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My story in a nutshell

GoDDiVa's picture

Can I first start off by saying I have never heard of this forum until my sister who is also a SM, brought it to my attention. I feel SO relieved that I'm not alone in this!

I have 2 SS and I have my issues with both, some worst than the other, but for now I will vent about the older SS. DH and ex-wife (BM) have a custody agreement where we should be having the kids 2-3 days out of the week. Because BM is a psycho lunatic who #1 won't let us have the kids on our days or #2 has been physically violent to DH in front of me and his family or #3 will leave SS at DH's parents house months at a time or my house months at a time- there is yet to be a civilized, REAL schedule in place when we see SS. We have zero contact with BM because of the horrible fights and her physically violent confrontations in front of SS that after we had our DS, I have had enough of her psycho ass. So we see SS whenever BM drops them off at DH parent's house. Frustrating.

So we see SS every couple of weeks and when I do see him I feel bad for the situation they're thrusted into, I really do, but please I don't want to hear about all the negative crap about BM! He'll come and tell me how she has seen pictures of my kids and how she said my DS look like a girl or how she hates me and DH. The constant negative comments about my kids is what sets me off. Because I'm fuming I blurt out how he needs to remind BM her forehead starts in the middle of her head and how she never takes care of them because they're always at DH parents house (who btw- never let us know when they have SS. They get jealous when DH and I are taking care of SS. Is this NORMAL????). I shouldn't have gone off but SS was laughing hard while telling me like he finds it funny that BM talks crap about my 1 yr old DS. SS btw is a 5 yr old, I think he Damien.

Apart from his snide crap talking, this child also lies and is conniving. I seriously never thought children could be this way and that people who thought so were exaggerating, but I come from a large family and none of my siblings were like this. I'll ask him to do something when we're alone and he's fine, he does it. He listens and helps me. As soon as DH is around this kid is night and day and does a 180 degree turn... For the worst! His 5 yr old ass all of a sudden talks in a higher pitch and does this weird gibberish talk to DH that oddly enough DH tolerates and enables?!?! Then the kid all of a sudden acts like he doesn't know how to do anything? He doesnt know how to use the bathroom, he hates everything and won't eat what I cook, he'll start screaming for pizza even though five minutes earlier he asked me to make him a bowl of cereal. He also will start screaming bloody murder if DH goes to the bathroom or if he goes to the store. When DH gets back SS starts screaming why didn't he get candy for him. The whole time I'm telling DH that he is allowing this type of behavior and DH brushes me off and says, "You don't know how he is. I can handle it." Ooookay. Then handle it. Dont leave them with me and don't ask me to help with them then! And when I try to discipline SS, like time out, DH thinks I'm treating SS badly. Ummm when we got married DH asked me to love his kids as my own and I have. Hell, if my kids threw tantrums and acted like little shits like SS does then TRUST I'd handle it in a minute so that they know that crap does not fly with me! But we have had many fights due to DH thinking I'm being too harsh if I send SS to the room or if I don't baby him. I'm at my wits end and honestly, most of the time I'm secretly glad that DH parents don't let us know they have the SS.

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GoDDiVa's picture

I haven't heard that advice to disengage. But I definitely will use that, thank you! And my in laws protecting the kids... That's SO true!! I haven't seen it from that perspective. Thank you for the input! I loved your advice and I will definitely take it! Smile