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I am so confused about my role...

McCabe's picture

Submitted by McCabe on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:12pm

I am confused about my role in our step family. I am the SM, there is only one 9 year old son in the home, no other children.
I am a stay at home wife and I have SS every other week. I take him to school and pick him up from school. Pretty much most of the responsibility of "mommyhood" is on me when he is with us.
The problem is that the other adults (including his dad (my husband), have issues with this and want to put him in before SCHOOL care and after SCHOOL care because I spend more time with him then they do!
I have no say in this, naturally, but I am confused on my role in our family.
I do not want to respond badly to this, I want to be helpful to my husband, but I need advise.

THanks,
McCabe

Comments

distorted reality's picture

Submitted by distorted reality on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 1:40pm

You're responsibility is to take all of their crap and smile the whole time even though you're ready to slice your wrists, lol. J/K.

Be there as an interested adult that he (SS) can trust and confide in. Talk to your hubby and let him know how you feel. Maybe he is just unaware. The squeaky wheel gets the grease or so I am told, lol. Best of luck to you.

CowGirl's picture

Submitted by CowGirl on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 2:03pm

Your role is to love him & treat him the best that you are able to when he is in your care. Unfortunately, you have no right in making decisions & ultimately SS is not your responsibility. In this case it is not a matter of your role, but your character. I would say to your husband: so you would not only rather have complete strangers take care of/ raise SS, but you want to pay them too?

McCabe's picture

Submitted by McCabe on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 2:57pm

My SS is also Autistic (high functioning). My college education is in CHild Behavior with internships with Autistic Children Centers.
When I first met this little boy he was 5 years old. He was an animal in behavior, he went screaming thru the house if he didn't get his own way and his parents and grandmother spoiled him rotten. Today, after 4 years with him in my life the little one is a calm, obedient sweet young man.
His father's pitty of the him is still a deterent in the childs maturity and growth. But there is nothing I can do about that.
His mother tells the child that he doesn't have to pay any attention to me and that I am a "fake mother". I do not know how to battle these things. My concern is in the childs behavior and ability to be self sufficiant in this world.

So, anyway, I think I have decided to back away from the "raising the child" thing and allow my husband to take over, it is probably time anyway. I am tired. LOL!

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 2:24pm

Wow, I hear more SMs that complain about the exact opposite... about being treated like free day care for children that are not their own.

Talk to you husband. Maybe he's worried that he's taking advantage of you by having SS in your care before and after school. How was he handling child care before you entered the family? Or maybe the BM doesn't like him spending this much time with you?

McCabe's picture

Submitted by McCabe on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 2:46pm

I have talked to my husband about this and it is an on going dialog that never gets settled.
Yes, the childs mother doesn't like me spending more time with him than she does.