OMG! I'm shaking I'm so mad!! Dh is on a roll!
So dh got over the shower thing. We eat dinner and all is fine. Out of NOWHERE, dh yells (in front of ss) "Where is ss pic he drew last time?" (last time ss and dd were drawing pics on notecards. No big deal but I threw them away. All of them.) My reply was to play dumb and I was thinking, 'oops'. So apparently ss noticed they weren't on the fridge and told his daddy. Dh hadn't even noticed. Well dh threw a MAJOR fit about it- RIGHT IN FRONT OF SS!!! He has NEVER done that before!! I got so mad. He was basically saying I threw them away on purpose because I don't like ss. My reply was I throw ALL the kids things away at some point. I do not keep every single paper my bios bring home from school. On the fridge we have bs4 bball schedule, bd5's school schedule, and the 'good' papers bios do- 100 on spelling test, a good coloring picture, etc. Stuff falls off the fridge allthetime and I throw it away or of it is good I save it. Ss pics weren't a big deal- just pencil drawings on a notecard so I didn't think they were important. I'm sorry. Dh just rips into me yelling the whole time. I got so mad I threw ss and dh markets and paper and told them to make some new pictures. (Oh, remember ss is 13.) I said to draw as many as they want an I'll put them in a frame up high where no one can pull them down. (our kids pull those papers and stuff off the fridge all the time.) Dh kept calling me out on things in front of ss and kept tellin me how sorry I was. I replied with "what's sorry is tha you are defending a kid that never returns your calls or texts when you call him. I know, I know, not cool. But I figured dh had already screwed up by arguing in front of him like that anyway. So I am livid now.
Usually anything ss related dh and I argue about in private. We figure thing out and ss never knows. Now that dh opened up his big mouth...well, who knows what will happen? At least before I may not hve enjoyed ss visits but at least he thought I kind of liked him. Now he prob thinks I hate him (I don't). I don't even know what to do at this point. Ss is crying in ds room and prob textig/talking to his mom. Dh is watching tv in the living room. I told dh he just screwed himself because now ss will never want to visit again.
- Tx mommy of 3's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thanks. At least I didn't
Thanks. At least I didn't completely bad-mouth ss...just the one comment. It doesn't make me feel better knowing he 'started it' or opened the door first. I may not enjoy ss visits but I put a front. Now that is over.
I agree. Tx, people screw up.
I agree. Tx, people screw up. Don't beat yourself up over it.
I think you should apologize to SS and tell him that you care about him and don't hate him, and I think the cardboard box for assignments, drawings and tests is a great idea.
DH owes both of you an apology. It wasn't right for him to lose it on you in front of SS like that.
Ha ha! See what happens when
Ha ha! See what happens when I don't get my needed long shower? Funny thing about the memory box. I made one for ss when he was younger- painted a box, decoupaged pics of him and dh...he drew all over it with black permanant marker and x'd out dh's face when he was mad once. Sigh... Also we don't ever see ss schoolwork, report cards, anything! We don't even get school pics! Dh was mad that only our bios things were up on the fridge and not ss. But like I said we don't have anything of his to put up. Dh was so mad but never noticed before. To me if it was such a big dealhe should've said something before. But dh didn't because he didn't even notice and how am I supposed to notice hen his own dad doesn't? Ugh.
Ha ha!! Too funny!!
Ha ha!! Too funny!!
I don't blame you for what u
I don't blame you for what u did. Arguing about things in front of skids is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. And if it makes u feel any better, I'm having an awful night also. Ugh. Drama drama drama. I hate it. Hugs.
Sorry you are having a rough
Sorry you are having a rough night too! Thank goodness for this site!!
what a jack ass. go tell ss
what a jack ass. go tell ss that you love him and that dad misunderstood.
oh my GOSH! this is stupid, dh needs to be slapped NOW! I swear, men can be so ridiculously stupid sometimes!!!!! It is maddening!!
My dh is being a butthole tonight, but because ds9 is at a friend's house, i could care LESSSSSS! Yay me....party time....
I'm sorry you're feeling
I'm sorry you're feeling badly about this situation. It does seem quite innocent on the surface. I mean, I filter out my kid's artwork too. You can't keep everything! But, I have to be honest, if this were my kid, I'd feel the same way and I'd say something if I felt my child were being slighted like that. It sounds like it's become cumulative for your DH and he's going to take up for his child... I don't care HOW old he is.
I would advise you to let things cool down. Approach your DH about the issue of random artwork and how it makes no sense to keep every single scrap of paper... that's too much to expect. But let him know that your intention was not to make your SS feel demeaned or unimportant. Then think of a way to put actions to your words. That would mean a lot, I would think.
I hope you're able to mend this situation between you and your DH as well as you and your SS.
"But let him know that your
"But let him know that your intention was not to make your SS feel demeaned or unimportant."
I like that wording! I might use that! Yeah, dh knows I don't keep EVERY paper. He sees our bios papers in the trash and gets a little peeved. I remind him I can't keep everything and just keep some stuff. Yet, if the kids draw dh a picture for him, where does it end up? Dh knows I hate clutter. He gets mad because he accuses me of throwing away his stuff all the time. (I don't. He loses things but blames me.) But I do throw bios things away, even little toys they get from kiss meals and prizes. I am always getting rid of things. So I don't get why he would just assume I did it on purpose.
