Abusive (not abused) Women.....Anyone know someone like this??
I know I do!!!!
Abusive men is a common subject in the world but what about ABUSIVE WOMEN????
They do exist, but there's not much information out there because it often goes unreported. Why?? Ego?? Embarassment?? Afraid someone won't believe you??
These women abuse everyone around them...spouse, lover, other family members...EVEN THEIR OWN CHILDREN.
This goes along with a lot of discussions I've read on this site. PAS,children's rights, the behaviors and questionable mental health of the BM.
After a lot of research (over the years) I'm passing the following article along to those interested.
Abusive and Violent Women in Relationships
- Recognizing the Signs -
This page was last updated on Sunday, August 25, 2002
Abuse and violence are behaviors chosen by a woman to cause physical, sexual, or emotional damage and worry or fear. Women who behave this way are often promiscuous, selfish, and narcissistic. Such a woman uses her moods, rage, and impulses to control the people around her and she is not satisfied until they
have noticed her. These women choose deceit, fury, and assault to get their own way and then revels in the addicting exhilarating emotional unrest they create.
Others, more insidiously, present a personable public image to conceal their true character and behavior.
These women lie, connive, and extort. To insult and humiliate their partner, some argue and use offensive language in the presence of others including their children. Many steal or destroy their partner's possessions. These women are driven by jealousy and view others as rivals. They treat their partners as possessions and strive to isolate them from friends and family.
Many abusive women falsely accuse their partners of infidelity while they have affairs. These women often abuse children or animals. Nearly all exhibit erratic mood changes, feign illnesses or injuries, and most are practiced actresses. They are not sick; they play the triple roles of a terrorist, a tyrant, and a victim.
At some point, she will falsely accuse her husband or partner of a crime. False allegations of child abuse continue to be a common feature in divorce proceedings and the courts ignore the problem.
Now, the domestic violence accusation has become the woman's weapon of choice. Apart from the monetary and property gains, domestic violence is so easy to fabricate and these women crave the pleasure that comes from destroying their husband or partner.
Persons who have experienced an abusive relationship often experience fear or shame or bewilderment. They have tried everything and nothing works. These people have found themselves not knowing what will happen next, riding on an
emotional roller coaster that they cannot escape. Most are sad, depressed, humiliated, and just plain exhausted. Many have lost everything they had in the world and are worried about their future. However, these women have no limits.
Their outrageous behavior escalates to unbelievable levels and so, no one believes the victim.Once your wife or companion has chosen abuse or violence, end the relationship promptly and irrevocably. U.S. and British studies support this view.
Domestic battery, theft, and destruction of property are private and civil wrongs. The victim can sue for damages. Get a restraining order now and change the locks, sue in civil court now and, when the assailant is your spouse, file for divorce now.
When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victimof undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.
The other dangers are that some women kill their partner, or the partner's new companion, or the children, or the relatives, or stage unsuccessful suicides. Sometimes, women fake or inflict injuries on themselves, or use an accomplice, a relative or new lover, to frame her husband or partner. The most common
behaviors are pressing false criminal charges, stealing or destroying property, snatching children, and engaging in bad faith litigation.
In divorce, husbands must treat their abusive wives with steeled resolve and the courts must understand this. These women cannot see and reason beyond themselves, so negotiation is impossible.
Mediation is pointless. Unfortunately, the legal process regarding divorce requires negotiation and mediation providing yet another way for these women to abuse their husbands.
Husbands must not accept telephone calls, conversation, visitations, reconciliation, or appeasements from these abusive wives for this only bolsters their belief that they remain in control of their husbands.
The court must realize that these women have no limits and derive pleasure from destroying their husbands. Only unswerving firmness of purpose shows these women that their power has ended.
Edward S. Nunes
Sounds like
many of the symptoms of paranoid personality disorder to me and many other of BM's traits. She was abusive to DH over the years and several times he went to work (an Army officer) with a black eye to explain. She also phone harassed other officer's wives when they lived on post, which caused DH to lose housing on more than one occasion. She often accused him of many disloyalties including choosing his family over her, of cheating on her, of being gay!
