My stepdaughter now hates me
I married her father 17 years ago. She accepted me and we had a great relationship. She never lived with us and was grown when I started dating her father. She also loved my daughter. My husband and I have always had a beautiful relationship, and he has treated me like no one ever had. Last summer I caught him doing something that I considered inapproiate and we got into a huge fight and he kiked me out of our home for a few months. Since I have come back home, his daughter and his sister refuses to come to any family dinners at our home, and also refuses to invite me or my child to their home. My husband would go for weeks without talking to his daughter but since all of this they talk 2-3 times a day. Last year for her 40th birthday I made arragements for just my husband and his daughter to go on a trip.This was a trip that my husband and I took every year. Now this year he says we can't go because his daughter wants him to take her again, so he does not want to hurt anyones feelings! She has a husband, and this was a trip for her 40th birthday. My husband seems to go along with her attitude and at Christmas I stayed home by myself. I am mad at all of them, but don't want to loose my husband over this. Any advise?
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Comments
Thanks for the advise but I
Thanks for the advise but I don't want to leave! Life by myself sounds much worse then having to deal with this problem.
Thank You! I am so glad I
Thank You! I am so glad I found his blog. I have felt so alone in all of this.
I am really sorry for you and
I am really sorry for you and this situation. My suggestion is to talk with him, let him know how you feel and try to work together. He needs to take a stand for you. If he does not take the time and listen to you, agree to get help or work on this together, I agree with :;softly spoken.... I am sorry.
I am trying to stay cool, not
I am trying to stay cool, not causing waves hoping it will get old after awhile. Some of you think I'm clinging to a dream? I am trying to keep my marriage. I don't think this is cause to walk away because of her but I need to convince hime to stand up for me. They never had a close relationship until all of this. Stange.
Yes he lied to get me kicked
Yes he lied to get me kicked out!! That is a fact. I guess the trust is gone, but I think just someone to talk to and cuddle with is better then going through a divorce at my age. I think I just need to make myself happy, do things for myself more and get out and have some fun wheather he wants to or not! I need to get a new attitude, what the heck type of attitude instead of poor me. f
You are acting like a
You are acting like a doormat. You cant expect better because you pretty much have given him carte blanche to do what he likes. If it upsets you so much do something about it. If not, then you know how the rest of your life is going to be.
I love the saying "dont make someone a priority that considers you only an option"
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I see a lot of good comments,
I see a lot of good comments, and suggestions:
My thinking would be (especially since both his sister and daughter have turned away from you), that he used them as a sounding board. While he decided to bring you back, they for whatever reason can not "forgive" you for hurting their loved one. This is understandable really. I have a hard time with my SD because I have held my husband while he cried over the hurt that she has caused. I have watch my youngest dd (her half sister) be crushed time and again after SD promised to be at a function of YDD.
If you believe that you are better off where you are, then you will need to accept what and how he is. Let him do his thing, but go do yours as well.
I would guard yourself, why did he bring you back in if he kicked you out? Is he different toward you now than before the fight? Have you sought counseling to overcome that problem? Or did you just push it under the carpet so to speak? All these are questions you need to ask so that you make sure that you are both walking down a road together, not separately. Right now it sounds like you aren't even on the same path! A marriage take TWO people to want it to work.
The daughter doesn't sound like she is jealous or trying to split you up for her own gain, in my opinion it is more like she is wanting to protect her dad from further hurt.
I would go to counseling. I wasn't a big proponent of it 3 years ago but it saved my marriage. It taught me that it takes two to make it work, and both people have to want it to work not just one. It is a partnership.