I am so frustrated and could really use some advice.

I've never posted on this site before... I'm just so upset and angry and really need to vent. DH of 2 years is sweet and loving when it's just us, but when SD16 is around (we have her every other week), he completely disregards and ignores me, it makes me feel so worthless. SD visits once a week and I can't stand her. I can't stand her constant whining, conceited attitude and constant hanging on DH. She acts like a little CHILD and is completely obsessed with DH. She's constantly hugging him, holding his hand and sitting on his lap, ESPECIALLY when he shows any type of affection to me around her, it seems like she can't stand the idea of him caring about anyone other than her. She watches little kid's cartoons and cries about tiny injuries like PAPER CUTS... like a 5-year-old. She has "nightmares" and comes into our bedroom to snuggle with DH at least once a month... it's just so strange. Whenever I try to bring it up with DH that this behavior is a little... odd, to say the least, and he basically just said "she's just a child." She's NOT a child, she's a 16 year old young adult and she needs to start acting like one! She has DH wrapped around her finger, he buys her whatever she wants, he just got her an iPhone 4S, and has already started Christmas shopping for her (she gave him a 2-page list.) I tried to have a relationship with her, but she's so rude and nasty to me, it's just impossible. She criticizes me, walks all over me, won't listen to any rules I lay down (like clean your own bathroom), nothing. When we go out to eat, DH always sits on her side of the booth, never with me. Last night, she and I got in an argument during dinner when she told me I needed braces ("I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help you"). I basically said she had no right to talk to me like that, and she called me an idiot. Finally I got fed up and told her that she wasn't going to disrespect ME in MY house. She said "it's just as much my house as it is yours" and she ran off bawling. I was upset that DH didn't back me up and wanted an apology, to which he said "I have to make things right with my daughter first". 15 minutes later, she came downstairs while DH was in the shower and basically said to me something along the lines of "He loves me the most. Get over it, bitch." :jawdrop: I haven't told DH yet.

SERIOUSLY?!?! I've always wanted a daughter and I have tried so hard to be kind to her, and she just treats me like crap. I know I should be happy, she's a nice girl to EVERYONE but me, she has straight-A's in AP classes, she plays violin is class president, she doesn't do drugs, DH's friends always tell us how "lucky" we are... she's better than a lot of kids, but I can't help but resent her so much. I hate to say I'm jealous, and he really is so perfect when SD isn't with us but I don't know why he can't be a husband AND a father when she's around. I'm just so hurt and frustrated... I want to talk to DH about this but I don't know how, he just loves SD so much. I really want to talk to DH about this and lay down some rules for SD's behavior, how should I go about doing this?

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I would have already told

I would have already told your DH what his princess said to you. And then told him I was out the door and seeking a marriage counsellor. I would move out and tell him she wins. He shouldn't have married you when he had all he needed in his daughter. And if he wanted someone just to sleep with he could just pay for it like an honest person. No catches, no empty promises... did he promise to put you above all others? If he did, he lied.

See, this isn't you per say. This would happen to ANY woman who walked into your husband's life.

So let him have at it. Let him parent his princess but do all you can to save your marriage. And when people say how LUCKY you are just laugh and say "Oh if you only knew!"
Tell him how he is not helping his daughter at all by keeping her as a little girl. Sadly they all grow up and he would do better to let his daughter become an adult who can function in the real world rather than Daddy keeping a duahgtershrine for her.

Wow you sound like me..or I

Wow you sound like me..or I sound like you. 16 and still being a clingy baby. My SD is 6. I feel sick to my stomach to hear these ugly tactics will continue on for so long. Ill tell you right now I cant do it.

Hey ladies, Im so new to

Hey ladies,

Im so new to this, and funny! i found this site, cos i too am super frustrated. I really appreciate your commenst RhyleighBlue. And if it wasnt for this site i think id be in the middle of a full blown arugement right now with hubby. Still getting use to the lingo of this site however. The two biggest points i got was: you cant make rules for someone elses kids even in your own home- howeva i think issues can be discussed (I'm confident to address SD13 and it will be recieved well) i just dont like the back lash from her dad AKA: my husband. I agree Blood is thicker than water- i ended up throwing my ring at him one time and telling him to give it to her cos an arguement escalted and it got to that point. Thats when i got results. which sux cos i dont ever want to put him in that situation. Thats not what i am about. I took on this family knowing what i was getting into i just wish i had more help from him to blend all his damn kids and our family life together. "Chose your love, than love your choice" thats my philosphy.

First, and foremost, please

First, and foremost, please remove this from your vocabulary..."I took on this family knowing what i was getting into." Out of the mouths of babes, really! (NOT trying to poke fun...)

I remember feeling that exact same way when DH and I married almost 10 years ago.

I thought I could make a positive difference in SD17's life.
I thought things could be discussed.
I thought threatening to leave would make a difference.
I thought I could communicate with BM and work through our situation like rational adults.
I thought BM cared about SD.
I thought...,
I thought...,
I thought....

Not much has panned out in that regard. You take each day and each situation as they come, hopefully with DH's support.

16 is not an age when a kid is going to be happy about old rules, let alone a new set....just as you have heard, to keep your sanity, you may need see/watch how others disengage. See if you think it will help!

Good luck! And, do NOT let sd get to you!!!!!

OMG! SA, you are

OMG! SA, you are frickin-hilarious! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your one-line zingers.

"I think if it was happening to tigers, the SM or father would eat the cub."

Wish my DH was a tiger! Aahh, so funny! Thanks, I needed that!

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