Hypothetical: SD 15 goes on a stepkid forum

This is just a thought, an example to say why I think it should be ok to express a differing opinion, as long as it is done respectfully and without the intention to hurt or attack anyone.

Say my SD was still 15 and pissed and found a stepkid forum. Say she tells her story, and how mean I am. How I favor my own, get mad at her, try to put a wedge between her and dad and so on. She leaves out a few "details" (like we all do ) that might explain some of my behavior. Maybe those details seem like no biggie to her, but they are big to me. Say other teen steps commiserate with her and some suggest she get even. Maybe throw some of my stuff away and other stuff teens will do to let you know they really dislike you or even hate you. Say another stepkid posts that maybe those are not good ideas, even though they may feel good; maybe stepmom has a hard time with this situation too, maybe there is a way to try and survive these few years, without disaster.
Now maybe this latter teen is wrong, and nothing can be done, and I am a really wicked stepmom, and all my SD can do is get even and try and remain sane through all this. Still, would this teen with a different perspective be a troll, or someone who is just spoiling the friendly party that is going on? Is it necessarily a stepmom in disguise? Maybe, but maybe not. Should that kid be banned or attacked? Is that opinion not valid,if maybe not applicable to that specific situation?

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Yea, I did not agree with a

Yea, I did not agree with a poster yesterday and she got her panties all in a twist. I was NOT rude, I just did not understand where she was coming from.

There are just a few people on here who think if you don't want to smack the living shit out of ALL skids, then you must be a trolling BM. I DO think that a lot of people leave stuff out. Very important stuff. But you need the real story to help, or try to help. It takes a while to figure out the ones that want help and the ones that just to be told they are right.

"There are just a few people

"There are just a few people on here who think if you don't want to smack the living shit out of ALL skids, then you must be a trolling BM"

I am one who wants to smack the shit out of my drug addict SS and is whack job of an illegal activity BM - HOWEVER, I look forward to hearing stories on here of differing opinions, where Sparents get along with the Skids - it gives me glimmer of hope that not all blended families deal with the insanity that mine does.

I know there are more out there like mine than the other, but it really is refreshing to see when a Sparent loves the Skid to death and doesn't have a lot of issues with them. I'm kind of envious and think, maybe someday when he's 30 - but I doubt it, it takes 2 and he's not willing to change.

PLUS - sometimes when I'm on the ledge full of hate - the other stories and opinions can balance me and talk me off

Agree with this also! We all

Agree with this also! We all have our stories, some I read, some I don't. Some I comment on, but some I don't because I wouldn't be very nice (and I think others need to maybe consider doing that also). Offering another point of view is one thing, but flaming a person for their feelings/beliefs or because they did not handle/are not handling something the same way you would is unnecessary. Then you are judging the person, not the situation at hand.

In a different forum I was personally attacked for saying my skids have never liked me and I'm to the point I don't care because they aren't exactly my faves either. *I* was chastised for not being the adult. *I* was told I wasn't a "good person" for feeling that way because only those who are heartless could dislike a child. That in *her* family, all get along wonderfully and she could never dream of any type of differentiation between her bios and her steps.

So, I think it really is how the response is formulated that makes all the difference in the world. I cringe when I read such accusatory remarks made. As stepparents, aren't we under enough fire as it is in "real life" without having to face it in the one place we feel free to vent?

"So, I think it really is how

"So, I think it really is how the response is formulated that makes all the difference in the world"
Yes, and I am trying to be better at that.

oops, this meant as an answer

oops, this meant as an answer to the post above, about teens having FB as an outlet.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I know they do have their outlets and they vent big time and nastily too. I am not implying that they need to be heard. I am just attempting to explain why I think that there is nothing implicitly wrong with expressing a differing opinion, even in a venting forum. What I am getting better at discerning, is when people are just venting and not looking for insight, and when they welcome other's imput. But I also worry sometimes that if we suggest to someone that they react harshly, without knowing for sure all that goes on, some may just go ahead and go just a little too far and then we are not there to see and suffer the consequences of that.

Some of the advice is great,

Some of the advice is great, but what worries me is that I am afraid that someone will actually take some of the horrible advice from here and do it in real life. I know one actually took a terrible saying here and (in a terrible rage) accidentally called the skid that terrible name for skid that some use here. Almost got a divorce, but I hope she is better. I try to think before I post and some don’t.

I know that one SM was advised to shave her young SD’s head and send her back to BM like that. One was told to harass the skid until the skid became unstable. That is just a few, there are many more.

Those are all good in theory

Those are all good in theory fantasies spewed out in range over what life becomes in these situations.

For someone actually to follow through with some of the stuff we vent on here that we'd like to do? That would be just as bad as what some of the BMs and quite frankly - somewhat unstable of a person to do it. Not judging here, just pointing out.

I would like to take his ex-heffer, tie her to the back of my truck and drag her through the streets, but I wouldn't actually do it. The venting of what would be nice to do eases the built up anger on the inside. If I actually did, then I'm just as crazy as that bitch.

Would a pig roaster work, I

Would a pig roaster work, I have one you can borrow? Yes, I think a bonfire would be quite nice

I think you misunderstood,

I think you misunderstood, let me clarify, I'm talking about the actual DOING, not blurting out names or sayings. It is human nature to turn off our internal editors in the heat of a very emotional and frustrating argument. Ive been known to call my drug addict SS "needle tracks, good old death row, your junkie ass son, the product of the biggest mistake of your life, and my all time favorite that almost ruined my marriage - BMs walking talking crotch rot.

When she said someone was advised to shave SDs head and send her back to
BM like that - I'm sorry but that would be down right unstable. Anything of a physical nature or even tormenting the skid until they lost it. I'm not generalizing or profiling here just honestly think someone getting so beyond reality that they would shave a girls head based on a forum put it in their head - really needs help.

