really really need some help here ladies...wtf just happened?
BM just called DH up right now crying. She said she was puTting SS to bed and he said he wanted to tell her something DH had said. BM asked what and SS said that DH had been telling him to tell other people that BM and her husband were hitting SS. BM was in tears, worried they would take SS from her.
I can't believe this. I don't think BM would lie and DH said she sounded seriously upset. How could SS make this up? DH and I have ner EVER said anything even remotely like this and I doubt anyone has said anything like that to him. SS is 4. This doesn't seem like a lie a 4 year old would tell, where did he get this.
This leaves me with 2 choices, a someone told him (which I highly doubt) or b he is seriously more messed up in the head than I thought. Is this normal???????
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Goodness, this is not good.
Goodness, this is not good. My oldest daughter would do this stuff all of the time to get sympathy and attention. She is still doing this at age 30, wants to be the center of attention and will go to pretty desperate measures to get it too.
I considered this. We are
I considered this. We are meeting w the judge next week but it is the first time and BM doesn't know it yet. The way the court system is in Mexico she doesn't have to be told until 3 days before so she isn't getting the summons until Monday. I don't think she knows about the court hearing but if she does maybe she is pulling something. DH said she sounded really upset and he asked to speak to SS and he said he heard SS say he didn't want to speak to him. Why would he not want to speak to him unless he knew he was going to be punished for lying?
Normal for a 4-year old?
Normal for a 4-year old? Absolutely not.
I don't know what the BM you deal with is like, but I can tell you that just in the last few months there was a situation with our BM similar to this. DH called the house to speak to SS (just turned 18). BM told DH SS was in the shower. They talked about some things that SS had shared concerns about. Nothing ever turned cross. Not once were voices raised. There were no fingers being pointed. Seriously...I was there for the entire conversation. DH simply asked her to have SS call him back when he got out of the shower & they said goodbye. 30 minutes later SS called DH back. SS was pissed & said that BM had gone into his room & woke him up crying uncontrollably & told him that DH had just called & cussed her out like a dog. SS said it took him 20 minutes to get her to calm down enough to tell him what happened. She honestly made up the story, tears & all.
Our BM has never been diagnosed with anything as far as we are aware, but a normal person does not do that. Has your BM been known to be manipulative or make things up in the past?
I can't imagine a 4-year old would come up with something like that out of the blue.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your responses. This one really got to me! If BM had called angry and accusing I think I may have been more inclined to believe she made it up. Plus, DH asked to speak to SS and when she tried to hand him the phone DH clearly heard SS say he did not want to speak to him. I am taking this to mean he knew he would be punished for lying. SS is constantly telling us things BM says (like saying her husband works harder than DH) and now I don't know if it is true. I have told DH repeatedly to NEVER put down BM or her family in the least in front of SS but he does sometimes make comments about how little they feed him or how he spends more time w his grandmother than BM. I know this is bad for him and I do believe he may exaggerate about some things because he knows DH doesnt like BM and he wants to please DH. I assume he does the same for his mother. But this is too big a lie and for it to have been initiated by SS w out prompting from BM is too much for me. This is just crazy! I suggested w take the kid w a child psychologist but I don't know if BM would be on board.
They make things up for the
They make things up for the attention. My SD did this starting around 10. 4 just seems awfully young to do this...Sounds like someone putting this thought in his head.
DH wanted to speak to SS and
DH wanted to speak to SS and ask why he would say this but I think SS will j :jawdrop: ust deny it. I thought DH and BM should address this together (even though it makes me want to :sick: ) but BM is crazy and it wouldn't help. I do agree that if it continues they should get him help, thank you.
@Youngstepmom - At this age,
@Youngstepmom - At this age, kids lie for all kinds of reasons. There really doesn't have to be anyone who "told" this to him.
I went through something similar with my son. He told me all kinds of ridiculous things and I went to a therapist about it. There are several reasons - and at that age we can't "reason it out" as to why. They may be:
*attention
*fear of reprimand
*not understanding the difference between a white lie and an enormous one full of consequence, ie.: "my mom hit me" & "I ate 43 hot dogs".
I've found some resources for you, and they do help with suggestions on how to bring this up/deal with it. They are linked below:
hopefully these help.
Hopfully - this is just a case of the kid seeing/hearing something and usign it to his advantage. note- it doesn't make him evil - just a normal kid.
good luck.
JRTM
Thank you for the sites, I
Thank you for the sites, I will show them to DH later. And iwlass, I agree that what gets to me is the intricacy of the lie. Although it is serious, I realice that children sometimes don't know the difference between a little lie and a big lie. But he didn't tell us "BM hit me" and he didn't tell BM "dad hits me," he didn't even say "dad says you hit me" he said "dad told me to tell people." That is what really gets to me.
Maybe - I can think of times
Maybe - I can think of times when my son said stuff like that. He didnt' know anything about the dynamics - he just said stuff. For example -
He told me that his sister said that I was mean. Apparently he had heard me talking to her about gossip. sounds little and not at all as big as abuse but fast forward to a few days later and he said to a friend, "my dad said my mom was out drinking all the time". He hadn't SEEN his dad in months.
I asked him if he knew the difference between a lie adn a truth. He said yes. I asked him if he knew the difference between a little lie and a big one and he said yes. When i asked him to give me an example of a big lie adn a small one, he said a small lie is "I ate 5 hot dogs" and a big lie is "I ate 42 hot dogs".
he was 4.5 then. Now he will do it and I have to investigate. He just blurts stuff adn it makes me bonkers. like, "I went upstairs to wake my sister up and she told me she hates me and let me go to sleep". I go upstairs to investigate and she is sitting on her bed wide awake. I ask her what her brother said to her and what she said and she says, "what are you talking about, I havent' talked to him". Obviously she could be lying - but he's done this when i've asked her to come downstairs and get money. My child loves money. She loves to shop.
After further investigation, he figured that if he said she wasn't coming downstairs and was mean, I'd punish her and give HIM the money. He learned a big lesson that day - punishment for not doing as told - 1 week loss of video game priveleges. punishment for lying to me - 1 week loss of play time with friends and ANOTHER week of video game loss. Punishment for being manipulative and greedy - hand washign all the walls in the house, scooping dog poop, and taking one chore of his sisters for 2 days.
he's 8 now. this happened last year. I have only had a couple relapses. Keep in mind though, i had just gotten them from their BF at this point and was still trying to "undo" all the bad "dones" they had learned.