She was always getting into disputes with other people, then demanding he defend her. When he wouldn't (because she did something to provoke someone else) she would claim he "never" took her side.
She lies, manipulates, etc.
Oh- and personal property. Throughout their marriage if DH was deployed when BM moved, she would get rid of his things. Recently, her sister gave us several photo albums/loose pics that BM left on her sister's car at work in paper grocery bags one day several years ago. I promised BM's sister we would just scan them and return them to her so that BM would never know.
BUT...when DH started looking through them he was so angry. Family photos of his, army photos of his that BM had told him were lost in one move or another were there. So he is keeping those and telling BM's sister why (I told him he had to because she gave them to me and I don't want to upset her.)
It's CRAZY.
I am still amazed at the level of denial DH had about BM when they were married, that he didn't call the cops on her (she did on him once when she had hit HIM and he left with SD. When he returned the cops arrested HIM for domestic abuse. BM dropped the charges but refused to go to court with DH to tell the judge she made it up.)
I think these people are mentally ill, and convince themselves they are in the right, the other person is at fault. It's bizarre.
Good article- thanks for posting it.
Peace, love, and red wine
I had a house
...
What to do.............??
The worst part is seeing the emotional and mental abuse that has been going on for years in our lives with BM, especially what's directed at the kids. We're adults, don't live with her day to day and can just "ignore" her as much as possible.
But even worse than that is how difficult mental and emotional abuse is to prove.....otherwise, I'd have turned her in myself years ago. Another reason I haven't is the simple fact of how it would affect the kids to have to go through more mental abuse until something was done about her. Judicial system sucks!!!!!!!!
That's BM to a T
She is pretty loopy. We don't even bother with her much. She will call to scream and yell at DH and then hang up. Some days when I am home alone and she calls I don't answer. Why would I? To be abused by a crazy woman? I think not. The sooner she drops off the face of the earth, the better for ALL of us.
this is our BM
She has done so many of these things: cheating, phone harassment of family, co-workers and bosses; hitting DH then saying he hit her,convincing her family and his own daughter he beat her, that is her favorite saying.
In our big argument I asked, if he beat you why do you send your daughter here to visit all the time and make her cry to him that she wants him there with you guys? why would you marry someone that supposedly beat you while you were pregnant (which SD claims to remember)and why was there never any doctor's treatment, photos, witnesses, etc.? She had no response and now no longer speaks to us at our request, which is great.
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
LOL
hey its ok - I know what you mean, thanks for the laugh, I needed it-!
and yes its true-!!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
It happens a lot
Glenn Sacks is a commentator about "Men's Rights/Fathers Rights" and has an internet E-mail letter. Sadly abuse is not contained to either sex and happens a lot. Many women use the legal system via Orders of Protection and false pleadings in divorce. The saving grace of the system (in my opinion) is the fact that most police officers; judges and lawyers (private and State's attorneys) are experienced in what goes and and while they might be fooled a while they really care about the kids in the system. The three family law judges in my county are very devoted fathers (and a grandfather) and while I don't always agree with what they say and how they say it, I am happy and proud they are judges in the family law system.
There is a big movement towards Fathers Rights in this country and shared custody. Only time will tell if anything will come of it.
If anyone is interested go to GlennSacks.com and check out what he has to say. Some of it is interesting, some of it is hype. I think it is interesting from a Step Parent role to look at and see his point of view.
Kevin
Actually sounds like
my DH's mother!
