I talked to BF about the revelation I had about wanting a baby and the question he had asked me. We talked about it briefly, then avoid the topic for awhile. He seems confused about my sudden change of heart - or rather MIND. (I do want a baby it's just not logical)

I told him out right that I didn't want one any more, he asked if it was off the plate completely and I told him we could reevaluate it again in a year or so. When he asked why I told him that I just didn't think we were on the same 'parenting' page. He fired back with "But I love the way you parent the boys." And I sighed and explained that I didn't like the way he parented. He told me that I knew if we had a baby he would be the push over. I had to explain that I knew I would be in charge of a lot because he works hard, but I don't want to play the bad guy ALL the time.

The best example was tonight after BM dropped the kids off. SS4 was not feeling well and I got up and snatched him up. I told BF that I was going to go lay him down and be the 'good' guy for once. Adding that I never get to 'mother' him. When I got back BF asked what that was all about I just explained. I never get to be the good guy, I am always pushing SS4 that is why he and I don't like each other very much. BF was like no he likes you, I just gave him the look. SS4 never comes near me (unless I am the only one there to help him) and we don't 'hang out' but he needs to be pushed I don't regret it with him but I will not have this role with my own child.

And after all that. BF told the boys they could watch 2 shows then they had to turn TV off, well too shows were over and SS6 begged for another BF turned to me and was like we'll ask 'SisterNeko', I refused to answer. I was not going to be the bad guy when BF already set the rules, after ward I called him over to me and said don't do that again. Put me on the spot like that. ugh. He walked away in a state of shock.

And to top it off BF is still trying to get me to go to school stuff. There is an open house and I told him he really should go and meet the teachers, he added that yes WE should try to go. So I can see that I am going to have to have THAT talk with him again.

I will never admit this to her but I kind of see why BM may have been so frustrated. BF loves kids but he just wants to do the fun stuff. He is not into doctor visits or school stuff. He doesn't want to make decisions for them. He doesn't want to be the 'bad guy'. Even tonight after talking about see the boys all day they got here and I go out to check on them (boy were wrestling in the living room) and BF was in SS6's room watching tv while they watched in the living room. I had to run him out and tell him I thought you wanted to spend time with the boys? It's one thing for me to go in the other room - THEY are not MINE! And I don't claim to miss them.

I know he is not going to change - and as much as I vent about him, he is a great guy. He is just so damn passive aggressive. (told him that too this weekend) Even now after I snipped at him he is just like avoiding me rather than talking about it.