Well at 4:15 last night, the lawyers started calling...Apparently neither side was prepared for court. DH was after spending the whole weekend on it. Our lawyer and her lawyer asked him if they could continue to Oct so that they didn't look unprepared for the judge. Unbelievable...DH went off and said no, he was ready and that was their problem. They needed to fix it or settle it now. THat meant he wanted SS13 at our house immediately. He would forgo CS and custody of SD15. He would also continue to cover SD15 on his health insurance, but no longer pay any of the bills. And get this whatever visitation agreement that BM had for SS13 was the same agreement that he would have for SD15. Now for the kicker, BM is so stubborn on this she gave up any visitation with her son so that DH could not have regular visitation with his daughter.

What kind of mother does this. Does she not realize that he is 13 now and if she has nothing set in stone to see him, he won't do it. She did refuse to give him up until Sunday evening at 6:00 PM. She wanted one last week with him. DH said fine. The lawyers called the judge and told him they settled.

So that is it. Her lawyer told our lawyer she was devastated. If she had settled this when DH offered to, she would have had regular visitation. But, she was stubborn and wanted to play it out with the judge. We saved over 18K by this last night. Our lawyer felt we would have had to pay all her legal fees since we changed everything by wanting SS after the mediation which settled the SD. So that is why we gave up the CS. It never would have balanced out. It was never about the money, it was about making her write a check every month so she didn't forget what she started.

The sad thing is that none of this had to be this way. She could have tried to parent with DH instead of undermining him. Now she has lost her son and DH has lost his daughter. BM will never have a relationship with SS, beyond the occasional dinner. He has always hated her type of vacations, so that will probably never happen. He hates his room there, hates his sister. She lost her son and she caused it.

On a karma note, I lost a child in Jan 2000, he would almost be my SS age. I have distanced myself from him because I never wanted to be accused of trying to fill my son's shoes. So maybe someone wants me to have a little back of what I lost.

I know with my and DH's parenting, this kid will be fine. He has A's and B's now and remarks all the time, that he doesn't need to study, but can you imagine if he did. He told me in the car the other day, that he knew if I was his son, he would have to get A's. I explained that yes he would, but only because he is capable of them. He said he knew he was, he just didn't feel like it most of the time. We talked about the importance of them for college and whatever job he wants. He was funny in that he knows he is capable, but no one ever seemed to care but Dad. He knew he needed consistency to get them. He said that was one reason he wanted to be with us all the time. Because we cared about this "stuff".

This kid needs a mother. The one he has doesn't appreciate him or understand him. DH has not pushed this on me at all. The nice thing is now, I don't have to worry about overstepping here anymore. She can never accuse me of things again and have a leg to stand on. When this all started, I was accused of not being maternal towards her daughter. Then I was accused of being the evil stepmother giving them too many rules. I was burned every way I turned.

Well Witch!!! How are all those rules working for you now? Your son likes structure and guidance and now that is what he will have. Lets see in 5 years where all these kids are? The one who has no rules and the ones that do? I bet our boys are in good colleges and on to successful lives. And SD well who knows...

I did make sure that DH's lawyers were sure that we had no financial or legal culpability if SD15 kills someone or gets pregnant. Apparently along with everything else, she has been getting drunk since 14 and is now driving. As long as we do not have physical of legal custody of her at the time she does anything, we can not be held responsible. I would still like that in writing, but DH says that the lawyers say it is not necessary since we will have a document that states she is not in our custody.

Well now hopefully some of the drama in my life will subside. SS will be here permanently after Sunday and we could move on with our lives. The only kink is that SD and BM still live in the subdivision across the street. How tacky would it be to offer to buy her house to force her to move???? With the market what they are, it would make another good rental property and I would stop running into her on my walks with the dogs....A girl can only dream!!!

Thanks for the support. And for those that wanted to argue with me yesterday. I am still adamant about SD's hair color not happening in my house. Good thing is I don't have to actually take a teenager kicking and screaming to the hair salon this afternoon. I don't ever have to have that child in my house again...