I feel the same way about the
I feel the same way about the fridge thing. Why should he care at 13? And if the pics were so precious and valuable to dh, why didn't he notice they were missing? I seriously didn't realize ss would be upset about not having anything on the fridge. Also, ss doesn't live in our town so we never see his schoolwork or anything to actually put up on the fridge. I forget how immature he is.
I dont really think it is her
I dont really think it is her job to make a "box" or to show dh how to make a box. I think a simple, "Oh, i didnt realize you wanted to save that. Sorry." should suffice. This is an example of how us steps get blamed for everything. If dh wanted to save that drawing for all of eternity I guess he should have made arrangements to do so. He is obviously aware of op's habit of going thru and getting rid of stuff on the fridge so if he saw it up there in the first place he should have taken action. He could have said to op, "hey, I really want to keep that pic on the fridge so don't throw that one away". See how simple that would be. Or he could have decorated a beautiful decoupage box and put ss's papers in it. But, gee, he didn't do that either. If ss really loved his pic-he couldve asked the op-to make sure and leave it there-or he could have asked if she knew where that box she made him was so he could store it in there. But he didnt do those things either.
Your dh is definitely having a Midol moment. He was way out of line. You treated your ss as you treat your own kids. That's what everyone always wants. Equal treatment and then when you give it noone likes it-because equal treatment is not what they really want-they want special treatment, superior treatment-you are supposed to treat the steps better!
No, real advice for you other that to place the responsbility for maintaining ss's keepsakes back to the person it belongs to. DH. And since he is 13 I think ss as well. And I have a 13, 11, and 9 year old. the only one who cares about her stuff on the fridge is the 9 year old-the others have outgrown this.
Ok, so last night dh fell
Ok, so last night dh fell asleep in the living room with ss. I heard ss in the kitchn so I went in to apologize. I told him I did not throw his papers away on purpose. I told Jim in the future if there is something he wants to save to let us know. I also explained to him that our kids stuff is up on te fridge because we see their work. We never see ss work,good papers, report cards or school pics so we don't have anything to put up. He reared up. I gave him a hug but he didn't respond. Yep, whatever relationship we did have- it os over, gone.
Dh is still very angry. I told him i apologized to ss but since he didn't hear then it didn't count. Whatever. We are still not talking. His choice. I think all his anger held in as a child from his parents divorce has resurfaced. He is bringing up all this stuff about how I treat ss like dirt (I don't), how I'm jealous of ss (how?), etc. I've asked him for examples but he can't give me any. He wants to talk with me but we can't today because he takes ss back today and is visiting with his dad afterwrds. The drive alone is 4hrs roundtrip.
He is also still bringing up the shower stuff. I told him problem solved- from now on I get shower first. I also suggested getting a timer fir the kids. As for te fridge I told him from now on nobody's pictures will be up-only schedules of activities. I already took my kids pictures off. I know before he leaves sh will tell ss to put a pic up on the fridge and it'll start again. Yuck.
Oh come one the kid is 13
Oh come one the kid is 13 *rolling my eyes* he sounds like 2! And for dh to do what he did he is acting 2 to! I see nothing wrong in what you did at all. Dh started you finished it. If he can't take then don't dish it! There was NO reason for ss to be up set or mad. In fact he is plenty old enough to hold on to something that he made IF he really wanted to keep it. I would have reminded them of their ages and what they should be capable of and walk away. This is so dumb.
Maybe the actions are dumb
Maybe the actions are dumb but the feelings behind them are not.
I read this statement on here ALL. THE. TIME. - Feelings are never right or wrong, they just ARE.
It's the actions that resulted from the feelings that were not in check. The feelings and emotions still need to be resolved.
You'd feel the same way if the shoe were on the other foot.
I have had this issue with
I have had this issue with FDH, slighty different situation though. SD6 just started kindergarden this year. I was putting her school papers in a file folder, when the file folder was spilling over, I placed it on FDH's desk and told him to go through it. 4 weeks later the folder got shuffled to the side, but remainded untouched. Guess what I did, threw it away. He got upset, told me that his mother saved "EVERYTHING" that he did in school :jawdrop: . I said, "well she must have a storage unit devoted to filing your old school work, I wont be doing that, you were welcome to do it, and decided to allow it to sit for a MONTH. So apparently it wasn't that important."
On a side note, I do save alot of SD's pictures and drawings, but SD and I have a good healthy relationship. She can be a brat, but what kid isn't. So I do feel inclined to save some of her work, when she makes me a picture, or I find a good one laying around, I do save it. I have a couple folder devoted to her art work, but I try to keep it to a minimum.
The difference I see here, is my SD is 6, your SS is 13!!, Tell him to put his big boy panties on and deal with it, you didn't do it to be mean, or as a giant F-YOU! It was an accident, my god your DH is being an ass! :O
I am so sorry TX, you apologized, you did what you could to make peace. Don't beat yourself up.