Every sentence described ......
my stepwitch - Don't yall agree? Thanks SteppyM for sharing
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Abusive ex-wife who manipulates children against father
I have a similar situation.I myself having gone through a vicious divorce and left alone disabled to care for two pre-teen children, I met a marvelously respectable and caring man who seemed to complete my life. I was unaware that his ex-wife was so vindictive and this is where my story begins. I met his 3 young girls (9,11,13) for the first time...all went well, I took them horseback riding, slumber party with movies etc, my only observation with these girls is that with the exception of the 9 year old, they were rude, violent and very disrespectful to their father. After again meeting them on the second occurrence I made a huge error in reprimanding the 11 year old for her disrespect..I will not go into detail but will assure you that I have never seen a child so disrespectful and threatening. The third incident happened on Easter of last year, the middle child repeatedly acted with threatening behavior such as biting, pinching and even cutting my very long hair...her father sent her to her room and she nearly ripped the doors off the hinges...the oldest daughter, after the middle was allowed to come out of her room, lured me into the bathroom to chat...she was fidgeting with misc items on the counter and then the middle child, continuously slamming herself on the closed door, banging and yelling...I opened the door cautiously as you can imagine i had no idea what was coming. She blew thru the door nearly knocking me over and slipped on her plastic high heel shoes, which she had previously bruised my feet from stomping on them. I grabbed her by her shoulders and prevented a nasty fall...she then ran to her room gasping for air and calling her mother to call the police that she had been assaulted. I was not arrested, the children's story didn't make sense and they had had many previous incidence with other people with allegations of assault or abuse. since then the ex wife has prevented their father from seeing them with protection orders in which they fabricated their stories for the judge. When we finally went to court all protection orders were dropped except for the one against me. I find this quite ironic because this order actually prevents those children from further abusing me. Their father however, has been distraught.. he cant see his children in Our home due to the order against me..his visitation is controlled by "her", where they go , do, etc. He isn't even allowed in their driveway...how ridiculous...He has done nothing to provoke this situation...he takes the children's calls, when they are allowed to call and endures her rules such as 3 minute calls in order to communicate with the children..This situation is so out of control that 2 of the three girls have been in psychiatric hospitals threatening suicide, cutting, rages, and promiscuous activity...He is unable to speak to his ex-wife due to the conflicts she provokes even in the background when he is speaking to his girls... He has no money to prove that she is abusing her children and manipulating their behavior and disrespect towards him..He loves his girls and has been wrongly denied equal time with them. He has suffered a heart attack and suffers from depression...It is equally hard in our relationship, I love him and he is a wonderful person. It seems she will never let go and refrain from abusive behavior towards him as well as her children. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I have exhausted a legal avenues, have no money and the courts have actually enabled these girls by siding with their crazy mother...I might also add that the 13 hear old admits to the abuse to her father but will not tell the professionals and psychiatrists that she is seeing, she is terrified of her mother and has begged to come live with us, due to order she cannot. Although the mother has offered when convenient for her to drop the order on just the oldest. ??????????? I am afraid that when the order is dropped, the girls will be a further threat to me in my own home....Please this situation is destroying all of us....the mother also has a history of abuse and molestation as a child herself...
Broken
I Understand Completely!!!
Your story, verbatim, is almost identical to mine. Best advice, go buy the book "Divorce Poison" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells". Please also check out the website "The Psycho Ex Wife" it is a very informative site that will provide guidance for you on dealing with your BM. You need to initiate "low contact" with BM and the web site will tell you how to do that.
You are in my thoughts
We all smile in the same language
HOLY CRAP! I thought I was
HOLY CRAP! I thought I was alone! Ive been dealing with a psycho for years! shes a borderline with bi-polar. calls me fat, a pornographer you name it - destroys property threats to call DCYF.. you name it shes tried it.. and Ive never even met her! calls my ex husband, calls my work.. shes completely psycho.. just had twins at 48 for attention. i refuse to live w my fiance. shes poisoned the kids against me... where is KARMA???
Yeah, sad but true broken...
Yeah, I dated a lady for a long time and lived with her for almost three years. Her kids were abusive (I believe they had either ODD or Asperger's Syndrome). I frequently said that dysfunctional behavior leads to just more dysfynctional behavior. She would drag them up the stairs by one arm; slap them across the face and even threw a half full two liter bottle of soda at one of them when he was throwing one of their many fits. The best answer is to leave -- regardless of whether you love this person or not, sometimes love is not enough. You have to weigh your own sanity and the welfare of your children.
Life is short, do you want to spend it being miserable the rest of your life?
