I have what I call my "KID VOICE" I am an extremely demanding, aggressive type person. I am (was) hard on my step kids until I learned about the kid voice. I have had to teach my self to talk with them, not at them. Ask, not demand... It is very difficult, and a tremendous amount of work on my part. But it starts with how you speak to the child. Show respect.. Show Love even if you do not get it in return. My husband always tells me to be the bigger person and show love.

I think you should try to write him a letter and explain that you are not the perfect person but that you did the best you could and that you really love him. And that you hope that even though you don't say, or show it very much that you do love him. Or something along those lines. I was not brought up in a affectionate home. With little children it is easy to show love. But as they grow older it becomes harder. I have found as a sm that I pulled away when my ss was little because I didn't want to rock the boat with his BM. SS is 7years now and I'm trying to be more loving and affectionate. BM is not around right now and may not be anylonger depending on how things go. I know my ss needs that from me. I feel bad at times. SS is not a bad kid. SO just reach out and do it before its to later. All kids need praise affection and love. Good luck.