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nervous about taking SS on vacation...

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 2:11pm

DH and I only have SS on weekends but the CO specifies that we are allowed to take him on vacation when he is on break from school. We have never actually taken SS on vacation, mainly because he is about to turn 4 and up until recently taking him ANYWHERE was such a hassle! Even going out to dinner would turn into a huge ordeal, but now that he is behaving better DH is considering it. We just got back from the beach about a month ago, and as soon as we got back he mentioned that he wanted to take SS with us next time. I don't have a problem w this, but I don't want this to set a precedent which would require us to take SS with us on ALL future vacations. I don't really know how to approach DH about this, anytime I want to do something that will not include SS he takes it personally, like I don't want to be around SS when the truth is I just really look forward to the small amount of time that DH and I get ALONE. He works 6 days a week, from 8 AM to 8 PM and his one day off a week (Sunday) is taken up by SS. I feel like we have a pretty good routine and I am not complaining, but when we go on vacation I just really need that alone time. I am also worried because DH and I are not the type of people who lay on the beach and sun bathe, we love to wake up early and go sightseeing and trying new foods, etc, which I know will be impossible w SS there. I guess my question is, how do I go about talking to DH about this so that he understands that I need alone time w him and not that I don't want SS around?? How do I make sure him coming on vacation with us does not become and EVERY TIME thing??

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 3:34pm

I can understand the guilt of being a parent and leaving a child behind. The dynamics are different with you as opposed to him vacationing with the BM. In the first scenario (you and him) he is off on his time having fun with you when he could be incuding his son. In the 2nd scenario they would have been a team having a break from the daily grind and the kids would be with some loving grandparent of aunt.

So what to do?

How about telling your husband that you like kid-friendly vacations and equally as importantly adult-friendly vacations where you can stay up late, sleep in, drink wine and alcohol and not worry about keeping a child entertained and safe.

I would plan for a kid friendly vacation first. Suffer through a trip to Disney World/Land, Legoland for 5 days. Then the next vacation plan a month later to an adult friendly locale. You can always being the kid back a T Shirt.

And the sweetener for your DH is as his son gets older and his behaviour continues to improve you will certainly include him on more grown up vacations... like when he is 16 (shh!)

I refused to even THINK about going to a nice restaurant with my s/sons until they learnt table manners and how to behave in public.

Also re: the 1 day a week he has his son ... when my s/sons were always around I would mention to my DH that it is a shame they are always here because I can't do half things I would want to do to him if they weren't.

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:05pm

That's a great idea! I think we will definitely do something kid-friendly and then I will plan a vacation that is adult-only! I agree with you about taking kids to restaurants, and I have no idea why we even tried!! FIL insisted on taking us all to dinner and it was a mess, I was so embarassed!! The waiter kept looking at us w pity and when he refered to SS as my son I wanted to say "he's not mine!" LOL! I have also been looking into us changing the CO. When we first put it in place DH was not working as many hours and he used to get off work earlier on Fridays and only have to go to work Sat morning so we originally had SS Fri night and Sat all day so we were able to have Sunday all to ourselves. His schedule changed though and I didn't want to take care of SS by myself (mainly because we ran into BM once and she took him from me but that is a whole different story!) so I was the one who suggested changing it to Sat-Sun instead of Fri-Sat. I am hoping now that SS and I are getting more comfortable being alone together and now that his BM has backed off a bit maybe we can go back to Fri-Sat and I can have my husband back one day a week!

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:12pm

"marriage building get-a-ways" YES!!! That's exactly how I see them and I am going to borrow this when talking to DH!!! I am also kind of hoping that if we take SS on vacation and DH sees how he can't do all of the things he likes to do (wake up early and go sight seeing, etc) he will realize that we need alone vacations just as much as family vacations. I can totally picture DH now: one hour playing w SS in the pool and then trying to pawn him off on me for the rest of the vacation. LOL, yeah right -I'm going to use this time to get my tan on!!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:02pm

This is what we do-we take all the kids on one big vacation then we take several by ourselves. That way we get the family thing and we can get away just the 2 of us. Maybe do this have one vacation a family one and then another that is an adult vacation. When you talk to him about it say adult vacation that way he will understand you want one with the kids. Wink

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:14pm

Yes, I think I will do that. I will probably make sure to mention both and look at possible dates for both so that he knows when I say that we need a vacation alone after out family vacation he doesn't just think "sure, next time" but that he is aware that it is actually going to happen!