Kevin
This all sounds so familiar,
This all sounds so familiar, I spent years with a women like this, after 11 years of abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual) grieving my father’s death I turned to the bottle and depression I eventually hit her back one night during one of her many violent rages, this time it was over her infertility (which of course was all mine and his fault, always somebody else). I ended up in court, charged with assault; apparently in her own words she "hadn't started ruining my life yet". Fortunately the Judge was more understanding and lenient then the ‘ex from hell’ had ever been and asked if I would like to charge her for the same offense, as I stood there bruised and bleeding (first offense; yes I know I was wrong, did my time and still suffer guilt and shame12 years on) The Judge also warned her he could lock her up right then and there for perjury. In her statement, more fabrication ‘on the day that I apparently put my boots on and kicked her around the house I just happen to have a plane ticket proving otherwise’ The house was empty; while she ran off to a women’s refuge for a couple of weeks to play victim and concoct her story, I flew home interstate to my family for 4 months. Wallowing in guilt, shame, remorse, booze and the rest, basically my life had just gone down the toilet, I returned to my family gutted and wretched; heartbroken that I had hit the woman I love. They, my family reassured me it wasn’t and still isn’t in my nature. Our father had died on my previous birthday, in grief I turned to my lover who was never really there, she turned to some other bloke and I turned to the bottle. After the court case I believed the person I lived with all those years had probably never really loved me or it was just another lie or game or whatever these people seem to get off on at the time. In fact she told me I’d been used for 11 years. This hurt like hell and I wanted to die so I limped / staggered away telling her if anyone was going to ruin my life I would, spending the next 3 years drinking to blackout (the darkest years of my life). She went on to several repetitive abusive relationships; I heard she was beaten up recently by her latest victim/boyfriend; hope he is alright (hey I’m not saint and I guess some people never learn)
10 years later after nearly killing myself with self pity, remorse, guilt, shame, alcohol, therapy and searching my soul for ‘what the f*ck is wrong with me?’ Thank god alcoholism is treatable I learnt to forgive myself, her and others and to stay sober for many years now. Traveled the world a couple more times (much easier without her) achieved a uni degree and settled down with a beautiful woman who has two children from a previous marriage.
Here is the irony Yes these people do come in both sexes as my now partner has an ‘ex from hell’ and he is every bit the bitch my ex was and probably still is. This guy is a real parasite, what is worse there are kids involved, nasty the way they use the children and then blame you and lie to everyone.I love the way he abused me for over a year and when I called him an ahole he dobed on me. Can’t understand why his children and he stresses their ‘HIS’ children as if he owns them don’t want to know him. Won’t pay child support but buys a brand new Duccati. Call me macabre but the ex taught me well; yes I know they are dangerous but this guy is a pathetic slimy piece of you know what. I can admit I was a horrible drunk but this guy like my ex doesn’t need a drink to be an absolute sphincter, it is his/their born right. I am talking about such a deadbeat lowlife excuse of a father you wouldn't even piss on if he was on fire; looks like we are going to court. Call it what you will sociopath, psychopath, antisocial personality disorder, narcissist; these people are a nasty bit of work who seem to enjoy making your life difficult and then blame you for it. They seem to have no remorse and don’t care who they hurt including their own children.
You've described my
You've described my husband's ex-wife to a "T."
But I disagree with you on one point: Most of these abusive women really ARE sick...they likely have one or more diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness(es) and/or substance abuse issues that drive their abusive behaviors. That is the case with the ex-wife.
The ex-wife was orphaned at a young age, then sexually abused by siblings for years. She is a practicing alcoholic with other substance addictions, and at least one undiagnosed mental health disorder. She cannot be trusted around animals (she abuses and torments them, and neglects them to (literal) death)...she does not hesitate to use threats, rage, abuse, neglect or blackmail to get what she wants from others, who may include her own child, family and/or 'friends.' Just HOW she has managed to hold onto a full-time job with her lifestyle is beyond me, but it's my guess that her employer is more fearful of what would happen if he decided to fire her than if he keeps her on the payroll. (She is very litigious, and will ruthlessly pursue whoever she thinks has 'wronged' her until the accused party just gets tired of the drama and settles with her so that she'll FINALLY GO AWAY.)
