but seems like every time she comes from her moms shes a little sh*t. and I cant handle it anymore. I want to spank her a$$ and send her away back to her mothers. I enjoy some of the time with her until she starts acting up! the father thinks when i try to discipline her I am being a bitch when that is not the case at all. They being divorced are of course trying to both be the good parent. they both marriend young and had her young. dumb idea when they both knew their marriage wasn't going to last. the BM is just retarded and wanted to booze up and party and have her life back. so recently it was BM bday shindig she through together or whate ver i knew about it because i am friends with one of her friends and it was also her birthday shindig going on of course i declined for one i cant go out anyways and didnt really wanna associate myself with the BM. but anyways my boyfriend drops his duaghter off at the exwife BM mothers house becauset thats who watches her ( which she sucks at disciplining her as well) and they were leaving town so couldnt watch her that morning so the boyfriend asks the BM to watch her till he got off work which is usually anywehre from 3-5 and she said she couldnt!!! why because this was the day she was going out to get hammered and have a good effin time. it pissed me so i said to my boyfriend why arent you having her watch your daughter its ridiculous you had to ask your parents to watch her when she very well could have. and he said like he always does " she wont listen if i try to talk to her and if it comes down to that then i'll have her do it" JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS HER DAUGHTER EVERY OTHER FREAKING WEEKEND DOESNT MEAN SHE IS HALF THE DAMN MOM!!! it pisses me off. and another thing. the stupid BM is lying about her income so my boyfriend has to pay more child support. and i confront him about this nad he saId you dont know what your talking about!!!! pisses me off and I just dont know how much more of this I can take............. i just need more people to talk to about stuff like this...
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Comments
How old is your boyfriend and
How old is your boyfriend and the BM?
I am also 22 and a young FSM but right now you need to figure out your prioritys in life.
Some women here are going to tell you to get out while you can because you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you.
I think that if you are just the girlfriend right now and don't really plan on having a long future with yur BF then yes, you need to just leave and find someone without kids.
However, if he is "the one" and you are in this for the long haul then you need to be mentally prepared for all the bullshit to come. Because it will and it won't end or even let up until the child is 18..so be prepared.
Other than that, your first step is to get on the same page with your BF, if he doesn't want to do anything to change his circumstances then you're not going to make him. Ignore BM, I have this problem with a crazy too but just ignore her.
DO you live with your BF? How long have you been together? A little back history would help us but regardless, welcome and good luck!
Completely agree with the
Completely agree with the others. This just gets worse....Trust us...
I would also like to point
I would also like to point out that you also have a lot of growing up to do. I understand being so young and getting into this sort of situation but you made that choice. And disliking a 4 year old because she looks like her mother and acts like a little shit sometimes is a bit assinine. If that is how you plan on starting out this relationship then you are in for a world of trouble.
Either you have a talk with your BF, get on the same page and start building your family and life together or you need to leave. I just reread your post and the tone just seems really immature to me and I don't really feel you are prepared for this life.
Like I said, I understand being young but you are in a very adult situation now and petty things need to be let go.
4 year olds are typically little shits, you need to talk to your bf on where you stand in this family because its only going to get worse.
And his daughter is most likely going to look like the EX. Bitching about that especialy so early on in your relationship is kind of a red flag for me.
Normally I am all for staying and building a family because its your life ectect but in this case I would highly reccomend that you just move on and find someone without the "baggage"....
Right now, I don't feel you are prepared for the years to come in this situation....
but I could be wrong, like I said we could use a little back history
Okay I didn't even say I
Okay I didn't even say I hated her because she looks like her mother. I said I dislike her attitude because MOST of the time she is a complete brat who has no discipline structure. And FYI callin me immature most of the posts on here could be considered immature. Especially you're quote at the end of your posts. So please do not comment or call me out saying I am immature. Ya this relationship is difficult and such and I am not married so I could get out if I wanted. But me being 22 and young has nothing to do with my maturity. I am more mature then her own mother. And also because I am 22 and and this is my first relationship with a kid and ex wife doesn't mean I can't handle it. Ya days i can't but I am lookig for GOOD advice and a place to vent. So before you call me immature look at yourself as the reason you're on here.
Also if it gets harder then
Also if it gets harder then why are u ladies even with the person you're with regardless of if you love them. So just take your own advice if your going to give me the get out while you still can card
Good question, I do ask this
Good question, I do ask this of myself a lot when I talk to older women on this forum. I am an older member. I think a bad step-marriage has the same problems with getting stuck in it as happens with domestic violence/abuse. What I mean is, if it is really a no-hoper relationship from the outside, at the beginning when there are no real ties, women stick around because
they love the guy, (b) they hope the guy will change, (c) they have low self-esteem or whatever. Why they then stay is either because they continue in that state because they are emotionally/psychologically stuck, OR, and I think this is where I have an important practical answer to your question that you need to consider, as time goes on, they develop other dependencies in the situation that are based on real practical considerations. For example, you have children with the guy. Leaving him and his skids can then seem like a bad option for your own kids. This stops a lot of women leaving rubbish relationships. Then again, you own property with the guy, or worse, you don't own property, the guy does, and you don't have anywhere else to live. Leaving then can put you in hardship.
I think you have a very good question as to why older women on here are urging younger women to get out of relationships when they appear to be sticking to their own. It looks hypocritical. But I'd urge you to read the posts on the adult step-children forum before you judge these older SMs. There you will read the most awful descriptions of years and years of horrible abuse, for example at the moment there are descriptions of adult children calling SMs a slut, spitting into drinks, stealing possessions, moving into the parental home at a mature age with their own children despite having a home elsewhere, and so on and so on. Read how the older SMs feel about it and you will hear endless screams of anguish. Now never mind if you think they are wimpy not to leave. I don't mind if you despise them. But read on, and just ask yourself, do you want to be condemned to this for the next 60 years? You may think you can avoid bitterness towards your own man, but believe me, after years and years of seeing him shut down on you and just not care about how you are treated, it's unavoidable to get somewhat bitter.
That's why older women feel protective towards you -- we're near the end of our lives but you're young and should have more chance of a fulfilling relationship with a man than we had.
Oh I've just now read your
Oh I've just now read your actual original post. I see your concern is mainly about the impact of the BM. From an older SM's point of view then, consider this. As the years pass in this sort of set-up, IF the shit continues, it becomes increasingly apparent that it's not the BM that's the main problem but the lack of protection afforded by the guy against her. Secondly, if a BM is as awful as the one you describe, you need to know from an older SM that that means that the problems with her are also going to continue to be awful throughout the child's upbringing. Leopards don't change spots unless motivated. BM has no motivation to change. That's at least 14 further years of crap for you to go through. You won't get rid of the influence of someone who is already this bad. Adn finally, if she passes on her beliefs to the child, then unharmed though the child is now, there is a strong chance that she will take on her mother's values in years to come, particularly if the dad fails to take responsibility in this situation NOW. Just a thought, weigh it in the balance.