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Feel taken advantage of.

need to chat w someone's picture

Submitted by need to chat w ... on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 10:52am

I feel guilty for the way that I feel about my ss's. The thing is I wouldn't mind helping my dh with them but I'm not helping I'm taking care of them 100% of the time when they visit. They are over every other weekend and they do not spend anytime w/ thier bf, they spend it w/ me because my dh works weekends. I want him to take them on his days off but he shows no interest in doing that.I almost feel like he's pushing them off on me on my weekends when I would like to have some time to myself and relax. Recently he told me that he never wanted children so now I really think that. He never makes them clean up after themselves either.The youngest has also decided to stop listening and lying to me. Any advice, please help?

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VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 10:55am

I would tell DH that they are his kids and he needs to modify time sharing so that he has them on his days off or let BM have them full time if he doesn't want to be a parent. This is not your job!

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Submitted by need to chat w ... on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 11:31am

I agree that it is not my job but I'm not sure how to have this conversation without it turning into an arguement.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 11:39am

Ummm. Two choices here.

#1: He HAS to change his days off to suit visitation times (they are there to visit dad, not you.)

#2: YOU get the hell out of this relationship and send the bioparents a bill for all of your work.

Don't take that crap, please.

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Submitted by need to chat w ... on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 11:46am

Thanks for your comments, at least now I know that I am right to feel taken advantage of. Now it's time to establish a starting point to fix it.

mom23ms's picture

Submitted by mom23ms on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 12:07pm

Here is my story....I just moved out from SO's. He gets his kids every day and a half (weird schedule) and he has three. Well I have three also so alot of times there are six kids. He works 24 hour shifts so he only works 2 days a week (but he does have a three hour commute each way.) BUT...Don't get me wrong, he didn't always lay around the house and do nothing. But he would much rather mow the grass or clean the cars instead of dealing with parental responsibilities. For instance I had at least had 5 kids I had to get up, feed breakfast, dress, get teeth and hair brushed while he layed in bed until he had to take his girls to school (my kids and his went to different schools.) His kids went to school 5 minutes away and because I moved in with him in the middle of the school year, I had to drive 20-25 each way (and that was my choice so I am not complaining.)

I felt like the "Nanny." Now that I left (and its only been one day) it's very hard because he was very good to me and my kids but when it kept to helping out with parents and dealing with his children who are out of control...he ignored it. I hope that perhaps he can get his head out of his hinney and step up to the plate with his children because if not, there won't ever be a future because that is NOT the kind of man I want.

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Submitted by need to chat w ... on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 3:51pm

Wow, you are all right and I should have established boundaries with DH and the ss's long ago. I hope it isn't to late to get things back in order and it is a great idea to have things planned on thier weekends to bring the point home that I have no children, nor do I want any and I didn't decide to have these one's. Thanks!