I have decided I am done with people who treat me like crap, which includes 3 of my four skids!!
SD22, SD17 and SS18. They have chosen to treat me like crap repeatedly for years now -- I'm done. I'm choosing to focus on the people in my life that treat me good and love me. The 3 of them can all take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned. The two younger ones still live with us and I will do as little as possible for them -- bare minimum, and I'm talking absolute bare minimum, and that's IT! I am not even choosing to ask them how their day is, say hello, say goodbye, ask them to do anything, purchase them little treats, share anything of mine with them -- absolutely NOTHING! They want to treat me like shit over and over and over again, well, this is the end result.
So they have shot themselves in the foot. They want to choose to treat me like this --I choose to step back from their life. I am DONE! EFFF - U SKIDS! I do have a SS21 who is actually great, and he is kind and very sweet to me -- I am choosing to keep him in my life and if his siblings decide they want to start being nice to me consistently then we'll see about the rest of them.
But as far as I'm concerned, I'm done with them. I'm not going out of my way for them anymore. DONE DONE DONE!!!
I had to write and vent this somewhere -- glad I have some place to vent!
i need to finish reading that
i need to finish reading that book. having these hostile people in my life has actually affected my health tremendously. I want so badly for these last two skids to be out of my home. I don't care that SD17 hasn't finished high school yet, I just wish there was a way to get her out.
I received some inheritance money a while back and used it to buy a car from my Mom and Dad and got a really good deal on it. So I was able to give MY car that I had prior to being married to my daughter. Inheritance money is not community property -- so I didn't have to share it if I didn't want to, but i did and used it to pay for our family vacation that year.
So when my Granny passed away and I inherited her car, the other car that i had purchased I decided to give that to SD17, but we told her to not tell the other siblings so that nobodies feelings would get hurt. So what does she do? Tells SS18! And then SS18 says two days ago "so I hear that you guys gave BD18 a car?" Not that we gave his sister a car, but that we gave my daughter a car! We gave both of them a car!!!! I was so pissed off at SD17 I couldn't hardly see straight.
So i confronted her about it. She is such an idiot. "Oh was I not supposed to tell him?" Uh, duh!!! Then she says "I'm not going to lie to him." So now she is going to get a moral compass? She lies to us all summer long and NOW she is going to start telling the truth? Wow!! I was so pissed off and still have been so pissed off.
I basically haven't spoke to her since. For me, that was like the final straw. I really can't stand her -- she is quite a miserable person and just has a pissy face all the time. She is not a ray of sunshine in anyone's life. She basically has no friends because she is such a pisshead and a negative nellie. i don't think anyone can stand to be around her for very long. (venting here)
Is the title in her name? If
Is the title in her name? If not, take the keys back. She's lying, she knew she wasn't supposed to tell, and it's not like he asked.
You go girl!!! I finally
You go girl!!! I finally wrote all three of my adult steps off. They are nothing but jerks. Even when one was somewhat nice I came to find out it was just politeness because his wife wanted us in their childrens life. The ring leader (bitter SD) destroyed our relationship then became jealous her brother was still reaping benefits from the old pocketbook. The oldest SS is her robot and never had a mind of his own. So to sum it all up.....she didnt like it...caused her evil and now they are off on their own and I dont care. They gossiped and ran up their phone bills for so long I really wonder what they are doing with all that spite. LOL LOL Im free!!! They are the typical RA ring leaders and Im sure have found another victim by now. Im so happy!! You can only win by losing this relationship.
"It's an eventuality that
"It's an eventuality that many stepmothers arrive at when they've been dealing with vicious, spiteful, resentful, jealous, insecure grown stepchildren for too long."
Describes my SS20 perfectly.
I look at my SS now, and I can't believe that I ever ever gave a shit about having a relationship with him. He is so not worth my time. I have kids who love me and care about me. I'll never waste another drop of emotion on him.
Disengaging is not as easy as
Disengaging is not as easy as it seems when they are still in the house, but last night for example when i cooked dinner i made enough for me, my DH and my BD18 -- SS18 and SD17 had to make their own dinner. Oops!!
SD17 was so pissed she went to her room when she got home for work and didn't come out till this am!
i seriously just want to get to the point that i simply don't care. Still not 100% there, but working on it. i'm one of those people who love deeply and care deeply for people. So for me to just shut it off is a process.
Anybody else go through a process? I had tried this before and then I'd get hopeful that they would change, but it's quite obvious they are not going to change. Thankfully, my DH has been quite wonderful lately so I've been focusing on our relationship, my relationship with my own daughter and when my SS21 comes home I am attentive to him. He's a great kid. I too hope he doesn't go to the dark side. And he's not motivated by money to have a relationship with us because we don't give him money -- so that's not it.
I do appreciate all the encouragement i get here, and the fact that i can vent here. So nice.
HARD FOR YOU to disengage
HARD FOR YOU to disengage when they are still living in the house but you can practice emotionally not being their doormat. MY SS48 is still living with his mom and never moved out. He was constantly calling us demanding large sums of money - we never enabled this by giving into him. He was an adult and needed to move out and start living on his own. His Dad, my husband died 9 months ago - this entitlement blew away his Dads funeral then starting calling me demanding his inheritance. Guess what he got - Disengage - and Disinherit him. I did it. It is over. His Father wrote the disinheritance verbage with an attorney. Some day when they are out of your house, IF they move out, you will be free as I am free. REGARDLESS, my SS will not be calling me againI blocked him. If you have no warm fuzzy with them, as in years of contact it is easier to disengage.
As bethanco said, difficult
As bethanco said, difficult for you when the 2 youngest live with you still. I feel very similar to you, but lucky for me, my 2 SDs 20 and 22, have never lived with us, we got them EOW until 2013. Events have occurred in my life in the last few years which have caused me to strengthen even more, my already firm boundaries.
I applaud you for looking to yours. If someone treats you like a piece of rubbish, they deserve to have no significance in your life. I hope things get easier for you.
Good for you OP. You deserve
Good for you OP. You deserve to be treated respectfully and expect to be treated respectfully. Getting to this realization - and us SM's tend to want to try to make things work out well with the blended family -- sometimes put up with way too much for way too long.