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If it were me, I'd tell DH that she can come but he'll have to pay her way. That, since your parents don't know her very well that you don't feel comfortable asking them to pay her way.

Maybe this trip will give you, your children, and your family the opportunity to bond with her. She COULD be a great big sister, given the chance.

My first thought here is that you married this man, your parents had no real part in that and I'd be amazed to see a tape where they stood up and took vows with him along side you.

That said - who is he expecting to pay for his daughter to go on this trip? This girl is a stranger to them, it's absurd for him to expect his in-laws to pay for a kid they barely know. It's not a trip you and your H arranged, your parents did, they get to invite who they want, particularly if they're paying. If he wants to be a big boy and ask them if they're okay with your SD going and you two can afford to pay for it, then I might consider how much a fuss do you really want to kick up around it (she may not want to go anyway if she ignores all of you when you do see her). But if he's expecting your parents to pay for it, there's no bending for you to do - it's not your decision.

I hate to tell him, but your parents Didn't "accept her" when the two of you got married. They get to do whatever they want and he needs to deal with it. This also isn't about you being "willing to let her end your marriage" - if it happens it's because your H is too childish, immature and frankly, out of his mind to deal with the fact that he can't force everyone to love his child and have her treated "like their own". He obviously hasn't fostered the relationship between his daughter and you and your family so honestly, what the hell does he expect?

Just reinforce to him it's not your choice whether she goes or not, it's your parents and as a GIFT it might be nice to just accept the gift and not whine about someone they hardly know being left out.

You aren't wrong, he's being ridiculous.

Oh hell no! Unless of course your DH plans to pay for all her expenses and if it is all good with your family that she come along. I mean after all it was you, your DH and your children who were invited, not her, it's like stepping on your families toes. It's not up to your parents to pay for someone they don't know so like I said if DH is willing to pay for her expenses and your family says it's okay with them then fine, otherwise no. Oh and I'd say you should be cool with it too, if you aren't even if DH says he will pay for her I'd just say nope, sorry.

P.S. I find it entirely weird he would end his marriage over one little trip that YOUR family did not invite her on, it's not like you have control over that. Maybe if he wants to spend time with her he should just have her down to visit and you go on vacation with your family by yourself?

Maybe he thinks this would be good for her and the rest of the family to get to know each other so she can be a part of the family? I dunno. Have you spoke to your parents about it? How do they feel about her coming along?

Will you even have her during the trip or will Ger mom say no? I ask b/c if the mom is a nut or if u will need a passport she nay just say no.

Your question to dh should be "Why THIS trip. Why NOW?". It would baffle me if all of a sudden, dh wanted his first child included in this when he seemingly hasn't shown interest in much with her before. Does he feel guilty and he believes this would alleviate some of the guilt he feels for not having a strong relationship with her?

Its been my personal childhood experience that parents who feel guilty for their actions, missteps, inactions, words, etc use money as a way to alleviate their guilt about their lack of quality parenting.

Ultimately I feel that because it is your family that arranged for this trip and you are not paying any expenses it is up to them whether they want her there or not and if they have said no (as you have stated) your husband should just accept that, it's not your fault, tell him to take it up with your parents if he is so bent out of shape over it.

Would your parents be ok with her going if DH paid her way?

What if he says he won't allow any of his kids to go unless SD is invited?

Disneyfan they can't afford to pay for her and ops parents r paying for the other out of the goodness if their hearts. Nor cool for him to say such a thing

I want to know if this trip is during his parenting time? If not then there shouldn't be a problem.

I'm sorry but he is rude, wrong, and way out of line. We are not talking about a skid being purposely left out. This skid has no relationship of any kind with OP family. Skid is a stranger to them, so it makes PERFECT sense they wouldn't invite her. This is a child who rarely visits OP and BD, so what is the exclusion? There is none.
And IMHO I think it would be rude of you to ask your parents for another person to come, regardless if you and DH pay. This isn't a simple dinner invite. It is a full paid get away vacation. I would be irritated if I planned a trip with people I personally picked and paid for to ask can we bring so and so? Uh, no! There is a reason I chose just you and you. and you.
I would tell DH, "sorry, but my parents planned this and paid for it. I am not going to disrespect them by inviting along another on a trip that they planned and Paid for. I understand you feeling guilty about going without her, if it is that conflicting then use this time to visit with skid. Me and the kids are gonna go. It wouldn't be fair to our kids to be shorted a great opportunity for memories with family. "

I agree with all the others-your dh is being unreasonable-if he wants his daughter to feel like more of a part of your family then he needs to work on that in YOUR OWN home first. Why does she only spend 3 or 4 weekends with you all a year? Shouldnt she get to know you and your kids better before going on a vaca (that she wasnt actually invited to)with all your various relatives? It seems like it would be awkward for everyone including her.

