~stressed and Tired~
I have been married to my DH for 12 years.. Recently my 13y/o ss moved in with us. My DH works out of town and BM lives in another state so I am left raising this child basically on my own. I have to daughters of my own (15 & 9) who are very well adjusted. My ss is making my life miserable. He's very manipulative and he's good at it. He constantly lies..his hygiene is horrible. I am at my Whits end. He's failing school. I have tried everything I know of to help him. I've gotten him tutors, he hasn't missed a day of school..he's in extra programs at school to help him. He just doesn't do his homework or study for his test. He has no understanding of the importance of an education. He obviously never learned good study habits. I don't feel he's ever learned to take responsibility for his actions. I'm very strict with my daughters when it comes to academics. I've punished my SS for getting zeros and F's but only for my DH to come home from out of town to let him do what he wants. I don't hate my SS..I just don't like the person he is and ..I resent the situation. My DH and I argue constantly now. My SS knowshow to manipulate the situation and somehow...my husband and I end up in an argument. His BM shows NO support. She dismisses me Like I'm nothing but her ex-husbands wife..never acknowledges me as this Childs SM yet...I'm raising him?! I know this blog may sound all scattered around but that's how my brain is functioning at the moment(: I'm so overwhelmed and stressed. I am almost ready to tell my DH that I'm DONE! I don't know what else to do
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Thanks! That's kinda the
Thanks! That's kinda the attitude I have taken on. my DH just makes me mad because he says I should treat my SS as my own child but I can't. I am a parent. I demand respect and I expect my children to follow the rules. My ss's BM let him do what he wanted when he wanted..he's not use to the rules. So for that, he doesn't like me much. It's whatever because right now the feeling is mutual. My husband is only home every other weekend right now...maybe he needs to consider changing jobs so HE can raise his son. I'm si glad I found this site! I think it's going to be my strength.
Our latest arguement is
Our latest arguement is because our 9y/o DD plays on a tournament softball team which does take up slot of my time. 2 practices a week and at least two tournaments a month. This has been my life for the past few years and it has worked out fine until now that SS is living here. He doesn't want to go to the games of practices so he whines to his bf. I don't trust my SS at all to leave him home alone..as my DH thinks I should. Not sure how I'm suppose to handle this one...?
NO NO AND NO!! It's
NO NO AND NO!! It's astonishing to me how many stepmoms here get stuck raising two other adults who fucked eachother's child.
Sorry to be so crass but this is ridiculous...it's bad enough you have to put up w/beign around another womans kid, you have your OWN to raise and worry about...then they want to put the spawn they created together, that is likely 90pct of your stress even if he DIDN'T live with you on YOUR shoudlers to raise? NO NO NO.
Either he gets another job and sticks aroudn to raise his kid or kid goes to mom, you're DONE...not being a wife, but being the MOM/DAD to your dh and his ex's child.
You need to disengage. Like
You need to disengage. Like PP said make sure he is fed a.d safe but you are not obligated to help with homework. IMO 13 is old.enough to take responsibility for your academic life. I was doing everything school.realted for.my SS until I realized that both of his parents weren't spending hours practicing reading and math with him I did. It is not my responsibility to help with homework. I stopped doing it because I felt.unappreciated and felt.like.my.SO's priorities were messed up. He has 2 parents to help him and I think you've did your part. I think all of us stepmoms do so much up until a point where enough is enough. We are stressed out while.our DH or SO and skids are just fine.
When you stop doing it your DH will have. No choice but to step up and do something. Either that or ignore it and have your SS fail.and.gets calls from the school. But at 13 I think he's old.enough to be responsible for himself academically.
Um, yeah-your dh needs to get
Um, yeah-your dh needs to get a new job. I've been there done that-spent years being the one to primarily raise ss-tried to do so with values and morals-but everyone thought I was too mean. The kid doesnt live here anymore because I finally said, "I quit".
If you dont feel up to doing that just yet (I know its definitely a process-takes awhile to get there) then I would do as others suggest and disengage. I wouldnt say a word to him about grades; however, when your kids get good grades do something extra special for them-buy them a treat-give them some money-take them to a movie-just something special that your ss would like-also I would verbally praise the hell out of them in front of ss. If the kid doesnt care about his education, and both his parents dont care-then how big of an impact are you really going to make?
As far as whether he stays home or not-you are in charge-your dh isnt even home-YOU get to make the rules. Who cares whether he likes it or not? It's part of being a family, right? You have to make sacrifices for one another. If at some point he can prove that he is responsible then fine let him stay home-but I would not do so until you are comfortable with it.
I'm going thru the same
I'm going thru the same situation. I'm basically raising ss5 alone. Dh works 14-16 hours a day and bm would rather just put everything on dh to live her life kid free. It's sickening how a parent can just put the responsibility of raising their child on somebody else. I mean I can understand dh working to pay or bills, but bm has no excuse.
Thanks for all of the advice
Thanks for all of the advice and support(: something has to change because I refuse to keep living this way. It's causing stress for myself as well as my two daughters. Without any support from his BF or BM.,I'm fighting a losing battle.