Stepchildren are taking over.
Ok, I need serious help. My home is not a home anymore. My 15 year old step daughter has an 18 year old girlfriend who has all but moved in. My 16 year old step son smokes and plays XBox. Neither do anything to help out around the house, they don't clean up after themselves, neither goes to school anymore, the boy sleep cycle is approx. 30 hrs. long; ie he is often awake through the night keeping everyone from getting a good nights sleep and has a no issue with taking whatever he wants from anyone elses room whenever he wants. If you take anything of his and lock it away as punishment, he'll just break down the door. Worst of all to me is that my partner, their mother does not have the skills to change this. I'm getting close to dropping everything and just walking away. It's not worth it anymore. I'm all ears.
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Are you still there? Hello?
Are you still there? Hello? There should be flames following your tracks out of the house.
Move on. If she loves you she will make it work.
You should ask your partner
You should ask your partner if its ok to start severe punishments before you do anything. It'll be a lot easier if you present a unitied front. Once you have each others support, let the crack down begin. It may seem a bit overboard, and take a lot of effort from the both of you, but run your house like a prison.
Wake up, shower, school, home, chores, bed at 9 pm. No priveledges- video games, phones, company, staying up later until they've earned it. Sometimes it takes a shock to the system to get them moving in the right direction. If you've gotta change the locks to the house, do it. Move the contraband into storage lockers at an undisclosed location. Whatever you've gotta do, do it. This is the age when kids either become leeches or productive. Hope it'll be the latter, best of luck.
hmmm you either wait it out
hmmm you either wait it out til they are moved out for good, but as they are lazy and have no prospects thats not going to happen anytime soon. At the age they are punishment probably wont work. So yes i am with the others.... Run like Hell.... its only going to get worse,
Sorry
I appreciate the opinions. Ok
I appreciate the opinions. Ok so 4 out of 4 say run. That helps with understanding that this behaviour is not acceptable. As I get more and more worn down, quiting seems like the thing to do. However, I also have to balance out the consequence of taking off. That is "starting over". Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get through to my partner that her kids' behaviours are not acceptable. She blames it on the death of her ex husband (father of the teens in question). I didn't let it get to me for a few months but 2 years is rediculous. Agreed? Also, they were headed down this path long before their fathers death. I've been in their lives for 8 years; they used to be good kids (except the boy has always had ADHD diagnosis and therefore somewhat difficult but I don't buy that as an excuse). They are only a year and three years away from being old enough to leave. Any step fathers been here before and come out the other side?
Listen to this... my partner,
Listen to this... my partner, skids BM (I'm learning the lingo here), is not blind to the fact her kids' behaviours are extreme, self-distructive, and disruptive to everyone else in the house, to the neighbours, and in fact to everyone they come in contact with. My partner gets overwhelmed herself and does get to the point where she demands my intervention. Here's the kicker; when I do "step in", there's some kind of chemical/hormonal surge, an instinctive and protective mode she enters at which time I become the enemy. We're not talking about "stepping in" in a physical way either. So; here we are, separated in our own home. I won't go through the cycle any more. I'm at the point where the only options I can think of are 1) shut up and deal with it for a couple of years and prey the skids leave when they're 18 ( I have my doubts they will); 2) hit the road; or 3) put my foot down, make that put both feet down because this route WILL get down right nasty. This latter option would likely be the most rewarding for me regardless the outcome.
Yeah, time to pack it up and
Yeah, time to pack it up and head out the door and on into the sunset.
There's someone out there with a steady job, good attitude, fun family, (well, seems like there's always one oddball in a family) that's been waiting to meet Mr. Right and enjoy life.
Do you stay where you are and sleep with your eyes open at night or do you find someone where life is less stressful?
You life, your choice.
I've heard of such a place.
I've heard of such a place. Does it really exist?
i would start severe
i would start severe punishment before walking out. does 16 yr old drive? take away his keys, put all kinds of locking mechs on his car if he does.
or hell, get the law involved, see if the police will help "scare him straight" he's too young to be smoking and if caught YOU and mom can get in serious trouble for not getting that problem under control
Wow! My DH fits almost every
Wow! My DH fits almost every one of those! The only ones that didnt apply was regarding BIO children since I dont have any and the grades. They are A-B students. I would love to show this to him, but I am sure he would freak out and get defensive. Hmmm, maybe I will anyway! HAHA
What is the acronym DH?
What is the acronym DH?
Found the acronym list.
Found the acronym list.
Islander here is an idea. If
Islander here is an idea. If you put your foot down and expect her to step up and be a mother and if she won't she just might leave anyway. so either way leaving or putting you foot down just might have the same out come. However if you out your foot at least you know you tried.
Good one, thank you.
Good one, thank you.
.. a show of hands please; so
.. a show of hands please; so I know my expectations are "normal" and not excessive.
-16 year old sson should not be smoking period, let alone around my younger bioson and biodaughter and not around the house leaving cigarette buts all over the yard, driveway, deck, porch roof, flower beds, etc.
-sson should be going to school; currently attending maybe one hour every two weeks until he is told to go home for arguing with the teacher
-sson should be going to bed at night and being awake in the day
-sson should be cleaning the bathroom of his clothes and towels after a shower
-sson should be playing XBox less than 12 hrs. a day; maybe 1 or 2 and only if other rules are followed
-sson should not be taking batteries out of all the other tv remotes, electric toothbrushes, other kids toys, etc just to play more XBox
-sson should should be cleaning the kitchen up after himself when not participating in family meals
-sson should not be having friends over to gather and smoke in our driveway
-sson should not tell his mother to "fxxk off" whenever she ask him to do anything
-sdaughter should be going to school full time let alone one hour every other day
-sdaughter of 15 should not have her 18 year old girlfriend sleeping in her bed 5 out of 7 nights a week
-sdaughter should not be in sparents room when bmom and I are not home
-sdaughter's girlfriend should not be in our kitchen cooking for sdaughter in the middle of a school day, let alone any day in her pajamas and not cleaning up after herself
-sdaughter should not be manipulating others' schedules just to make sure they don't have to spend more than a couple of hours apart that they don't have to
-I should be able to live in a home where there does not have to be locks on my and my bio kids' doors
-my girlfriend/partner/skids biomom should have sense enough to believe that these are reasonable expectations and that her kids' behaviours are NOT normal and adversely affect my bio kids.
Feedback encouraged. Thank you.
So far 20 to 0 in favour of
So far 20 to 0 in favour of "Gettin' Out of Dodge". Anyone have an alternative to break the "Goose Egg"?