Since you don't want to end the marriage (which seems absurd to me), you can't afford to pay her way, and your parents uncomfortable with her there.... I'd tell DH that since this trip is not an option for SD that you all could take a more affordable family trip with just your family. Ask him to let your parents have their trip and you can take a seperate (more affordable) one with SD if he'd like.

As a step kid, I always saw my step siblings get more from my step-grandparents and I know it made my mom upset that she couldn't smother us with gifts like they were. It never bothered me. They acknowledged me and gave me little gifts and I always appreciated it because I didn't expect it since at the time, I didn't know them. Over 13 years, I know them now and love them and they love me. But it took time for us to get to know each other.

As a parent, my BD1 is completely ignored by my DH's parents while SS7 is spoiled rotten and it really REALLY bothers me. I can understand your H's point of view. It's still his child.

My parents treat SS7 and my step-nephew just like their own. I tell her not to because SS7 is such a jerk to me but they do anyway. And I know DH really appreciates that.

I still can't figure out what he really wants?

Your parents aren't going to pay, you are not personally going to pay and he can't afford to pay it alone. So what is the solution and how in the hell does getting divorced help anything?

If he wants a divorce I guarantee you can do better that him.

I have run into this one too. My mom paid for us (my daughter and I ) to go to Disney last spring. DH could have come too and his kids, if he could pay their own way. We surely couldnt afford it at the time (right before our wedding)so My daughter and I went. His sons, my step sons, threw a huge hissy fit..how dare I keep them from the fun too....umm...I told them DH didnt go. They still took offense, which was way silly (waasnt even their spring break, they live a state away too)...so...

DH has been paying for our summer vaca in the Smoky Mtns all year and we all are going to it this summer.

My thought or idea is: What if you all could do your 'family' vaca with the kids and you and dh this summer instead or something. That way she feels a part of it, and so does DH. Could be as easy & cheap as staying at a camp ground or something. Just my opinion or thought.

Hope things get better for ya soon!!!

The 15 yr. old daughter does not live in your household.
She by choice prefers not to participate or accept you and the children of your household as family.
She has a mother who is collecting child support and if it was that important to her to have this daughter go along she would at least be offering to pay the child's expenses if she were invited.
BUT
Your parents did not invite her.
They barely know her.
She will be going along as a stranger to the rest of the family and even if there were some of your nieces in her age group it does not mean they will be accepting of her.
If she chooses not to be sociable or helpful during this trip then where does that leave you? Will DH be pacifying her with one on one attention while you are left on your own with the younger ones? Don't think that is what your parents intended on their dime.

If your DH told her about this trip or invited her then I think he was out of line. If he promised her something that was not his to give or offer he was in the wrong. He created a situation that makes you and your family appear to her as the bad guys in this.

One of the biggest problems between my DH and I was getting him to realize that all children are not always entitled to the same things in life. Turn the situation around and there are most likely advantages for the daughter that she enjoys because of her mom's side of the family. Her 2 younger half siblings are not entitled because she gets.

So, does this mean if his ex wife's parents were planning a similar all expenses paid trip your DH would expect that they take your children along too. Or does this only apply to his daughter. I am sure his 15 year old does many things that your children are not a part of. This is a family holiday (your family) planned and paid for by your parents, I think it is rude of him to expect they include his daughter. He may see her often, you only see her 3 or 4 times a year and apparently she does not attempt to fit in, your parents I assume would have been lucky to have seen her 3 or 4 times in her lifetime, so she would not fit in with them either, does he really want his daughter to have a family holiday with people she apparently would rather not spend time with just to make him feel less guilty. He is a bit selfish on many levels isn't he.

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