You are here

  • Home
  • Blogs
  • Willow2010's blog
  • Do you have feelings for the father of your child...? Or do you think your DH has feelings for the mother of his child.

Do you have feelings for the father of your child...? Or do you think your DH has feelings for the mother of his child.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 1:28pm

Do you ever think your DH has some strange deep feeling left over for BM? I sometimes do and it drives me crazy. Right now SS it trying to get DH BM and SS (and maybe his SD) to have a family day, a few months down the road. DH says he doesn’t want to do it, but will since SS (who is freaking 18) wants him too. Its all about SS don’t cha know. I won’t be there due to work.

I have an issue with this and DH does not understand. He also made the comment about how he does not understand why I dislike BM as much as I do. I had to walk off from that because I was going to explode. We are now on day two of not talking.

WTH…? I have watched this cow, alienate SS, talk about how terrible DH is as a father and human. Just awful ,awful things. Especially in the last 6 months.

I will tell him…”DH, I have heard you call BM every name in the book, I have listen to you talk once, about you hoped someone would put a bullet in her head. (tongue n cheek of course). I have listen to you bitch and moan about how terrible she is, yet, I’m supposed to LIKE her…? Are you out of your F ING mind? “
What does this mean? How can he be so stupid? We have not had BM issues in a LONG time, and now it is rearing it ugly ass head again. GRRRR!

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 1:38pm

Why are they negotiating a family day? Family days are for families. They aren't a family any more.

No, I don't worry that DH has feelings for his exes. See, his
kids are his main priority and he has no use for anyone he considers to be a shitty mom. BM1 and BM2 are aweful people in general, and BM3 knows how to be a good mom but refuses to do it. Incredibly self centered woman. He finds a reason to be absent whenever she is around. She came over a few months ago and bragged about cheating on her SO, and since then he refuses to have anything to do with her.

SoTired1's picture

Submitted by SoTired1 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:51pm

Wow!!!! I thought '2' BMs was bad but '3' girlll you're more woman than me. Fortunately, my DH only has 1-BM that gives him drama because he only has 1-minor child remaining to raise that he had out of wedlock. As for his adult daughter, her BM never really gave DH drama & perhaps it's because she didn't want my DH to seek the truth for paternity.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 1:39pm

bm is not your dh's family. you and ss are. ss is trying to "reunite" his previous family. if my dh insisted on doing it (and i wouldn't care if he had a GREAT relationship with his ex), his bags would be packed when he got home, and that ain't no lie. he wants to have a "family day" with his ex? as far as i'd be concerned, he could just move in with her "for ss".

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 1:43pm

Let me clarify….”family day” is my word. It is going to be a military graduation and SS said that he wants everyone to hang out all day with him. I am the one that tagged it “family day”

SoTired1's picture

Submitted by SoTired1 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 3:04pm

SS18 wants everyone to hang out all day but it's excluding you at the same time; I don't think so. I still say SS is disrespecting you, your DH & your marriage to DH making/wanting such an unusual request. I mean the kid is not normal; he should want to hang out & party with his friends instead of trying to cause havoc in his BD's marriage.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 1:46pm

I can understand him wanting both of his parents at his graduation, but there's no reason to have to make a day of it. He can hang out with BM that day & come hang out with his dad another day.

Honestly, why the need for the two of them to hang out with him on the same day?

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 1:52pm

Honestly, why the need for the two of them to hang out with him on the same day?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Exactly! DH is firm that he is doing this for his son. Blech!

I don’t know if it is because SS is leaving soon, but DH is acting like a weird o where SS is concerned. He is starting to treat SS like he is 5 years old again.

SoTired1's picture

Submitted by SoTired1 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 3:13pm

I agree with you about her DH being an a$$ but 'selfish-a$$' continues to come to my mind for me about her DH. Trust me, if the shoe were reversed he would be livid & hurt that his DW would consider going & without him. It's one thing for him to attend his son's graduation but spending the whole day together as a whole (family) is nonsense & disrespectful to her & their marriage. He needs to handle this situation better than how he has chosen to do so.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:13pm

I don't know.. since it's his graduation, I can understand why he would want both parents there and why your DH would feel obligated to go. It just totally sucks that you can't go too. Wasn't there a poster on here recently who's DH didn't go to his sons graduation because they thought that SM was not invited and there was a dang nuclear holocaust fall out on that one?

I don't know if I have an answer other than IF your DH does go without you, I totally understand how annoyed, hurt, etc that you would be, but I'm CERTAIN he would not be going to spend quality time with BM. I would look at it more as doing his fatherly "duty"

Maybe this could be good practice for when SS gets married down the road (if that's a possibility) Y'all would have to have a "family day" for that too.

Sorry Willow, I would be pissed too, but I would expect my DH to at least make an appearance. Because if he didn't I would be the one to get the blame for that!

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:14pm

Oh..don’t get me wrong. There is no way in the world DH would miss this. Nor would I want him too! I just don’t get the whole thing about them hanging out together ALL day and night. It is annoying!