The sad part is, my husband had a child with this psycho, and now the almost-an-adult child is exhibiting the exact same kinds of maladaptive coping mechanisms that the ex-wife uses to slash her way through the lives of others. The sad part is, my step-child has seen these behaviors work for bio-mother, and assumes they will work for him, too.
I feel sorry for my step-child: He deserved an honest, healthy, caring mother, not a neglectful, addicted sociopath. I honestly believe that if he had had an honest, healthy, caring mother, he would be a totally different person than the one he has grown into. That poor kid...with a bio-mother like that, he never had any real chance for a 'normal' childhood.
It sickens me to know that
It sickens me to know that there are so many women out there who falsely claim abuse.They are unbelieveable!! My SS's BM actually went in lived in a batter womens shelter and claimed she was being abused by my DH.She used this to get on the fast track for section 8 (welfare. At the time he and I lived and worked together. There was no way that was happening and all of the drop off and pick ups with the kids I was present for.This B**** is responsible for taking up a space in a safe house that could have saved a woman and children that were realluy being abused and now may be dead because they were not helped in time! I really hope karma finds these terrible excuses for women and the get what is coming to them! My DH is a teddy bear and suffered 8 years of abuse because he knew that the court system favors women in divorce and she always threatened to take the kids to her home country.
so glad someone is talking about this...
These false allegations are an epidemic in this country.
My DH has never laid a hand on me in 6 years together (he only has a bad temper when provoked and call yell loud) but the psycho bi-polar BM has both his and her family convinced he's a 'batterer'.
He was so slandered by her that his own family sided with her and wouldn't take him in when he became homeless after the divorce!...he own freaking family!! (I can't wrap my mind around this...they are scum to me for abandoning him).
She used very deceptive, wily tactics to convince the children their Dad was an 'abuser': for example, she would make herself cry hysterically when they were simply having a verbal argument, then run into the children's room and dramatically grab up the 7 year old (as if they were both in danger) and flee the house. She would ask the neighbors to call the cops (meanwhile, this is a VERBAL argument they are having, no body contact whatsoever).
Years later, DH found out from oldest child that BM was telling her she was getting hit when the child could hear her crying during the arguments (a lie).
For her part she used to surprise sucker-punch DH in back (with no warning or provocation), spit in his eye, punched his arm black and blue (you know the kind of very hard punch I'm talking about), pinched his flesh with such force it left welts, and on and on...
She took everything he had and enjoyed every second of it.
By the way..I didn't believe his story for years (thought he must be exagerating or confused somehow)..I only truly understood what he was talking about after many failed attempts (on my part) to reach out to her and be friendly were ignored and reacted to with hostility and when the kids starting telling stories of her wrestling them to the ground and biting them!!
Any men reading this, heed my warning...if you ever find yourself with a psycho-bitch like this, GET THE FUCK OUT! Do NOT hestitate...these women are poison and have no compunction about lying. The way our legal system is right now, any woman can have any man arrested, handcuffed, hauled off to jail, stripped of his property and separated from his children without a shred of hard evidence...just a weepy court appearance telling a judge how 'scared' she is for her safety. Its a crock of shit.
Cheers.
"...sometimes I wonder how I keep from goin under"
I'm dealing with a
I'm dealing with a mentally/physically abusive ex. She was physically abusive with my SO throughout their marriage. She hit him, scratched him, and beat on him with closed fists. She has given him a black eye, a busted lip, etc. As far as we know, she isn't abusing her daughter... physically, that is.
That’s my stepson’s mother.
That’s my stepson’s mother. Every single word describes her perfectly. Are these women cloned?
Thank God my husband didn’t marry her otherwise it would have been a true nightmare having to pay her alimony, child support. She isolated from his family. He couldn’t even talk to his parents on the phone because she was making a scandal every time they would call him. She was saying that they would plan to put her into a mental institution or kidnap her child. That was her tormented mind speaking.
