So my SS is 4 and i cant stand his BM. She is hateful and selfish and irritatingly scorned at the fact that I am the one who married her son's father. We have had our fights about how things should go when he is with her and with us. We let her know when he is having a hard time over here but we cant get her to actually put forth any type of rules for him at her house because she knows it is more work for us if he acts out when he is here. Plus she knows that giving him whatever he wants is a good way to keep him close when he gets older. She never thinks about the amount of confusion if causes SS. I am at a loss of how to handle him when he is over here though. Especially now, my husband and I have a son who is 16 months, and i recently found out i that i am pregnant again. Well when she got wind of the news that i am having another baby she decided she wanted to call her lawyer and twist everything around and basically say that we are ignoring her son's well being. We received a letter saying that if we didnt do things differently they are going to try and get sole custody of SS. We now have joint custody. Every time she does something hateful like this i cant help but dread when SS comes over. I love him and i care about him and i really want to be able to love him and care for him as if he were my own son. But i cant seem to separate my feelings for her and him, i try to keep my patience because i know it is not his fault. But everything makes it so hard when he acts like a baby or throws a fit if he hears the word NO because i know that is her doing not his. Any tips on how to handle it??