My First Blog
It has been a long, hard 9 years being a step parent to 2 kids. Does it get any easier? I find my self counting down the years we have left. Is that wrong? I have never said these things to my husband, because it would hurt him. But it does not seem to be getting easier. There for a while me and my step daughter seem to get close but now it is like she is a different person. She is rude and disrespectful to me and my family. I try to not even have anything to do with her, but that hurts me because I thought we were closer than that. I feel like the mom brain washes them.
The new problem is the teen step daughter I guess is running home and telling her mom everything. Like I will not let them take home anything we have bought them. I have before and it never comes back or their dogs chew it up or something. So now I am a bitch. Is that wrong that I do this? Plus I have went out and bought them clothes for my house because their mom would send them in rags, which look bad and embarrassed me to take them out. But now the SD wants to take her clothes home and I have caught her sneaking them home, because their mom spend the CS on herself instead of buying nice things for them. So Now I am just the super bitch from hell. So do I just quit caring and continue the count down?
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steph, I feel like i am
steph, I feel like i am reading a blog of my own life except for the rude skid part. I have been a SM for 10 years. What has made things easier is #1 - this site. Reading what other SM's go thru has REALLY helped me put things in perspective. #2 - time heals all wounds. My SS18 has been living with us for 2 years now. Good kid. A bit on the lazy side, but he genuinely cares for me. It is apparent when he texts me things like "Hey so&so, guess what? I passed my tests!!" My SD10 is a bit more difficult to read. I know she loves me. I care about her as well. I get her EOW and she is her mothers spitting image. Down to her attitude. However, she has a huge level of respect for me because I am a very good mom to her and I have rules that she needs to follow. We also have clothes, shoes, coats & stuff for her at our house that she is not allowed to take home, for the VERY EXACT reasons you mentioned. Every now and then I let her wear something because BM has sent something that's not warm enough or doesn't fit properly. She has been good about bringing the clothes back. I am worried about how she will change as she gets older. But for now, things are really good and I am simply bracing myself for impact. It is difficult to just QUIT caring for a child that is in your home & under your care. You can always try to disengage but I don't really think that works for too long w/o it bringing conflict within your marriage. If thinking about the fact that at SOME POINT these kids will be grown and leave your home helps you deal, than that is what you do. All things being equal, my BS22 still lives at home so they aren't up and leaving as quickly as we'd like them to these days! Good luck and hang in there.
Oh, I so wish I knew the
Oh, I so wish I knew the answers here too. I have much the same siuation. SD quickly takes anything we buy for her home, which I don't have a problem with. We buy stuff for her and it's hers. She should have it to use where she is the majority of her time. my biggest problem is the attitude she then has when she come to our house. Acting like she is the neglected step-child who doesn't have anything while my two bios have everything. Making snide remarks how her closet is empty, how she needs this or that, how she doesn't have this or that, how she has no toys. She gets equal everything ! it just all goes home with her and never comes back.
I am more than 6 years in and it doesn't seem to get any easier, in fact I only expect it to get harder. Thank god for this site that allows me to vent so that it doesn't cause hurt between DH and I.
That whole situation stinks.
That whole situation stinks. How old are the kids? How often do you have them?
SD 14, SS 10 We have joint
SD 14, SS 10 We have joint custody, so every weekend during the school year and they stay here during the summer and got to BM every weekend.
I bet the SD14 is the
I bet the SD14 is the difficult one right? It's such a tough age. Can you talk to her? Like on some serious level? "Hey lil girl, how would you like this to go down? Would you like me to treat you with respect therefore you will need to treat me with the same? Or would you like me to be your worst fucking nightmare? YOU CHOOSE!" }:)
That is how I really feel! I
That is how I really feel! I could be their worst nightmare and I guess they don't realize that. But I have been back and forth do I talk to her or just let it go and move on with my life. I also have 2 BS and she is hateful to them too! My DH just chooses to ignore her for the most part or if he does say anything she brings out the tears. He can't handle it so he just lets her be. She knows how to work him.
Steph, I have found that I am
Steph,
I have found that I am in total control of what goes down in my home. I refuse to let these kids make me feel like crap. So I lay down the law and they have realized that I am the boss in that house and they don't screw with me. My DH has been a Godsend because despite his desire to just GIVE them everything & treat them like they fell off the Egyptian pyramids of the Gods, he does let me take the lead. I would show that little girl whose the boss. You'll be much happier believe me.