When he had enough, he called the police to remove her from his residence. As a punishment she kept him away from his son for almost a year. But she ended up by falling into her own trap because she could not take care of the child due to her bipolar disorders. She will never be able to take care of her child. The boy will be better off without her. Said to say, but painfully true.
I am stunned. This is my DH's
I am stunned. This is my DH's ex wife to a T.
She had my DH arrested twice. Once for "pushing" her and another for threatening her over the phone. I just don't understand how the police, with no evidence, could come and arrest my DH, who is a Physician, while he was at work, with no proof. She emptied his bank account, ruined his reputation by telling everyone that he had been hitting her for 10 years and continually harasses us with court motions and false allegations.
Now she has their 15 yo SS doing the false allegations. We have no contact with her, not over the phone or in person. She is not allowed on our property. She may not call our home phone. The 15 yo SS has endured years of alienation and we've just had a hearing where DH relinquished all visitation to protect ourselves from SS's false allegations. Scary that its passed from BM to SS. It does make me feel better to read other people have endured it as well. I just am ready for it to end.
I, too, am stunned. My DH's
I, too, am stunned.
My DH's ex has accused him and others repeatedly of being abusers. She once told him that she had been assaulted by a male, and he spent a couple hours scanning the neighborhood for someone matching the description she gave of someone - only to find out later she had hit herself in the arm with a hammer! She told me 2 weeks before our wedding that he used to beat her up - he's never laid a hand on me and we've been married for 12 years. She had my SDs volunteer with her at womens haven houses and she even claimed to have been date raped which was never proven.
She spent years telling my SDs how he used to beat her, so now even during a small disagreement thay tell him mom was right about him - he needs "ANGER MANAGEMENT." I can't tell you how sick I am of that phrase!! She insists her daughters have "daddy issues" (another phrase I'm so sick of hearing)! They are so brainwashed that I doubt they'll ever believe the truth and their memories are forever warped.
My DH had also been charged with assault by his BD after she slapped him and he slapped her back. The charges were later dismissed. I will never feel sorry for his ex, and I love the fact that we will always be a thorn in her side.
Most definitely the BM in my
Most definitely the BM in my situation. That's why I always say, you can't reason with a disordered mind!
Abusive women are out there,
Abusive women are out there, and Parental Alienation is real. Here is my personal experience with it. This video should be seen by every domestic court judge and every guardian ad litem in the country. Warning, strong language.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJDsruc-xxg
This describes my ex bf
This describes my ex bf perfectly.
The worst part of it all was my reaction to this abuse. Instead of leaving, I fought back. I became the abuser. It was a sick, demented way of life for a couple of years. I plotted, I waited, I attacked.
When my mind, spirit, and body were finally completely broken, I tried to end the relationship. He wouldn't let me! Somehow, I stood my ground and it's now been 5 years since that nightmare!
Dealing with this guy is still a nightmare! He is manipulative, vindictive, controlling, and jealous. He uses our son as his pawn in his games to f**k with me. It takes so much more strength not to hurt him than it would to strike him.
I began "Killing him with Kindness" about 18 months after the split. It actually worked for for close to 4 years.
Last week he began with his HAP/ PAS sh*t again with our 7 yr old son.
It amazes me how many people fall for his charade of "purity" and excellent parenting!
And so the saga continues...
Sounds similiar to my SD18
She is very abusive to her father. It is hard to watch
I have 3 sd's and BM and all
I have 3 sd's and BM and all 3 skids were abusive to my dh. The girls would throw things at him and hit and kick him and insult him terribly(even as teenagers!) and BM taught them it was ok, that that's how you treat dad bc he is only for making money. If he tried to parent them and BM was sober she'd shut him right down. They still sometimes try shit but I point out to dh what they are doing. He has ptsd and his daughters are a big trigger, anytime he visits them he is a wreck for days(and unfortunately we are visiting them in a couple of weeks). He also has stress induced seizures, which his daughters behaviors also trigger. It's been a very long road and has taken him so much hard work to overcome what he has.
Women absolutely are abusive just like men. And men don't tell...