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)T-FUNERAL IN THE FAMILY

SMto5's picture

Submitted by SMto5 on Sat, 04/30/2011 - 2:01am

Hi Fellow Steptalkers, haven't been on in awhile, but sad to say the inevitable has happened today. There was a death in my DH's family. My SIL passed away this morning. I feel bad cause all I can think about is I am going to have to deal with BM for aleast a few days. I've been with DH for 8 years and have only been in the same room with BM twice....and both times was a public place...a nightclub. I can't stand this women, she has brought me nothing but trouble. AND STILL DOES TO THIS DAY! She hates me! I know now isn't the time to be thinking about myself. But just the thought of being in the same room as her makes me shake all over.....I suffer from panic attacks/anxiety. How do I handle being near her? What if she tries to approach DH. He hasn't spoke to her in 2 years. All communication is done through the Step-children only...all teenagers. And I hear she has lost some weight....and of course I have gained. How do I handle this??

Comments

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Sat, 04/30/2011 - 9:23am

I feel for you, as I had to deal with SIL spite and BM presence ad naseum too. Remember this: all their crap is meaningless. YOU are now the cherished wife. BM is nothing. She can insert herself a million different ways and it won't change the facts. It's rather pathetic and loser-like to behave in such a way.

Look good, carry yourself with dignity, and like the others said, take a xanax and leave if you don't feel like staying. What a relief it was when I realized that I don't have to endure any situation that is painful or uncomfortable or boring or whatever, I can just leave. We must be all be well trained or something to put up with bad scenes, like it's required or it's our fault if we're not happy with it.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Sat, 04/30/2011 - 4:19pm

i feel horrible for you, what a shitty situation... i think every one made extremely good points/comments except stepdown.

my husbands best friend since childhood was murdered a few years ago and bm showed up at the funeral.... dh's exact words were "why the fuck is she here?" and i could see the disgust on his face and how sincerely disrespected he felt.. bm had no business being there, she just showed up to still appear to be part of the "family". dh's cousin's were super cool and stood by me, but mil & sil were right there sucking her ass. thankfully bm left after she had her ass sucked clean after the service and did not show up at the cemetery or the lunch afterwards.

best advice is take a xanax and have an exit plan. is there someone that can go with you and leave with you if you need to?? kinda like the designated driver?

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Sat, 04/30/2011 - 7:07pm

As usual you are spot on right SF - SMto5 should have some support there that day and I am also of the belief that if someone in my DH's family dies - BM has absolutely no right to be there - and I am sorry that your MIL and SIL feel it is okay to suck BM's a** - that so sucks for you!!!

SMto5's picture

Submitted by SMto5 on Tue, 05/03/2011 - 1:54am

Thanks everyone for comments and shared stories. I have voiced my concern's to my DH and has assured me that he will do everything he can to make things "go smooth" DH says we will both excuse ourselfs and leave while BM is there. He also says he can't bear to be around her either and the thought of being around her makes him uncomfortable as well. Maybe we'll go get a cup a coffee at a near by resturant until she leaves. He doesn't want to deal with her at a time like this. Knowing her she will do something to cause attention to herself. He isn't really sure if she will even show up. DH hasn't asked SKs if she is coming, but my bet is yeah she'll be there. Just like STEPASIDE says "demanding to be involved in a family that they no longer have ties with"
So, hopefully she will go show her "respects" and leave!!!

SMto5's picture

Submitted by SMto5 on Wed, 05/04/2011 - 2:33pm

StepASide you have made a very good point. Why would you show your face at someone's funeral, who you barely spoke to while they were alive. Almost like mocking the person. Wouldn't you say??
I am going to keep this in mind, incase it comes up in the next couple of days. If one of the other siblings should mention that BM wants to or is coming to the funeral, which isn't until friday May 6th.