Hi,
I am new to this forum. I was searching last night for some kind of support group where I live. I didn't find really anything on the web for that but I found this site. I read some blogs last night and I was like WOW other people seem to have very similar problems as me. I was not always impressed with the advise as some of it seems emotional driven and not solid advise. I am needing solid advise as I am already emotional driven enough for myself.
So here is my quick history..... I got divorced over 11 years ago. My husband cheated on me with our very young babysitter. I meet a guy and it was like in the movies when time stopped and music of soft harp strings played around our heads. It was so amazing that everyone in the room could feel the connection. We dated for about a year while he was going through his divorce and I through mine. He has two kids NOW they are SD15 and SS13, I have two sons BS11, BS14. When we got together they were 1 to 5.At this time my husband got his kids every week for about 4 days. Then his ex was admited into the mental hospital and into a rehab for sex and drug addiction. During this time the kids were left in our care and I was left with no choice but to quite work and stay home as we could not afford day care for 4 kids. (It would cost more then what I was making)..... During this whole time and I am sure I don't need to explain too much but his ex was and still is crazy. She does everything in her power to make our life a living H***. We have not done very well in keeping our heads clear and cool at all times and this has caused unreal stress in my marriage, as it was ment to. My ex was for the most part during the first 6 years easier to deal with to some degree....until he and his new wife (our ex babysitter, yes the same one he cheated on me with) decided to make friends with my husbands ex. Yes, that is what I said....my ex and his ex joined forces and for the last 5 years have done everything they could to destroy our family. We have been taken to court everysingle year. We have paid over thousand of dollars in legal fees. We have drained our savings and equity in our home. Our marriage is on survial mode as we are just trying to get through this. I am not sure how things work in the US or other parts of canada with regards to the legal system, but here if someone wants to take you to court then you have to go. You can't choose to not or whatever they are submitting to the court will be granted.

It is now 11 years later and things are no different then they were at the start. and actually they are worse now because the children are turning into teenagers and they are bringing to the tabel their own attitudes. My SD whom i once had a very very good relationship with is being destroyed by her mom. I guess, I probably didn't need to mention the obvious that in this triangle of a mess there is very real hatred amoung the parents. So much to the point that parneting is no longer happening. The kids just float between the homes.... My SD has appointed herself as a parent role in my home and her mom parents into my home via her cell phone. My husband whom has decided that being at work is better then being at home sees none of this and does not care to "get any on him" so he allows his daughter to do whatever she wants and trust me she can do no wrong. Only I can. Just last week I was left to deal with Thanksgiving with my SD via text and the texted were so rude and her tone was unreal, that when I try to talk to my husband about it he claims that I am causing the stress. That never could his daughter and that there is NO POSSIBLE way she could ever have a tone in texting. That there is no tone in written word, there just words unless she was calling me names. So where do I go from here? I have pulled back and that has seem to make it worse. I understand that they get told constantly by their BM how much of a bag I am according to her and so on. I have had my skids come back and telling me the crap she has said to them. My ss has also admitted to lying about me or our home just to make her happy and stop the constant questioning. He has learned that compliance to her emotions is the only way he can live in peace. When I share with my ss how wrong this is and that he is helping make this situation worse he seems to not care. He cares about not being around the stress. Which I totally get but he is not understand that if he stop playing his game that might help the overall stress. Not that I am complimenting her, but as a Mom if either one of my sons came home as said even half of what I understand he is saying about me or my home I would be lossing it too. You never want your kids in that situation. The sad part is the kids are not in any situation. It is one that the ex has created and the kids are just playing their part. What advise do you have for this? My Skids are tired of listening to just about anybody. They don't want to be in middle, yet I can't get them out and my husband is fine with them there...he thinks it will make them wise to how much of a B!%&# their mom is. I don't see that at all...what I see is the kids resenting their life and I am the punching bag. They for some reason have blinders on for what their Mom does.....another example we were going our for a dinner at a friends house and would not be home until realy late, my SS had hockey the next day. We asked that his hockey equipment get dropped off and she refused. So my SS didn't go to hockey and he doesn't blame his Mom. He actually said that who ever scheduled a practice at that time was stupid....(the pracice time was 11am) So not even a real response.... When I tried to talk to my husband about it he said he didn't care, want's none of that on him and he just doesn't go. From where I sit I can not understand why any of this would be happening. Why would you as a mom not make sure your kids had everything they need to do their life including making sure you drop off what they need and left at your house???? If anyone has advixe on that I would love to hear it.

I have reached a point in my home that I am tired of dealing with this life....Sad thing is this is only one part. I have my own two kids and my ex and his wife whom has no idea how to back the heck off of me and my kids. She interferes with our parenting, she interefers at the school, she interefers with their sports. Both me and my ex are very involved in our kids life and are able to support our kids. Her role is to support her husband. We have a schedule were the kids are with either parent when they are not working so the kids get time with their parents. She actually thinks she has rights over these kids and does everything she can to make sure everyone is aware she is around....So needless to say she is immature and has no self confidence or self esteem. Even a judge told her to back off but that seems to have had no affect. But some of the same games are being played with my children as with my Skids. My ex was telling my oldest son that when he got diciplined that was actually child abuse. He would poison my son against his SD and used the very same tactics that are used on my skids. However, me and my kids have a great relationship and once I figured out this was happening I pulled in all resources around me to help bring light to the situation. I am not sure it actually totally stopped it and I am still working on that for my kids but it sure helped. And when I say resources I mean the school became fully aware of what was happening, I brought in counsellors and even family members. I will not have my own kids live like my skids or treat their stepdad they way I get treated. Unfortuantly my husband doesn't see that and will do nothing to help. He actually makes fun of me for wanting him to stand-up to both his ex and his kids about me. He ridicules me for even mentioning it. So am I the one that is wrong for wanting my husband to standup for me?

Again this only skims the top of my life. i am not sure how to live in my life anymore or where I fit? or even if I do? My skids make me feel like crap. Their mom tells them that they don't see their dad because of me and that only when I leave will she allow them more time. So my skids look at me like I am blocking them. My SD said to me that if I left she would actually get to be with her Dad but she not sure how to make me leave. Then its things like Thanksgiving, or when I was talking to my SD about her bday and she said don't worry I will plan something with just my Dad... Or my SS not sharing his sport schedule with his father so we don't show up as it pisses his mom off, but it would be ok if just his Dad showed up. So do I just drop totally away from his kids or what? Like I mentioned before I have pulled away and it made things worse between us...like almost a ya my Mom was right you don't care and you are a bag??? That is atleast my take on it. They see me still very involved with my own kids, obviously, but my guess is they feel like they are being treated differently by me, which in the last year they are becasue I can seem to win in my life. I want my husband to have time with his kids and not be blocked.....I feel like I am in a no win situation and have no idea how much of this is my kids just being teenagers and how much of it is the influence??? I really need some strong advise. I understand you only have a small part of my life written here, but anything will help. Like my mom in-law says there is some basic life stuff that happens in everyones home no matter if your divorced or not...like teenagers lossing their heads...but some of it is the result of this life.....