Overwhelmed. Mentally exhausted, almost to the point of physical illness? Confused, depressed, imprisoned by censorship of thoughts, feelings, privacy, security of love and a home?

These are just what I feel at the moment. Yes, this is not your typical situation. But coming here it can be. And that's why I come for help.

I want to tell you that I love my boyfriend. In my eyes, he is Mr. Wonderful. The love of my life. My lover and best friend. He has a heart of gold and can be affectionate, romantic, poetic without trying, and just completely fun. But things aren't always sunny and shiny, and happy and cheesy. There is a darker side of the street.

We've been trying and trying to find common ground regarding his teenage son. I came into the picture too late, so I'm not even allowed the title of stepmom. I have two pre-teen daughters of my own, one with a disability. I KNOW what it's like to be a parent who has no other choice but to take responsibility for my children. It's my duty to raise them, to teach them respect, right from wrong, survival and social skills, etc. That being said, my main concern is disrespect. The teenager lies constantly to his father (and other family members). I know he has said hateful things about me. Hell, he has even said them to my face or in shared spaces. The problem I have with it (aside from it hurting me to see him lie to his dad's face) is that if I say one word to his dad, it gets turned around on me and I'm the one with the issue or the one who is lying. I'm a grown adult. I have no need to lie. I know what goes on. I observe it more than the dad does. The teenager plays us. Eventually, I'm in the dog house and the teenager kisses his dad's butt the whole time if he happens to be home. And that's a whole topic right there. If the teenager is home...

The kid has more freedom than I ever imagined coming from a home where drugs or alcohol are not abused. Or where there isn't some kind of mental/physical abuse. The kid has an almost ideal life for his age. He has bipolar grades, no job, little responsibility around the house, freedom to have sex/spend the night with his girlfriend, practically borrows her car every day, blah blah blah. And that's not the worst of it. If that was it, I probably wouldn't be here. I probably wouldn't let it bother me as much. The fact is, I have to worry about my private belongings being stolen or tampered with. I have a problem with parties and alcohol/drug/tobacco use. I have a problem with people who are not allowed to come over, coming over.

I feel like in order to assure things don't get broken, stolen, or messed with (and it's always MY stuff minus ONE recent incident when it wasn't and is going to be much more costly to replace) I have to stay home at all times on guard. Because everytime we're not there, SOMETHING happens. It's almost predictable. To top it off, no discipline. Dad is so afraid of conflict with his son that it's as if the bad stuff never happened and they go about their merry ways. Which puts strain on my relationship with dad because I feel as if I'm being walked all over and nothing is being done to stop it. Nor has anything been done in the past. It just keeps going like a bullet. I'm so afraid of when that bullet finally hits a hard surface.

Bringing up the teenager to dad is like asking for an Arsenic cocktail. There's little build-up in the conversation before he starts screaming at me. We've been going to counseling off and on to try to handle issues with communication, but lately it seems as if the rule is "Don't talk about it until session" which is once a month, if that.

I love this man. I can't make his son love me or accept me. But he needs to respect me as a human being.

My own parents keep telling me that if I love my boyfriend, that I'll just need to wait until the son is an adult. But it's not like he is going to move out on his 18th birthday. And how horrible would that be to wait til he moved in order to be happy? Not only would that be selfish of me and against what I want (because I just want us to be a family and not have trust issues) BUT that would be disrespecting myself too, right?