SS threat of vist
so here it is, even the thought of my ss coming for a visit has me wanting to move out. the anxiety it creates is almost post tramatic. he steals , cheats and lies and would throw his mom under the bus if he thought it would gain him something. her need to beleive his lies are painful to watch, hanging on to some hope that he is redeamable and this i understand. his constant acting out from 14 till he was forced to move out at 18 took it's toll on me. not for lack of effort counceling for him, and family, love of friends and family and continuous oppurtunities, which he rejected, from schools,friends and family, to assist him with his education and becoming a responsible decent person. he was kicked out of two schools and quit one because parting was more important. he's been kicked out of several friends houses after the poor me story wore off. he's been arrested several times, it got to the point were we went from trying to get him to go to college, to getting him through high school to keeping a felony off his record by doing communit service. he never graduated high school, and god only knows if he's been arrested again. I don't care on some level what he does or were he is but i respect that his mom does I just don't want him in my house or anywhere near us but some day he may show up and that makes me very uncomfortable. he's a moucher and a charmer, the scary kind. His mom may argue he's changed, people change, he has alot of growing up to do befor i will even entertain that thought, years of growing up. not to mention my health is not the best and i have to make a commitment to my health above and beyound anyone and anything else and that is harder to do then one might imagine. talking about it with my partner is difficult even as she is aware of his behaviors, i just think hope shouldn't be blinding.
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I think we have the same SS.
I think we have the same SS. As the Holidays near, I am starting to stress more. I know my SO would love to see his son during that time, and I know the son will show expecting to collect cash and presents. I'll have to accept his fake hugs so as not to look like a total bitch. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it.
My SS has been staying in a sober living facility for the past two months, in an attempt to keep his crimes off his record. A druggie, thief, and high school drop out, like yours. He's supposedly made a miraculous recovery in these couple of months, and my SO is so proud. I'm reluctant to believe any of it, because we've gone through this and dealt with these same lies so many times. I still try to be supportive, yet it makes my stomach turn every time he is mentioned.
I have a similar kind of
I have a similar kind of situation in that for the last couple of years I have had the threat of one of my SDs moving in with us, hanging over me. I suffer from depression and know my mental health is not robust enough to cope with this.
First it was SD14, who was going through a delinquent phase at school and at home with BM. FOr the last few months it has been SD16, who has violent rows with BM.
The thought of this happening really wobbles me, and I have said to DH that although if BM threw SD16 out, I would give it a go, in reality, I might have to leave myself if it didn't work out, which is almost guaranteed.
Since your SS is legally adult now - you do not HAVE to take him in - couldn't you just tell your partner that you are not willing for him to come, even for a visit? I don't know what your circumstances are, but if your partner wants to see her son, perhaps she could put him up in a local hotel for a few nights, so they can do things together.
Thanks for the idea of the
Thanks for the idea of the hotel. not sure how it will fly but it's a great idea if my so wants to spend time with her son. I think the fanasy of happy family gets in the way of real progress. I have too many people I care about that I don't get to spend time with that I realy don't have the patience or the desire to spend time with someone like him. I totaly support their relationship but after years of crap i'm done. I won't apologize for having boundaries in reguards to my safety or personal space.
I feel the same way about
I feel the same way about SS21 - rehab, arrests, sober living, the works. Have not seen him in a year and dread the holidays. All the same crap = BM goes on and on about how he has changed.
Really??? He lost his job again and DH's Daughter called up DH last week that SS21 showed up at her job HIGH! Really he changed?! - thought he was supposed to be in school!
LIAR LIAR - I figure I may not have to deal with him because BM would have shipped him off to another rehab by then.
Yes, it does always end badly
Yes, it does always end badly and it's hard when my so is hanging on to some norman rockwell fantasy. Nothing dies harder then a bad idea. I woke up this early am with anxiety about the whole potential for a visit(no visit is planned) and have to find a way to talk about it where it doesn't turn into a fight.I want a plan should he show up, i want boundaries and it seems every time i try to draw them it turns into a fight. I just keep telling my self that my health comes first. Why think about it? he will eventualy run out of places to stay and may show up at our house. Then it becomes well it's my house too from the so. It's almost been a year since he's lived with us and it feels like yesterday. and with the holidays and all the mushy over sentimental crap that comes with them i don't put it passed him showing up for gifts and the potential over the top sentimental reception.
Ahhh, the Norman Rockwell
Ahhh, the Norman Rockwell fantasy. MIL signed for CTBB to drop out at age 15? He's going to be a doctor! CTBB starts a fire smoking pot in the woods? He's going to be a lawyer! CTBB throws empty beer bottles out of MIL's car in full vie of the cops ? He's smart enough to be a college professor! An investigation is opened for insurance fraud? He's going to be a scientist! (and that insurance agent is an idiot anyway!) :?