Like so many other I have seen I am new here, as well as relatively new to the whole SM thing. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be one big happy family, me, him, my DD and his two children. Now it is just one big disaster. Maybe it is my fault and I should have seen this coming. Back in the beginning of our relationship his ex was always calling, over nothing, not even the kids. They were fighting all the time. He, at the time, had custody of the kids; whenever they wouldn’t listen to her he would go to her house to discipline them for her. Bare with me while I explain just a little part of it.

Eventually I told him I felt like this relationship was getting crowded, and I won’t be in a three person relationship. If she calls about the kids it is one thing, but why is she constantly calling about other stuff? Correct me if I am wrong, but why can’t she discipline her own kids when she has them? I have never called my ex husband when my DD is talking back or refusing to behave, and he doesn’t call me when he has her. Now, he did stop running to her aid, and he told her she doesn’t need to call or text him unless it has something to do with the kids and something important, she doesn’t need to inform him of every little thing. I thought that would be good enough, boy was I wrong.

When he had custody it was temporary until she got her act together. Now she has the kids back, and things have not gotten better. She has taken him to court for more child support three times since January. In PA you can go every three months, fabulous. You know I have never taken my ex to court for anything. We used a mediator for our divorce and he offered me a number for child support and I accepted. I didn’t ask for alimony or attempt to take half of his retirement or anything. I work full time; I have my own retirement, benefits, and pay all my own bills. The child support was solely his way of supporting our DD, and I never asked for help from him outside of that. Anyway, BM, who is jobless now, was working as a bartender and actually asked my DH to come to the bar and protect her from being harassed by the men she is serving. He told her that he wants nothing to do with her or her personal life. Fine, that’s great, but what made her think she could ask that in the first place. I told him this is his fault; he created a pattern of behavior. Of course I get the, she is the mother of my children, she needs to communicate with me, or I can’t control what she does. No, you can’t control her but you can control the effect that she has over us and our lives.

The skids flat out disrespect me all the time. I try my best to not to have to ever discipline them. I leave that up to him. They will look me in the eye and continue doing what they are doing like I never opened my mouth. Example, we just moved into a new house, so the last weekend we had them everything was still being put away. We set up an air mattress in the living room for them to sleep on this time around. Everything was fine, the second my DH went upstairs all heck broke out. They started running and screaming and jumping on the air mattress. Both I and my DD12 told them to stop jumping on the air mattress it would break. Then DH comes down demanding to know what was going on. Of course SS7 and SD5 lied to him, then he asked us and we told him, they got put on time out. I want them to listen but I fear me being put on the spot like that and forced to tell on them is not going to help my cause in the future. You know, my DD is 12, I had her when I was 18, so I became a parent a lot younger then DH and his ex. Yet, I don’t see my child acting like this, nor has she ever disrespected either of her step parents. I am actually impressed with the relationship she and her SM have, and she and DH text all the time. I am very proud of how she has adapted and excelled her new situation, especially at such a vulnerable age. At the same time I never talk ill about either her BF or SM, and I know they don’t talk bad about me either, I am sure that helps.

In the mean time SD informs me constantly that DH was married to BM first. Then SS constantly says everything in the house belongs to his dad. Well, guess what. Every piece of furniture and electronic in that house, is mine, it was mine long before we moved into together, and I pay all the bills, including the house itself. Why is that? Oh yeah, because BM is living off of almost have of his income. Needless to say, she doesn’t have a job and she lives at home still.

My big concern is, I am pregnant, we decided to have a baby together. I am due August 26th, and I don’t want his kids around the baby. I don’t trust them, especially SD. She is very mean and conniving and I am afraid she will hurt the baby given the chance. I learned just how conniving when I was walking by my DD’s room and SD was in there. She wanted to use her makeup and DD said no. SD said if she didn’t let her, she go tell DH that DD hurt her. Does anyone else see the major problem there? DH husband can’t even sit next to me when she is around, what is it going to be like when he is holding the baby? How do I bring this up to him? I love him so much, but if I would have known it was going to be like this with his kids and ex, I would have kept walking. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to fight but I am tired of being uncomfortable in my own home.