Step Talk

Sadly, whatever the custodial parents wants.
We had originally wanted reciepts for things to make sure that the money was actually going to SS and not accumulating in BMs bank acct, and the judge said absolutely not. The child support was there to help the child lead a happy healthy life, but it was at the sole discretion of the custodial parent how that money was put to use.
Basically it's to make sure the non-custodial parent is helping financially, but there's no way to prove that the money goes to the child...It's BS, really.

CS is all you are to pay...not half of everything AND CS. Your CO states you are to pay X amount of $ each month and that's all. In regards to school pictures, just order your own package seperate from her, don't give her any reason to say she did YOU a favor by paying for something.

You shouldn't have to pay any more than the child support unless you want to. BM shouldn't expect it. In my state each parent pays their share for CS and that is that. My husband doesn't get much CS from BM (she lied in court about her income) One thing that bugs me is people think that the custodial parent is being taken care of because the NCP is paying child support. Believe me that is not the case here. It still costs to put a roof over a child's head, feed, clothe, and pay for all their needs. Believe me my husband and I pay way more than the measly $400.00 per month that BM is ordered to pay. BM only gets the children in the summer. To me it is easier to stroke a check for that amount than it is to actually have the children fulltime. It is an act of Congress for us to be able to go anywhere. We have to pay a babysitter etc..... Sorry in our case no way will we should EVER have to account to BM on how we spend CS. Her CS doesn't even take care of daycare much less any other of the children's needs.

Child Support is BMs beer money. Sad but true - told oldest SD's fiance to take her card and go buy beer. He wouldn't do it. Sad....

It is the step-parents fun money for having to put up the bio-parents BS ......Just kidding!

My understanding is that CS is for supporting the child in the home of the custodial parent. When I looked at the CS worksheets, and it gave the break down of each parent it seems as if they take both the incomes and divided it as if the parent lived together and each part went to support the child in the home of the custodial parent. It goes towards the total care of the child, the roof over their head, the food they eat, and etc.

I would not pay any extra if I did not have to, but as being a custodial step-parent, DH has not seen any CS from the dead-beat BM for over a year and it is very fusterating. I am sorry for your situation

Just b/c she asks for more doesn't mean you have to give up more. All you are legally required to pay is the cs and that is it. However, if you have a little extra, and your skids are playing sports, etc...you really should try to help with that. The cs is designed to cover the actual costs of roof, meals, and clothing. It isn't designed for extra activities. On the flip note, cs is designed to cover "standard of living"...now I know a lot of parents out there don't get what I'm talking about, but for those of you that pay almost $1k per month per kid know that it doesn't cost $1k. Cs is calulated to give the children the same standard of living that they received when the two parents were together. Often times non-cus. parents end up handing over half their paychecks to their former spouse, and their kids really don't see the benefit from that, and that is why so many people are against cs.

If she is nickeling a diming you for every little thing, just don't send the extra you don't want to. You aren't required to pay for school pictures, but if you want some, maybe order your own, that way your not paying $35 for one picture, while bm get's to determine the rest.

I think your situation is that she is spending your dh's money w/o your guys approval first. She signs the skids up for whatever, and hands the bill to you. Set some boundaries if you can, and determine what you think is appropriate. You are not the bad guys b/c you don't feel like buying the kids' clothes when it's really moms spending spree....

Good luck,
Candice

Our children's mom likes to call us at the last second for stuff. It's annoying but she hasn't done it in a long time. Last year though, on Easter morning in fact, she called around 8am EST and she's in CST, she wanted to buy the 3 girls a new trampoline since their's had a rip in the cover and a couple springs missing. She'd told us (him) that it would cost so much to fix the tear and she knows a guy who could do it and maybe fix the springs yaddah, but the fix wouldn't last forever. So she decided on her own to buy them a new one. Mind you it's 8AM in the morning...did she do all that research at 6am?? Nope. She's already done the research and didn't tell us it was broken before but wants money for half! So he sent her the money. She did the same thing a couple months later for $300 in clothes that we had to pay half for. I threw a fit and cried my eyes out to NOT send the money...who do we know what it's for?! I'd LOVE to get proof of what she's buying but I can't do that. She already got him for a ton of CS and then on Aug 1 and Dec 1 we have to pay an extra $300 for school and christmas presents...leaving us nothing to get them...which leads to her telling them to ask us for cell phones and laptops. Thanks a lot chick!

I don't even want to get into the day she got mad at us (him) for not calling when the two oldest (12, 8 ) had surgery. We only knew about the younger one having surgery to fix her septum in her nose. I had to appologize to the older girl when she was with us for our only alloted 3 week in the summer for not calling or caring about her surgery because we had no clue about it at all. The only way we knew about the younger girl was because she TOLD us. We didn't call her because the last thing she needed was to talk to someone on the phone when she needs to be resting. I told the older girl that we just didn't know about it and we were sorry. Both girls had the same surgery a week apart. All we got was the bill. I thought it was about her knee because she was having issues about that.

/rant off

BM gets CS but can't make ends meet...actually takes the swins bday money for groceries & gas -- she told them "someday I'll pay you back.
$100 from each is gone. Best part though is when Swin told me "SCREW YOU" when I told him to buy a bike with your birthday money b.c. he said he had to help his mother who works 2 jobs & goes to school (she doesn't work one job but occasionally bartends under-the-table). Obviously swin blames me for BM predictament. I was shocked but said back to him "SCREW YOU". He cried for hours in the room after & I tried to apologize for upsetting him but he wouldn't look at me. Next day he got over it though but I am shocked at BM taking their $$. Also their electronics go missing from BM's as she resells them. How bizzare is that? But DH says nothing to her. I think the message is clear: she's a lousy mother and DH enables it to continue while I'm the wicked stepmom for thinking its messed up.

My husband has been paying child support for his daughters since they were 13 and 15. Now his oldest daughter is 20 and is taking 12 credits at college. the 20 year old resides away from dorm and has her own apartment,works,bought her own car and car pays for her own car insurance.she is self sufficient.my stepdaughter told my husband that her mother needs the money. even though their divorce papers states she is self supporting the ex wife.the 18 year old also is told not to move out or get a full time job or i will lose your fathers money. My husband hardly makes any money and is left with 400 week.even though I am married to him she is benefiting as though they are still married.I have 2 sons from my former marriage age 15 and 11 who are minors. we know she uses the money on herself hair nails and clothes going to bars and these girls have told me they get nothing,but are still on their mothers side. My husband went to court for a change of circumstances and his daughter was asked by the judge if she received any cash. my step daughter the 20 year old said no but she pays my cell phone bill!!!!! I have had it. We are waiting for a decision if she can become emancipated but from the tone of the judge she told my husband that she doesnt think she will grant it. WHY we have no more money for lawyers.my ex husband stopped paying his support and now that isnt even coming in any more and he has minor children.I am trying to hold onto my house but this woman has money. inheritance. my husband was recently diagnosed with something serious and she knows this and can get him out from the system but she doesnt care.How can people be like this.any suggestions.