Being a good stepmon is it possible
How do I go about being a good step mom in the eyes of DH? I tried being friendly I did set my rules on SS5 just like I do on my bio sons. But that's being mean to SS5. So just letting SS5 do what SS5 wants and telling my bio sons not to play poke SS5 because SS5 says ouch he hit me.SS5 always wants to play with his step brothers and they want to get away from SS5 so they don't get in trouble. If it does not go in SS5 way he is pissed and starts throwing a crying fit. The kids can't even play go fish SS5 has to win or he gets mad and won't play. So DH tells his step sons not to touch SS5 keep your hands to your selves. Its like SS5 sets the rules for the kids. DH says don't touch SS5 give SS5 what he wants or else he cries and runs to daddy he won't give it to me, just ignore SS5 so we won't have to hear him whine and complain about everything and I mean everything. So how do I go about telling my kids(10,9) this is how we have to behave when SS5 is here. Also how do I act around SS5 do I just throw the rules out the window and tell my kids to cater to SS5 so he won't sit,stand and say "I want to go back to my moms" All because we are so mean to SS5 that I have rules and at BM's house SS5 rules there.
I'm just so frustrated about all this. Its easy for my DH because he does not have to deal with my exh he is out of the picture and DH follows my rules for my bio sons
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well i would talk to him.
well i would talk to him. Really talk to him and tell him that what is going on with SS5 is not acceptable. That you cannot cater to the child and let the other children who are in the home full time see that because SS5 only comes on weekends that he gets special privileges. It really is not fair to them as I am sure you know. If you don't nip this in the bud now it will only get worse. You run the risk of him not respecting you. I know its hard but you have to have a heart to heart with your DH about the situation. He may not want to hear what you have to say but he needs to. Good luck.
Thank you.Yes I do all the
Thank you.Yes I do all the care taking for all four(4) kids my three and his that was during the summer DH works nights. But on the weekends I let him deal with it DH does not like dealing with them fighting and blames my bio sons for making my SS5 get pissed and crying while I'm taking care of DD 7 months or cooking. I don't budge at all
I think this is a common
I think this is a common thing that happens, especially if SS5 is the only child at his mother's house. You and your DH NEED to come to a common parenting ground with him. You can't have a separate set of rules for your kids and his kid because they will all just learn to manipulate that, it will cause a ton of resentment between the kids.
I always put it this way: EVERYONE learns that there are different rules depending where you go. You have a dress code to follow when you go to school or a workplace, and they differ for every place. You don't run around screaming in a library or a courthouse. You don't ride down the bannister in a museum. Different rules everywhere you go, why is this any different? If you stay consistent at your home, SS will learn one day how he needs to act at your house.
My SS4 is a different child in BM's presence. He is wild, violent, he screams like crazy....basically BM must be the worst neighbor to have (in an apt complex). At our house he does NONE of that -- well okay sometimes he forgets -- but he's much more subdued because we are consistent with him that he doesn't act like that in our home.
You said that DH "follows
You said that DH "follows your rules for your biosons" and DH has it "easy."
Sooo...do you "follow DH's rules for SS?"
You said "you have rules" and I can't help but wonder... are you referring to YOUR rules or your DH's rules?