And yes, I've been here a week, but was also a member for about 1 1/2 years prior, when I left a year ago due to the drama. Quick question- have you always had the 2 at the end of your user name or did you used to go by just Katrinkie? If you are one in the same, then I do remember your story. If you are the former, you used to give me some pretty level headed and helpful advice.

And there goes the troll

And there goes the troll calling.
Passive aggressive; more like trying not to reply aagressively, because I would actually like to be heard. So I have not responded in kind to some pretty aggressive/ dismissive posts , and it has not been easy for me. So when you can't call me rude and aggressive , I am dismissed for "being passive aggressive" and again a "troll" and most likely a BM. I wish you could see how unfair of a discussion this is. Stepaside has offered some really good perspective and so have a few others. Then there are those who think it's ok to treat people the way you treat me.

Can't we all just get along?

Personally I think the

Personally I think the differing opinions (said with respect as other poster mentioned) are IMPORTANT to how this forum becomes a useful tool.

It is sooo very easy to wrap your anger around you and wear it like a shield. The problem with that is - sometimes we are wrong too.

Being a stepkid myself I know how it feels to be treated as the unwanted guest in the house for Dad's weekends. I also know how I used to fantasize about running away to my Dad's when my mom was being hard on me (normal teen crap) - until the time mom called my bluff. "if you want to live with your dad and step-mom - I will drive you over there." GASP! I didn't want that!

But sometimes in our efforts to BE THE ADULT!!! it can feel that we are striving to ALWAYS BE RIGHT! which honestly just isn't ever going to happen. I'm not suggesting you let Skids walk all over you - but hell I wouldn't let my bio-kids walk all over me either.

I've always said: if my children (bio and step) aren't slamming doors and getting mad at me occasionally I must not be doing a very good job parenting. So every time the stomp up/down the stairs because I've given them a limit or chore, I smile inside. When they grow into well adjusted normal adults - that will be time enough to be their friend.

Good luck to us all!

I like what you said here. I

I like what you said here. I also agree not to let the stepkids walk all over you, but honestly seeing our mistakes too and being able to cop to them, can go a long way toward a better relationship.
Here is a real example of my life:
SD: " Why did you go tell my dad what I wrote on FB? You just want to make trouble!!!! Everything was better before you came into the picture"

I could have said I did it because dad should know and I am looking out for her long term best interest. And in some cases, with some step parents, that would have been completely true. My SD would have said it's BS.
I could have said that she has it coming little Bit@@ that she is, and that I am going to make her life hell if she does not stop treating me like this. That would have had some truth in it, but nothing good could have come from it.
What I did say, thank God I did, was that well, yeah on one hand I am concerned about her and what she is disclosing in public(FB) and that I thought her dad should know, but I also have some pretty conflicted feelings about her right now and her treatment of me does affect me and I am only human.
SD heard that. It was the truth. And I think that a certain age, which differs from kid to kid, that kind of truth is important and helpful. And by this I am not advocating treating your kids like friends or confiding in them, so please don't accuse me of that. What I am saying, which I think helps parenting your own teens and your stepteens, is that they won't go for half truths or cloaking of any kind. Some of them, particularly your own, are just finding out that you are not perfect and that you have problems too and that is hard enough; it's even harder if we insist that in fact we are doing nothing wrong.

I don't think I am doing

I don't think I am doing that, although some of the behavior I have seen, isn't all that much more mature.
Please just take an honest look at what I am trying to say here. If I am not clear, I can try again, but I don't want to defend what I am saying as if I was in court, with a clever lawyer that knows how to argue. I am not trying to argue. It would go a long way if at some point, one could give credit where it is due.

Maux, you want to fight and I

Maux, you want to fight and I don't think you fight fair. I feel like my words just go in one ear and out the other, and maybe the only thing that you hold on to is a word here and there that you can use against me. I am all for someone taking what I said and taking the time to point out what rang true and what did not, and how I missed something. Just writing an accusatory or dismissive sentence, shows me that you are not willing to even consider what I have to say. In which case, why bother addressing me?

You have not given me a

You have not given me a differing opinion in your last 3 posts. You have not given any opinion at all. If you had, we would have something to talk about. You have just picked at me. Look, I think you and I just speak a different language. There is not point in just bickering now. If you want to address any points and give your input, please do, but it isn't going anywhere the way it's going now.

Maybe it was an innocent

Maybe it was an innocent question. It did not seem like it, because you put that "really" in there. But that's ok.

I didn't read it as an

I didn't read it as an innocent question. It appeared to be antagonistic.

Maux, I like your questions

Maux, I like your questions and I like that they have purpose. I think our SDs should get together and vent to each other. Maybe they will implode.

I guess I did not address

I guess I did not address that because I did not see how I had made that comparison. No, they are not the same, I agree with that. The analogy was not about a 15 year old and what they bring to the plate, and an adult. The analogy was merely about how someone, in both "forums" could offer a way of looking at things that may lead to less damage. That is where my analogy stopped. If Hypothetical SD15 felt encouraged by her supporters to go after me, it would not have helped any of us. It was an example of a situation that may have some parallel issues, without being the same.

Very well stated. Your post

Very well stated.
Your post has given me something to think about...

personaly im all for the kid

personaly im all for the kid to have a place to vent but there needs to be a guidance from a psychologist or someone sane in charge. the internet is not the way for kids. to many kids out there are way to impressionable plus those other kids who are just as screwed up will teach others things that are not right and morally wrong.think about it out of all the suggestions only one said maybe she having issues too and stressed out. the majority was attack attack attack.so not cool.