BF in jail, what would you do?
So my bs BF was arrested last July. His sentencing is next month. On the off chance they say time served and he gets out, what am I supposed to do? I've tried calling CPS when all this happened and they basically said since he hadn't hurt my son there is nothing they can do. I've talked to my lawyer and he says I have to let him go unless I can afford to take him back to court to change parenting time. So here's my problem, when he gets out he just spent almost a year in jail, is it really wise to send a 10 yr old into his care? If I don't I could be held in contempt but if I do my son is in an unhealthy environment. Is there some kind of adjustment period from the time he's released before I have to send my son to spend the weekend with him? I've tried to look through state laws about restricting his rights but it looks like even though it's a felony charge since it didn't involve killing or molesting a minor it means nothing. Nothing!
I know when he does get out he is just going to pretend it never happened and never speak of it like everything else he does wrong but what is that teaching my son. Oh it was no big deal. But if I bring it up I'm just putting him down and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy. I just can't win. How are you suppose to teach your kids right from wrong when your hands are tied and the other parents lifestyle is so different. Am I just supposed to cross my fingers and hope everything turns out ok?
My ex inlaws say even a father in prison is better then no father at all but I disagree especially when he has a SF to be a positive role model. But as long as BF is around he will always be a super hero to my son and SF is just some one who is just there. So what if he's the one who supports him takes him to boy scouts gets him off to school. He is looked at like scum while the real scum is idealized. And I am just supposed to sit back and say that's ok he is your father after all.
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You might be able to file for
You might be able to file for supervised visitation based on the length of time your son hasn't seen him. This is often ordered when parents are released from jail and there has been a long absence. It provides an opportunity for the child to re-acclimate to the other parent. If the visitation is supervised, you won't have to worry about the environment being unsafe or unhealthy.
But no, you can't keep your son away from him.
I agree. I would absolutely
I agree. I would absolutely file for supervised visitation so that your son isn't just thrown into an environment with a man he hasn't known in a year.
Wicked, when you figure this
Wicked, when you figure this out, please let me know!! My ex is due to get out of rehab (2nd stint) next week. I'm dreading the call that I'll get from him declaring his undying love and devotion to my son (eyeroll), and his insistence on seeing him. He always conveniently forgets that he hasn't done one thing for this child in the almost 9 years that he's been alive. He talks the talk about wanting to be a dad and how my son is so important to him, but he sure as hell can't walk the walk.
I spoke with a lawyer this summer about terminating his parental rights and having my husband adopt my son, but in my state we have to go something like 18 months without the bio father contacting the child. Unfortunately when he gets out of rehab, it will only have been 6. I haven't decided yet what I will do about him seeing my son...I know my son will want to see him, he still talks about him sometimes. Luckily for me, I feel like I have the trump card since that ass has never paid any child support in the 6 years we've been divorced. I'm pretty sure that if I threatened to come after him for it, he would do (or not do) whatever I wanted. Maybe you could slip that threat in to your son's bf?...
Sadly, I have a friend that
Sadly, I have a friend that was in a similar situation with his kids (although the girl was lying and he never laid a finger on her which was later proven). She was able to file a restraining order for her children against him, because he was "not stable" and "known to be violent" with a domestic violence charge. They were then able to have the custody orders changed. It put the kids through a lot. They had to go to court ordered counseling, my friend had to complete anger management classes and eventually got supervised visits. The charges have since been dropped and everything returned to normal, but they had to wait for the criminal charges to be dropped in order to get the CO back to normal.
I just don't know how to file
I just don't know how to file for supervised visitation on my own and I can't afford my attorney any longer. Threatening him with backsupport won't work he has been ordered to pay that three separate times but that doesn't phase him. The only time I receive anything is when he is on unemployment only because it comes out automatically. And I wouldnt worry about him taking me to court for contempt because he has no money but mommy and daddy do and they would be the ones enforcing it. He himself probably couldn't care less. Besides he has another baby just three months old when he was arrested he should be worried about supporting her and not screwing up my son. He already has anger issues because of all the things his dad puts him through and would be better off if BF would just leave him alone. If I had the slightest notion that he miraculously change and would be a good father then GREAT. But the odds are better that I would win the lottery. I learned that lesson the hard way after six years of marriage. Oh it will be better this time... He's sorry.... He didn't mean to do it, and won't do it again....he loves
us and he can change... My a$$! Now he's teaching my son everything it took me so long to get away from.
GO to the court house self
GO to the court house self help desk and ask for the paperwork to file an ex-parte emergency custody hearing. They will give you what you need. You don't need an attorney.
Do you get along with his
Do you get along with his parents at all? Do you feel like they care about your son enough to be the ones supervising the visits? That might be an easier solution if you feel ok about them.
I used to get along with them
I used to get along with them very well. She was like a grandmother to all my kids until one day I told them no. My son had just gotten suspended from school and he was supposed to go somewhere with them that weekend. I told them he wasn't able to because he was grounded. That was when they turned into BF patents (psycho) They called me every name in the book. Continued to lecture me on my poor choices. Told me I was out of line and if I wouldn't let them see him they would take me to court blah blah blah. So ever since then.... No we don't get along. My sons best interest doesn't matter to them. They made that very clear. They want whats fair to them.
Depends what he was in jail
Depends what he was in jail for. HMMM...tough decision.