I am just so sick of this crap!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I need to vent a bit...
I am a divorced Father of 2, and a step Dad to two more. I love my kids dearly, and wish my x was not so hell-bent on ruining my relationship with them.
For the past year my children's BM has ruined every holiday, and kept the kids from me for more than half of my weekend visits. I am so sick of it, and when I did file a contempt motion it was denied... even though she admitted to it on stand. I am paying over $760/ mo to her in CS, I cannot afford to keep spending $180 for motions to just be denied.
If it isn't bad enough that I am losing my relationship with my kids, who I now have not seen in over 2 months, it is having a significant effect on my relationship with my fiance and step- kids. This is putting a huge strain on my relationship, causing some arguing about what to do, and it is just added stress.
We already have a huge stress due to a work related injury my fiancee suffered and the BWC drama that resulted from it. And of course, anybody who has dealt with BWC knows there comes a financial strain because of it too...
Then I find out today that when my kids were kept from me for Christmas, they were with my x at MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!!! WTF??? I knew my mother was crawling up my x's ass, but for them to be at HER house for Christmas when the kids were supposed to be with me... REALLY??? My mother hated my x, and all but begged me to divorce her!!!
I also found out that the last weekend I was supposed to have the kids but got denied access to them, My Mother had them, and took them to ride the Polar Express... And another time, over the summer, same situation, she took them to a water park!!!
If this isn't all bad enough, I found numerous posts in various forums and FB pages by my x today... all claiming ME to be a dead beat dad, for not coming to get my kids for visits and for Christmas!!! Also stating how I walked out on them and left her broke and hungry... WTF??? I left because she told me to, and she was having an affair!!! Her BF moved in the day after I moved out. And BTW, I have over 20 police reports stating that she didn't allow me to get the kids for visitation, many of them where the officer called and spoke to her, and she told them she would not allow me to have the kids!!! What a lieng bitch!!!
How am I supposed to feel right now? To find out my own Mother is getting my kids when I am supposed to have them, not telling me... in fact lieng about it!!! I asked her about it and she denies everything, yet there are dated pictures on her FB of it, along with comments on her wall!!!! I just want to scream right now!!!!!!!!!
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OMG...This is horrible!!!!!
OMG...This is horrible!!!!! I say this alot but I do not understand these BM's I'm sorry your going through such a hard time....I wish you the best....I wish I had some advise but just at a loss of words!!!
I'm so sorry to hear that you
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this--and the only thing I can tell you is don't let whatever she says or does affect you, because I am guessing it is affecting your relationship because you let it affect you and that may be why it's putting a strain between you and your significant other.
My MIL once told me, don't give toxic people space in your brain. They're not worth it. Do what you have to do and after that, allow the law and the courts to handle it. If it doesn't work in your favor, try again but don't let it affect your emotions or your relationships, continue to live your life as you see fit, because you have the right to move on and be happy.
Put it this way, just because she's denying you visitation, will it change that fact that you are their father? Will it stop them from trying to contact you when they are old enough to do so on their own (provided you let them know you will always be there for them if they need it)? Will it stop you from filing motions and trying to get the visitation time you deserve? When they reach whatever age they are allowed a cell phone, will it stop you from calling them to talk and meet up?
Don't focus so much on the end result, whether or not you will "win." Just realize that if you put all your energy on this, you will lose out on the life you are currently living in the present. If you do, she will have gotten exactly what she wanted which is not allowing you to move on and possibly break up your relationship.
Sooner or later, if you do all that you are supposed to do, it will come back to you. I believe it. I always tell SO, let her out-manipulate herself. She can only make logical moves if you make react to her, and if you don't, she will only end up playing with herself.
do you have first right of
do you have first right of refusal? Meaning if it's your time with the kids and she sends them elsewhere YOU can go get them? IF you do. I would start enforcing that. You're mother is not helping you at all. I'm so sorry you are not being backed by your own family for YOUR time with your kids. I do not get parents who behave this way. It is a sad situation when parents use their children to hurt the other parent. I would for sure check your papers to see if you have anything regarding the first right of refusal. And if you are unsure call your lawyer. And start fighting back. IF you think they are with your mom.. go get them. She is a grandparent. They have NO rights. Start making it complicated. Maybe that will light fire under her that you are serious about having your kids. And start writing down every time you contact her. Save every phone message, text message or email. Make a journal. Document everything. In court it's not what you say it's what you have proof of and documentation is good. Especially if she tries to say you haven't been trying to see your kids.
I'm so sorry you are enduring this. Funny how you really don't know the person you are married to until you are divorced....
Everything Buterfly said,
Everything Buterfly said, plus- you need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with your mother. She is NOT, under any circumstances, to have the kids on your weekend. Who does she think she is? You need to nip that in the bud yesterday. Take charge of this situation right now, and unfortunately I think that you have to fight like you're in a war.
Welcome to the NCP biodad
Welcome to the NCP biodad club!! Sounds exactly like what happened to GG (biodad I live with). He pays $1,000 a month in CS even though he only makes $15 an hour and he has three PASed out children who are totally failing school to show for it.
GG trusted his x to an EXTREME so she got away with all her shenanigans. And we were too broke to do anything legally about it (not that it matters as you see when you're a bioDAD they couldn't care less about the law)
P.S. Your mother KNOWS that the courts favour the BM, so to keep in contact with her grandbabies, she'll cut her own son's throat to do so.
P.S. Your mother KNOWS that
P.S. Your mother KNOWS that the courts favour the BM, so to keep in contact with her grandbabies, she'll cut her own son's throat to do so.
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You nailed that one on the head!!!!