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:17pm

LOL! I agree. But no, DH is going to hang out with the woman that just told him less than a month ago, that he is a bad father ect, ect, ect. And yes...SS knows all of this and still pushing them together.

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:30pm

In one on the many step parent books I have read. This woman raised her step sons since they were very young, their bio mom only saw them about once a year.

But when she went to visit him at college he had a picture of his bio mom and dad on the night stand next to his bed. The mom is the mom.

Of all the books I have read, this has stayed with me the most. No matter how much we love the skids, sacrifice our time, money, and care for them. The bio mom is always #1. Even if she is a piece of crap. This reminds me of my role and not to cross the healthy boundaries I have set.

I agree with everyone else make an appearance and get the heck out of Dodge! My FH only has disdain for his ex. She is trash.

SoTired1's picture

Submitted by SoTired1 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:38pm

Girlllll!!!!! This is straight up wrong & such bullcrap. I would be very concerned about your DH's feelings for his ex if I were you. He should have no interest in [family day or any day that include his ex]. OOHH!!!! I would be livid & I would have given him an ultimatum (& I don't believe in ultimatums, but in this case it's so needed). He would have to chose 'our marriage' or playing family with a 'biatch' he's no longer in a relationship with. Girl the nerve of him to even expect you to tolerate this blatant disrespct; and, as for SS18, he knows exactly what he's doing & I wouldn't have any further words or dealings with his little a$$! Your DH sounds like he's confused with his feelings for his ex. Another problem I have with him is that he used derogatory words when referencing his BS18's BM [that's just wrong in so many ways]. No matter what he should never stoop so low (she's the mother of his son). It's BM now & later DH may resort to referencing you in such derogatory ways [because you've angered him,smh]. My apologies for what you're going through as this is so unnecessary; best wishes to you. Sad

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 2:49pm

Thanks all! This is just SOOO out of the norm for him and it is annoying the crap out of me.

SoTired1's picture

Submitted by SoTired1 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 3:29pm

After reading your additional comment clarifying [family day]. I can imagine your being annoyed (justified), but this too shall pass. Perhaps, you should go out with friends that evening or visit with relatives/friends. You'll be surprised but I betcha he won't hang out the entire evening with them. What I'm going to do for you is pray to God that He place a monkey-wrench in SS's plans that results in your DH attending the graduation ceremony only. Prayer changes things so I hope you'll pray as well. Smile

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 6:21pm

I will step out on a limb here and risk speaking for my bride. She has ZERO feelings for the SpermIdiot. She does however regret that he is as big of an idiot and worthless POS as he is. She would like to see him be more of an example to our/his son and the three younger also OOWL spawn by two other mothers.

She also would like some recognition from the SpermIdiot and the rest of the SpermClan of her accomplishments as a mother and even as a graduate degreed professional. She started her parenting adventure as a 16yo single teen mom. She has battled the SpermClan, particularly SpermGrandMa, for her entire adult/parent life. When she moved out of state after HS graduation to attend college and took the kid with her they said nothing. However,SpermGrandMa and the SpermIdiots sister (we actually like her) started taking accounting classes at the local Shemegma Community College once they learned that my wife declared her major as accounting. They quit after a class or two and my wife went on to a dual major BS in Acct/Mgt with honors, an MBA with honors and is now a CPA.

For 17yrs very time SpermGrandMa called to set up visitation travel she would throw out "so, you have your AS in accounting now right?" Personally I think that she is just too much of an F-in idiot to have a clue about the difference between an AS, BS and MBA but my wife is convinced that she is just doing it to be insulting.

As for my feelings for my XW, I have no spawn with my XW but even if I did the only desires I would have for my XW would be to piss on her leg every time she was within range unless of course she was on fire in which case I would fan the flames and add some gasoline. Don't get me wrong. My XW was HOT but she proved herself to be so morally detestible and of no redeeming character to the point that I would have zero interest in her if she threw herself at me butt neked every time I saw her.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sat, 07/09/2011 - 3:00am

What an entertaining thread! My own DH has feelings for his ex similar to the last para of Rags tirade about his ex. His frequent refrain at the constant bouts of ridiculous and stressful drama that go on are "Why, oh why did I ever marry her? Oh God, etc etc." His memory of the years with her is very patchy - he claims to have blotted it all out, and I honestly think he just thinks of her as a huge mistake he made in his youth.
My ex, is a bit different - I loved him very much but he treated me miserably for the last 10 years we were together (24 in all) however for much of that he wasn't well and some of it I can understand, though not all. We get on very well now, talk on the phone about once a month - we don't need to as our daughters are late 20's, but enjoy speaking to each other. He recently offered me a place to run to, as I was scared one of my SDs was going to move in! I was a bit taken aback, but touched that he made the offer. He has been on his own since we split 9 years ago. I think he still loves me and is sorry for how he behaved. But I don't think I'd ever go back.