Yes, ODD is so much fun. My oldest step-kid (SS11) has it too. He doesn't have the bipolar part, but ODD is super annoying, and he has ADHD coupled with it. We only have them every other weekend and every Thursday night, though, I can't imagine having to do it all the time like you. Oy. Believe me, some of the issues are NOT you, ODD makes even the sanest of people crazy. They definitely lie all the time, and I don't know about your SS, but mine is probably the worst liar on the planet, which makes me more angry because it's like, if you're going to lie, at least make it believable. He's also very passive-aggressive, especially to his brother (SS9), and naturally lies about that too. Believe me, as another person who never had the desire to have children living in a situation where things are a little ODD, it's actually probably mostly not your fault, there's only so much a person can take.

Ohhh yessssss...I thought I'd go nuts with our ODD, ADHD, emerging BPD SD here for a while. Juvenile hall, doctors, hospitals, on and on...do not get me started on BM!! LOL the seed did not fall far from that tree! We have had legal custody of all three SKids these last four years and physical custody for seven years. Brood parasite mothers abandoned them to our nest as soon as they heard I was on the scene. Cuckoo birds in more ways than that!!

Finally, three years ago, a counselor gave me some really good advice, she said button pushing was a big deal to these types of kids and I worked on switching off buttons. None of my feathers get ruffled much any more! I cannot say it was easy, DH seems to fit with the 'guilty parent' thing I have read about. I did take a little more of a back seat, just to let DH see exactly what is going on, dishes, trash and yard are assigned to SKids and I no longer do them, ergo DH has to notice and do something effective. He is seeing his cherubs in a new light! They are 23 and 17 .
I set my own boundaries here, SKids disrespect me and I tell them 'do not talk to me that way'. I do not, nor have I ever, dignified tantrums. Ever watched a kid throwing a tantrum to get his/her own way? It's amusing!
I also noticed that the only thing DH and I ever disagreed on was the kids so, taking that into account, I decided that since they'd soon be leaving home I'd ride it out. My relationship with SKids is reasonabley good, I can be the evil SM for a while. After juvenile court, during which I have to announce my name and relationship to the minor, we are in the truck and commenting on how it went and I asked her if she wanted a bite of a rosy red apple. We chuckled! SD is almost out of the juvenile system, in university and doing well. It's been a long, looooonnnngggggg, struggle but we'll look back on it all with love. SS 17, however, is beginning to display the same behaviors as SD did at age 13. I have cautioned DH but it's up to him how he deals with it. DH is now seeing what I saw four years ago, the difference is that SS is no longer considered a juvenile and DH really does need to reign him in a bit! We'll see, I have seen a bit of 'tough love' going on here and I am sure I'll see some more. I will support DH when they come whining to me that daddy is the bad guy though, or when they come tittle tattling about what siblings are doing, or seeming to be getting away with. I was a bit shocked to hear SS 23 behaving like a juvenile, he is doing the 'young buck/stag' thing with his dad at the moment, dear oh dear! Very opinionated he is, at 23 years old. DH and I keep reassuring each other that they'll all be gone soon!