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What am I getting myself into?

mm727's picture

Submitted by mm727 on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 3:55pm

Hello Everyone,
So here's my story... I'm about to get engaged to a man who has a 14 year old boy. I have one child of my own who is 10. The more I get to know this child the more I can't stand him. His mom left him a few years ago, got married had another child and didnt care to talk to him anymore. Not to mention was abusive to him when she was in the picture.So my Fiance to be has raised him out of guilt.Which made him a spoiled brat that doesn't appreciate anything.(not to mention got most of his mom's genes which makes him all around anoying) I feel like there's a divide between my Fiance to be because I refuse to Cater to that child, or feel sorry for him. My daughter, Fiance and I get along great.but as soon as ss to be comes around,he has something bad to say, or finds a way to bring us down. We dont live together yet,but ss is with me majority of the time because he goes to school in my district. He has been with me about two weeks and he is driving me crazy. I dont like him. I never thought I could not like a child. I have no desire to be anything to him... I've told my Fiance how I feel,but I put it in nicer terms for the sake of his feelings... I look at all of your stories and I'm wondering if this is for me? It seems like it never ends or gets worse. SS bio mom doesn't even have to put up with him why should I? Honestly I wouldn't want him either. I feel so guilty for having these thoughts... I love my Fiance to be dearly... But I still have a choice, this child doesn't have to be in my life forever. I'm so confused.

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momSterto3abd3's picture

Submitted by momSterto3abd3 on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 4:54pm

Hi mm727-welcome to StepTalk! Perhaps the topic has to be addressed without the kid gloves? the choice is yours; being a SP is no easy task. If DF(darling fiance)has been raising this child by himself with no support from SS's BM? You've got to appear united if you want to marry your beloved. I found the site as I found myself in the care of my SS13; for 15+ hours a day, 6 weeks straight.
Without going into all the details? SS13 is the youngest of 3, BM is a working, functioning alcoholic. No follow thru pertaining to medical care unless that kid's dying. They live 3000 miles away on the East coast. I too, thought I would ever not like a child being I'm a BM of 3. My darlings are no angels; but I can say with confidence? My BIO kids are pretty awesome. I found the site and it is a relief to know I can come here, vent, comment & get advice on how to navigate the choppy waters of being a step parent. But, yes;
I could actually say I dislike the behaviors of SS13 and I did explain to DH that if SS13 wants to come live with us in 2 years for high school as he stated? I made it very clear that SS13 had better be on meds or followed up on being tested for Aspberger's Spectrum or A) he can live with his bloody father but I will not stay married to this man! I never expected to be a step mother but I did choose to marry this man I love dearly. Don't be confused. Talk with your fiance first and foremost. Read our blogs! Vent if you must. The choice is yours ultimately. There are some great tips on how the other members have navigated.
I wish you luck! StepTalk will be here as we all are...and don't feel guilty about how you feel about the SS...it'll come together.